2010
The vision dissipated into thin air as soon as Tabby cried out, replaced by Natalie’s bright modern kitchen. The women clung together for a moment before Natalie moved her leaden feet towards the kettle. They needed tea.
A white-faced Tabby slumped onto a stool, her head in her hands.
‘I…I can’t believe it. Did you just see the original kitchen with my…my mother standing by the range?’
‘Yes, afraid so. I’ve seen it before, as I told you, but empty.’ Natalie put mugs of tea on the breakfast bar and took a sip. ‘Can you be sure it was Olive? She looked so old.’
Tabby nursed her mug, a faraway look in her eyes.
‘It was Mum, for sure, but older than when I last saw her. Much older. I’d guess late sixties, about the age she was when she disappeared. She…she looked so…unkempt. I had no idea she was living in such conditions.’ Tears seeped down her cheeks and Natalie patted her shoulder. She’d have put the woman as nearer eighty than sixty. Her face, half-turned towards her, was scored with lines and the turned down mouth spoke of despair. The wild hair was white and thin and uncared for. And yet Olive had been not much older than Tabby was now when she was last seen.
Natalie didn’t know what to say and stared into her mug.
‘Do you…have any photos of Olive? And perhaps your father?’
Tabby sniffed and pulled out a tissue to blow her nose. ‘I might have a photo of my mother at home but I never saw any pictures of my father. Mum hadn’t kept any, assuming she ever had some. Not even a wedding photo. I thought it was strange, but got the impression their marriage hadn’t been happy. She refused to talk about him so I stopped asking questions.’ After dabbing her eyes, she looked up and Natalie saw the sorrow etched on her face.
‘We…weren’t close and my mother was angry all the time. I wondered if it was because she hadn’t wanted me. It was hard for me to ask, so I didn’t. In the end I took the easy way out by cutting the link and staying in England. It was cowardly and I’ve felt guilty for years, and after seeing…what I saw, I feel even worse.’ Her eyes were bright with tears and Natalie put down her mug and hugged her properly. Intuition told her Tabby had been looking for love all her life, feeling rejected by her mother.
‘Will you tell Stuart what we’ve seen?’ Natalie leaned back.
‘I suppose so. The whole thing’s come as a shock to Stuart, but I can’t not tell him. He’s the only family I have and I don’t want to lose him by being secretive. As a boy he was forever pestering me about my parents, wanting to know more about them, and I brushed him away.’ Tabby bit her lip. ‘My mother never had a good word to say about Bill, my father, even though he was supposed to have been a hero for hitting a German soldier.’ She took a swallow of tea and sighed. ‘It cost him his life, but no-one ever mentioned him in my presence. Not that we had much to do with the neighbours, they kept us at arm’s length. I never knew why, but guessed it was because Mum deliberately lived a reclusive life. Once I was old enough, she’d send me to the shops for things we needed and she barely left the farm.’
‘How strange! What about you? Did you have any friends?’
Tabby grimaced. ‘Not at the local primary school, for sure. Because it was thought my mother was odd, even mad, they assumed I was too so I was left out a lot. But I was bright and worked hard and the teachers encouraged me and I moved to the Girls Intermediate School in Town, the equivalent of today’s grammar school. People didn’t know me there and I made some friends.’
She sat quietly for a moment and Natalie was about to ask another question when Tabby went on, ‘I could never take friends back home, you see. We…we lived so poorly and I was ashamed. We received a pittance from the Parish Poor Relief and our only other income was the bit Mum made by renting out a couple of fields and the sale of goat’s milk, eggs and veg. She’d never have allowed me to have friends round anyway.’
‘Sounds pretty grim. I had no idea.’ Natalie felt a surge of sympathy for this well-groomed, attractive woman who looked as if she had been born to money.
‘It was. But we weren’t the only ones who struggled after the war and by the time the economy in Guernsey picked up I was at university in England. I was determined to do well and never be poor again and I did it. Well, Dan and I did it together. We wanted the best for our son and we worked hard for what we achieved.’ Tears continued to seep through her eyelashes. ‘I should have made sure my mother was all right, sent her money…it was mean of me to hold a grudge for so long.’
‘Grudge? What grudge?’
Tabby looked her in the eye. ‘She refused to let me go to university, wanted me to stay and help her on the farm. Or what was left of it!’ Tabby frowned. ‘It made me so angry I stormed out and went to stay with a friend in Town. When I went back home I pretended I’d given up on the idea but I hadn’t. I forged Mum’s signature on the forms and watched for the post. Once my application and the grant came through, I packed and left. I…I didn’t come back until after Dan died.’
‘Oh! I can see why you’re so upset about it. With hindsight we always know what we should have done differently. But you were right to go to uni, it was your life, not your mother’s. Olive sounds such a sad, bitter lady. I wonder what made her like that?’ Natalie thought of Stuart. ‘And Stuart doesn’t know any of this?’
‘No, he doesn’t. I’ve been too ashamed to tell him, I suppose. But talking to you has made me realise I should tell him, particularly if his grandmother is haunting this place!’ Tabby attempted a smile.
‘I’m not sure it’s Olive, even though we “saw” her. There’s a man here and he’s angry. Always telling me to go away. I’ve no idea who he is.’
Tabby shook her head. ‘Neither have I, but I do sense my mother is still around.’ Sighing, she stood up. ‘I’ve taken up enough of your time, Natalie, and I must get back to the others and tell them what’s happened. And have a long talk with Stuart.’ She flung her arms around Natalie. ‘Thanks for listening and I do hope, in spite of what’s happened, you will be happy here. You’ve made it so beautiful it would be a shame not to enjoy it.’
Natalie smiled. ‘Thanks. I’m sure there’ll be a solution, don’t worry.’
She could only hope.