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By the end of the week, my rent was paid, Josie was squared away for another couple months, and I was making strides toward getting my head out of my ass long enough to stop moping about the stupid siren.
My damned shoulder was completely healed too, thank the Gods. How humans dealt with wounds that took weeks to heal, I’d never know. I’d probably put a bullet in myself if I had to play invalid that long.
I trudged up the rickety wooden steps to Fin's apartment and banged on the door. Footsteps sounded and a little tingle of magic washed over me. At least the leprechaun was smart enough to have some basic safety installed on his home. "Who's there?" he grumbled from the other side of the door.
I bent and grinned at him through the lowered peephole. "Santa Claus. Now open up, I've got shit to do, curs to hunt."
The door swung open and he waved me inside.
I looked around curiously. Fin's apartment kind of reminded me of the little fairy houses I'd seen at a craft shop one day. There was a fair amount of greenery, and every little nook was filled with Celtic-themed knick-knacks that were probably meant to be ironic.
I handed him an envelope filled with cash, and his square features split into a wide grin. "Pleasure doing business with you," he said, ambling off to his bedroom to hide it away.
I sat at his kitchen table, smiling in amusement when I realized the table and chairs were just a tad shorter than average. I don't know why I was settling in. It wasn't like I was here for a social call or anything.
Fin returned and went to bang around in the fridge, coming up with a couple of beers. He handed me one and went to lean against the counter. I noticed that hadn't been altered. Probably because it was a rental place. But he had a wooden step stool positioned by it. I smiled again, for some dumb reason. It wasn’t like I thought the guy was cute or something. That would be dumb.
He lifted his beer to me in a toast. "Here's to the future."
I lifted an eyebrow at him. "What future? I already told you, we aren't a guild."
He watched me for a few seconds, his mossy green eyes serious. "I didn't say anything about the guild. Though, I think you'll change your mind eventually. I'll wear you down." He winked, then his face grew serious again and he came to stand closer, setting his beer on the table.
He took my hand and brought it to his lips, brushing the ghost of a kiss over the knuckles. "I know you aren't as indifferent to me as you like to pretend," he said quietly. "Can't we try, Sam? Maybe go on an official date? Get to know each other when we aren't trying to make money and kill things?"
My breath hitched, then I let it out. Why was it that when he was around, all my good sense went right out the damned window? I squeezed his hand and gave him a sad smile. "Fin, I'd like that, I think. But it just wouldn't work."
He tilted his head and looked into my eyes. "Why?" One corner of his mouth quirked up, but I could see the fear beneath the smirk. "Is it because I'm a little person?"
I snorted "What? Of course not. What kind of dumb ass reason would that be?"
He shrugged, trying to look casual, but I could sense it was a sore point. "It is to some people."
I sighed. "No, Fin. Absolutely not." I reached out and touched his cheek, making him look at me. "I like you just the way you are," I admitted grudgingly. "Even if you are amazingly stubborn and idiotic at times. Like when you insist on hunting things that could kill you in a heartbeat."
He laughed. "Thanks...I think. Then what's the problem, Sam?"
I dropped his hand and picked up my beer, taking a deep swallow so I could get through this conversation as quickly as possible. He was being serious. I felt like I kind of owed it to him to explain. Even though I knew it was going to end badly.
"You weren't sure about your feelings toward me, when you thought I was a guy," I said haltingly.
He let out a sigh and slumped into his own chair. "Okay, so I'm really stupid. You've just got this...androgynous thing going on. And I could have sworn you had uh...well, that one day when I woke you up.... How was I supposed to know?"
I shook my head. "You don't get it. If I was a guy, would we even be having this conversation right now? Or would you have given up the idea after that kiss?"
He frowned, but seemed to give it serious thought. "Well...I was confused about what I was feeling. But...that was the hottest kiss I've ever experienced. I'm pretty sure I would have adapted." He grinned at me, a hint of embarrassment coloring his features. "Plus, I like you, Sam, believe it or not. I'd like to get to know you better."
I huffed a laugh. "The thing is, Fin, I'm not a man. But your eyes didn’t deceive you. I'm not a woman either."
He blinked at me, that line appearing between his brows again as he tried to figure out what I was saying.
"I'm both," I muttered, looking down at my beer so I didn't have to see his expression. I didn't want to see the confusion. The horror. The morbid curiosity. I'd been there, felt that. No thanks. "I'm what they call intersex." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I was born that way. Humans used to call people like me hermaphrodites...or just freaks."
He was silent so long I finally had to look up, just to make sure he was still with me. His head was tilted, and he was thinking furiously.
"Will you tell me more?" he finally said. His eyes met mine and I was surprised to see nothing but honest curiosity. "If you want. I mean, it's not like you have to at this point. We could always talk about it later. If things progress to that point. You know." He waggled his red eyebrows at me in a way that made me laugh involuntarily.
Not the response I had come to expect.
"I think it's good if you know now. So it's not a deal breaker later. If there is a later." I took another drink, my throat suddenly dry. "So...you saw I have...breasts?"
He chuckled. "I got the impression the bra wasn't just a fashion choice."
I smirked. "No. Tits are damned annoying and uncomfortable when you're trying to run down a feral cur."
I took a deep breath. I could do this. I could explain like a real adult. Even if I felt like a nervous teenager. "I have both genitalia—a penis and a vagina. They look a little different than normal, but I'm rare in that they're both fully functional." I shrugged. "I have one small testicle. And I probably have one ovary, but I've never had an ultrasound to confirm that. Oh, and I'm also probably infertile. Most people like me are."
I chanced a look at him again to see him calmly sipping his beer. He quirked a brow at me. "Do you only like men? Or do you like women too?"
I shrugged. "I'm attracted to both, but I've never really had what you'd call a real relationship. Most of them fail pretty quickly. Either the other person is too heterosexual or too homosexual to accept both sides of the coin, or they're just weirded out in general." I grimaced. "Plus, you know, aside from all that stuff, I'm a pain in the ass to be around. My job is violent and unpredictable, I'm not well off, and I'm a cur. The cards are kind of stacked against me in the relationship department."
And as much as I didn't want to admit it...that bothered me more than it should. I was strong. I was a competent hunter. I had managed to make a life for myself, even though I wasn't human or fiend. It was something most others in my boat wouldn't have been able to do. But despite all that, sometimes I still felt like a failure. Because I was just tired of being alone.
Fin put a hand over mine on the table. "Sam?"
I gave myself a mental shake. "Yeah?"
"I'd like to get to know you. We can start slow if you want. I know you're scared. And I will probably need to learn more about what you need. But I want to try." He squeezed my hand. "Don't get me wrong, I think you're hot as hell, no matter what you've got under your clothes."
I snorted and shook my head. "You're an idiot."
He took his hand back and regarded me seriously. "No. I'm not. But the others? The ones who rejected you? They're fucking dumbasses."
I smirked. "Complete morons," I agreed.
I finished my beer and Fin saw me out, making me promise to call him when I got back from my hunt tomorrow so we could have dinner.
Dinner. Like a date. What was my world coming to when that made me so damned happy?
"Sam," Fin said as I turned to leave.
I turned back to him and he waved me closer. "Come here."
Smirking, I paced to him, then bent at the waist when he tugged at my hand. "What?"
He cupped my face and pulled me in for a sweet, hot kiss that proved he hadn't been lying about accepting my freak nature. Straightening, I pulled back and tried to ignore the way my whole body was flushed, my core clenching, and my dick already half-hard. "See ya tomorrow," I muttered, beating a hasty retreat down the stairs.
His rich laughter followed me, leaving a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was afraid to trust. Was I really doing this? I was.
And if I recalled the ghostlike memory of long, graceful fingers on my skin and silky silver hair falling about my naked body like a waterfall? So, what? I could forget it. I would forget it. Eventually.