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A week later, I found myself seated on my living room floor, drinking beer and making final preparations for our stupid unicorn hunt, with the guild I’d never signed up for.
I watched the half-ogre carefully write out notes. The pencil looked tiny in his huge fingers, and his thick brows were drawn together in concentration. I was still laughing internally at his name. Emerson. Because you couldn't get more ironic than naming your towering, half-breed kid after a dead human poet who wrote about nature and the hearts of men.
His gentle, red-brown eyes lifted, and he met my gaze. For some reason, that sweet, open look just made my chest hurt. I shouldn't be letting myself get attached to these guys. "Is that it?" he asked, glancing down at the paper.
I nodded. "It shouldn't be a long trip. Maybe a week tops." I had agreed to be in charge of getting supplies and weapons, and I'd managed to obtain most of what we needed. There was no way I was going to trust that to anyone else. I had a few people I dealt with for that kind of thing and I never deviated from that. This wasn't some tame safari outing for tourists. Bad equipment could mean dead hunters.
Fin leaned back on the couch, slouching so he could prop his feet up on the coffee table. He was wearing green and gray plaid socks, playing up the Irish fairytale theme whenever he could, just for shits and giggles. His mossy green eyes twinkled at me, and he grinned. "Just a couple more days and we're going to bring in one hell of a bounty."
I smirked. "You mean I'm going to bring in one hell of a bounty." I nodded at Emerson. "You're going to play with maps and coms," then at Fin, "and you're going to sit in the car playing sniper. I'm the only one doing actual work."
Emerson shook his head. "I can always go back to waiting tables."
I arched a brow at him. "Why would I get rid of you? You gave me maps. Current maps. And that video system you made for the back of the transport." I pointed a finger at the leprechaun. "It's him I'm thinking is dead weight. And I have a sneaking suspicion that all his ideas are as dangerous and impulsive as getting himself a level two contract when he doesn't even have a guild." I hadn't known the leprechaun long, but it was long enough to know he was full of trouble.
Emerson laughed and stood, tucking his list of things to pack into the back pocket of his jeans. I seriously had no idea where he found clothes that fit him. He had to duck to avoid ceiling lights and turn sideways to fit through the few narrow doorways in my apartment.
Good thing I had a big vehicle for this doomed expedition. I mentally added more food rations to my list of supplies. I bet the giant ate twice as much as a normal person, and I'd have to strap some of the supplies to the outside of the transport just to make room for him.
I saw Emerson out the door, so he could go do inventory at his bar job. Snagging a couple more beers out of the fridge, I headed back to the living room. A shiver of anxiety passed through me when I realized how comfortable the last few nights had been...with other people in my territory.
Fin took the offered bottle and I sank down onto the opposite end of the sofa, leaning against the arm and curling my feet under me.
The redhead quirked an eyebrow at me. "You move like a cat, you know that?"
I rolled my eyes. "That's probably because I am a cat. Sort of."
He smiled and I tried really hard not to get drawn in by how charming it was. He really was a good-looking guy. And smart and funny, when he wasn't being a pain in the ass.
"So why are you out here hunting fiends and fellow curs, and not back with your pack?" he asked curiously. "I don't think I've ever seen a shifter mix outside of their pack unless they were a bad cross."
I snorted at his statement and took a swig of my beer. "You hit the nail on the head. I am a bad cross."
He pulled his short legs off the coffee table, but the couch was too deep for him, so they stuck out like doll legs. Turning, he aped my posture, leaning back against the arm of the couch. "I've been around you almost every day for over a week now." He waggled his thick red eyebrows. "And I've stalked you way longer than that to make sure it was you I wanted in my guild. I've never seen any sign of you being defective."
I sighed. If only he knew. "I can't shift all the way to beast form," I said bitterly. "Claws and teeth. Maybe a tail, if I try really hard. That's it." And while that might sound cool to a human, and the claws and teeth did come in handy from time to time...in the eyes of the true shifters, I was weak and broken, a liability to be culled from the pack.
He nodded, his green eyes full of a surprising wealth of understanding. "Shifters are all or nothing, aren't they?"
I shrugged one shoulder. "They're more animal than person. Applying human reasoning doesn't work on them."
He laughed. "A lot like leprechauns that way. Bunch of bloodthirsty bastards. And blunt as hell. I got real damned sick of being told I was defective every day. Too ugly to be seen in public. Too gimpy to have a wife and kids." He winked at me. "So, I said fuck 'em. And now look at me! I'm off to hunt unicorns with a smart ogre and the hottest cur I've ever seen."
I raised my eyebrows at him, even as I got ridiculously flustered by the fact he'd just called me hot. "I think I need to cut you off. Clearly you have beer goggles on right now."
He laughed and waved me away. His hands were large in proportion to his body, with slightly knobby knuckles and blunt digits. And why the fuck was I noticing shit like that now? I took another chug of my own beer. Gods.
He smirked at me, red creeping up his neck toward his cheeks. "Well, I didn't really mean to say that out loud. But, it's true." He shrugged, picking at the label of his beer bottle, then looking up to meet my eyes, a spark of determination in the green depths. "I've been thinking about what it would be like to kiss you ever since we met."
He looked up through dark red lashes and I groaned. Why did I always make terrible decisions? I could see this mistake coming a mile away. And yet, I still set my beer on the coffee table and crawled over to his side of the couch.
I got damned sick of being lonely. Sometimes...I wanted to know what it was like to feel the touch of another person. Even if it never lasted. "Are you thinking about it right now?" I breathed against his cheek as I loomed over him.
He shuddered and turned his head, pressing his chiseled lips to mine. He was warm, and he tasted like beer and magic. I opened to him, coaxing his tongue into my mouth. One of his big hands slipped up into my hair to cup the back of my head. His day-old stubble scraped pleasantly against my skin and I sighed. I never grew facial hair, so the foreign sensation was exciting. One more layer to drink in. And suddenly, I was starving for some small scrap of human contact.
I pulled back to find Fin regarding me with deep green eyes, his pupils blown wide with lust, but an all too familiar look of confusion starting to seep in.
"What?" I asked, still hovering over him, my hands planted on the arm of the couch, pinning him in, my hips pressed to his, and my arousal obvious. I felt defiant. Almost daring him to say what I knew was coming.
"I've never...been with guy before," he whispered, his face lobster red.
I sighed and pulled back. "So, you're straight?"
He licked his lips and looked like he wanted to run, but he took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. I couldn't say he was a coward. He seemed like the kind of guy to face things head-on and deal with his business. Like he had when he left his clan and roped me into hunting unicorns. "I guess?” he muttered. "I mean...yeah, I am. Usually."
I pushed away and stood, feeling the blood rush to my head and the effects of one too many drinks catching up with me. This was the one of the worst ideas I'd ever had. Stupid, Sam. Really stupid. I had to spend a week hunting with this guy. And now it would be the most awkward week ever. At least we hadn't gotten any further than this. It would've been even more awkward then.
"Forget it," I said, grabbing my beer bottle and taking it to the kitchen.
After a few minutes, Fin followed me. I braced my hands on the sink and leaned back, watching him wearily. He tossed his empty in the bin and opened his mouth. Then he closed it again. As if he had no clue what to say.
I saved him the trouble. "I get it," I said, going to shut off the living room lights and clean up our takeout boxes. "One too many beers. I look like a girl sometimes. You were curious. Not the first time it’s happened, dude."
I turned to find him scowling at the refrigerator as if he was physically incapable of looking at me right now. "I didn't mean—"
I cut him off, handing him his coat off the back of the chair. "You got your taste. Now you know you aren't into guys. We've got more important shit to do. Like killing unicorns."
He took his coat, and the hint, and practically ran out the door.
I locked up, then leaned my back against the door. Closing my eyes, I let out a long breath. Better I see that look of rejection after one lousy kiss, rather than when the clothes came off.
Who was I kidding? That wasn't a lousy kiss. It was amazing. And I hadn't even realized how much I wanted it—how much I'd been ignoring the stupid attraction—until just then.
But one stolen, bad-decision kiss was all I'd get unless I wanted to go through even more disappointment and rejection. Or unless I wanted to go across town and pay for it like I had a time or two before. I shuddered. Even that was painful. Knowing the acceptance was fake and dependent on money.
The thought did give me something productive to focus on, though. We needed a good way to sense and track a heard of one-horned monsters who could make themselves invisible. And I knew someone who had sound magic. And good booze. I had called her a couple days ago, but I’d had to leave a message. Maybe I should just go in person.
I glanced around my empty apartment. It felt...lonely. I was usually content with being on my own. At least that's what I told myself. But just now...after having people here talking and joking, after feeling another person's touch...it just felt cold and depressing here. Desperate to escape, I pulled on my jacket and boots and headed out into the night.