Ben
I felt like crap.
I was lying on the couch with a cold compress over my eyes, trying to understand what was happening to me. Why had I suddenly lost control? Was it just because Dani was touching me that I went crazy? After all, she'd given me back massages before, and I hadn't overreacted. Was it just her touch on my skin, wanting her so badly and knowing I could never have her that had caused my reaction, or was it something else? Something worse?
Was the were part of me somehow getting stronger? I pressed the compress, which consisted of a wad of wet paper towels, hard against my eyes and groaned. It was like the bad old days all over again, before I'd learned to manage my condition.
I remembered going into the men's room in high school, feeling so pumped full of adrenaline I wanted to scream or punch someone. I would shut myself in a stall and take deep breaths until the feeling passed, praying that I wouldn't start to change, praying I could keep control just long enough not to turn into a monster. And always there was that feeling of the other creeping under my skin, looking for a way out. My were nature trying to escape and control me.
“No,” I said out loud, clenching my fists. “It does not control me. I control it.” But the words rang hollow, and for the first time in a long time, I was scared. Really damn scared.
The one person I could ask about this was my grandfather, but I knew what he would say to me. Grandpa thought it was strange and unnatural that I didn't change every month with the moon—that I had somehow managed to control my lycanthropy. I could almost hear him in my ear saying, “You'll be sorry, sonny boy. The curse ain't nothin' to play with. The Goddess doesn't like it when her creatures ignore her call.” Grandpa was a Pagan, although he went to Mass every Sunday with my mom just to keep her happy.
I was thinking I would have to call my grandfather for advice whether I wanted to or not if things kept getting worse, when my phone rang. The shrill sound went through my head like an iron spike. I groaned and rolled over, dislodging the wad of wet paper towels, which fell on the floor with a splat.
My cell phone went on and on, shrilling out the latest annoying jingle Dani had downloaded for me. Several months ago she had decided we should switch to the same cell plan so all the minutes we spent talking would be free. We'd gotten new camera phones out of the deal and the ability to download songs and themes which my partner found endlessly amusing. She was always going online and changing my ring tone so that I could never tell what it was going to sound like next. It was kind of a joke between us, but sometimes, like right now, it was annoying.
I was tempted to let the damn thing ring, but in the end I answered it, just to stop the racket. Damn, it had been bad enough when she was going through her classical phase and had it rigged to play Pachelbel's Canon—but what the hell was it playing now?
“'Lo?” I mumbled into the phone, keeping an arm over my eyes to block out the light from the lamp beside the couch.
“Ben?” Dani's voice always came across the phone line as a sexy feminine growl that I loved to listen to. “Are you still mad at me?” she asked.
“Dani,” I said, sitting up and wincing as the light lanced at my eyeballs. “I was never mad at you.”
“Could've fooled me,” she said, and I could hear the question in her voice. She wanted to know if I was serious.
“Okay,” I said with a sigh. “I am mad at you, but not for anything you did today. It's the latest ring tone you put on my cell—what the hell is it, anyway?”
“It's 'Mister Brightside' by the Killers. From their Hot Fuss CD. Don't you like it?”
I groaned. “No, it's terrible. And since when are you up on the latest musical trends?”
“Since Tara made me feel like a fossil for not being current. So I thought I'd pass it along.” She laughed, and I couldn't help smiling. Even over the phone, Dani has a low, musical laugh that seems to come all the way up from her toes. I would have forgiven her a lot more than the crappy new ring tone for that laugh.
“Well, could you please change it?” I asked, shifting on the couch to get more comfortable. “It really sucks. If not liking music like that makes me a fossil, then I guess I'll just have to be one.”
“I'll change it right away,” she promised. “In fact, I'll have a new song downloaded for you by the time you get here to pick me up. How about the theme to the X-Men movie? Isn't that one of your favorites?”
“Sure, that's fi—Wait a minute,” I interrupted myself. “By the time I come to pick you up? Where are we going?”
“I got a hot lead on that case I was working on today before…um, before,” she ended lamely, and I knew she hadn't wanted to say, “before you freaked out.” I decided to ignore it. “The missing girl abducted by wolves—remember?” she added helpfully.
Great, here we went again. Why couldn't she just leave it alone? “You were working on it, not me,” I said, trying to control the tension I could feel creeping into my voice. “So why do you want me along?”
“Because you're my partner.” Dani sounded wounded. “And besides, it's down by the docks.”
“I see,” I said. “The docks, huh?” The docks weren't actually by any kind of water; it was just a name for an abandoned industrial district on the far east side of the city. It was one of the worst parts of town, and it was getting dark out, so I could see why she wouldn't want to go there alone.
Any other time I would have been eager to go with her. It had taken me a long time to earn Dani's trust enough for her to show me this kind of vulnerability. Asking me to come along to a dangerous part of town let me know she felt safe with me and wasn't afraid to let down some of the hard-ass, modern woman facade she kept up so rigorously at work. Even a year ago, she would have gone herself and taken her chances rather than asking me to come.
So I was glad she'd called me, but worried too. What if she found something out? Something that might blow my cover?
“I don't know, Dani,” I hedged. “I'm pretty tired—it was kind of a rough day.”
“Yeah, I know. You nearly bit my head off for no apparent reason.” She sighed. “Look, Ben, I wouldn't ask you, but I have a feeling it's important. I think I smell a story.”
I ran a hand through my hair and sighed again. Dani and her nose for news. It won her more journalism awards and got her into more trouble than I cared to think about.
“Dani, think about it,” I said, deciding to try another approach. “I mean, the guy was crazy. We'll be chasing around on the wrong end of town all night for no reason.”
“So we'll chase around some.” I could almost hear her shrug. “It'll be fun.” Her tone changed abruptly. “Look, Ben, if you don't want to go, I understand. I could see you were under stress today, although you won't tell me why…?” The last word ended on a question, but when I didn't offer any answers, she went on. “If you don't want to go, I'll understand. And I'll change your ring tone anyway. That other one was kind of a joke.”
Dani dropping a lead? It sounded too good to be true. “If I don't go with you, will you promise not to go either?” I asked.
“Sure, why not?” She sounded just a little too careless.
“Dani, are you crossing your fingers?” I demanded.
“Ben, you don't have to go, really. I'm sorry I called. I'm just…well, I'm sorry.”
I made a decision. It was better to go with her and know she was safe. That way if she found anything out, I could do damage control. “I'll be there in five,” I told her and cut off the phone.
Once out of the house, I felt the pull of the moon much more strongly. It was an overcast night, but I could feel it anyway, skittering around under the clouds like a luminous insect, calling to me. I ignored it as best I could and prayed that I wasn't in for one of those all-nighters my overzealous partner was famous for.
Halfway to her place, my phone sounded again, and this time it was the movie theme she had promised. I let it ring, knowing she was calling me to show it off. By the time I got to her condo, she was already on the front steps waiting for me with an excited grin on her face. Dani on the scent of a story was a fearsome creature to behold. Despite my misgivings, I had to smile.
“Hey,” she said, climbing in the passenger side of my truck. I noticed she had changed into jeans and a sweater—not nearly as sexy as her usual short skirt, but imminently more practical for where we were going. The sweater clung to the full curves of her breasts in a way that made it hard not to stare.
“Hey, yourself.” I steered the truck in the direction of the docks and looked at her out of the corner of my eye. “So what's this hot lead we're checking out?”
“Do you remember how the crazy guy was shouting something about a doctor—a Doctor Locke?” Dani turned to me, her face glowing with excitement. “Well, I did a search, and the only Doctor Locke in our area isn't an MD—he's a research scientist. Specifically, his field is the hormonal and neurochemical basis of animal aggression.”
“Let me guess what animals he was studying,” I said. “Could it be wolves?”
“Yes.” Dani nodded. “In fact, he did a well documented study about the hormones in male timber wolves that control aggression and dominance within the pack structure. It was published in—”
“Wait a minute.” I held up a hand. “So what does this have to do with us driving down to the docks in the middle of the night?”
“It's not the middle of the night,” Dani objected. “It's barely nine o'clock. And we're going down to the docks because that's where the mysterious Doctor Locke has his lab.”
“The mysterious Doctor Locke?” I raised an eyebrow at her as we stopped at a red light.
“Uh-huh.” She nodded, a little smile quirking the corner of her full mouth. Her lips looked very kissable. I made myself look back at the road.
“So what makes you think he'll be at his lab this time of night?” I asked, keeping my eyes straight ahead.
“I don't know—maybe the fact that he was there when I called a little while ago?” Dani said, sounding smug. “I explained who I was and tried to ask him some questions, but he wouldn't say a word. Finally, I asked about his research with the wolves—you know, most people you get them talking about themselves and their work, and they'll spill it all.”
I nodded. Every good reporter knows that. “So what did he say about the wolves?” I hoped my voice sounded calm and natural.
“He said, 'There are wolves, and then there are wolves. I can say no more over the telephone.' And then he hung up.”
I shot her an incredulous look. “So you thought it would be a good idea to go down there and try to get more out of him? At this time of night?”
“Why not?” She shrugged. “No time like the present, right?”
“Wrong,” I said. “Dani, don't you see how dangerous this is? This guy, this mad scientist, probably heard your voice on the phone and decided to try and lure you down there for who knows what kind of disgusting, kinky reasons.”
“It's not like I was having phone sex with him, Ben,” she objected. “And why would he decide to try and lure me to his lair on the basis of my voice?”
I looked at her. “Come on, Dani, you know you have the most amazing…I mean your phone voice is really…” She gave me a strange look, and I let it go, realizing I was digging myself into a hole I couldn't get out of.
She made an exasperated sound. “Why do you always assume everyone is after me, Ben? That everyone wants me?”
Because I want you, I wanted to say, but didn't. I just drove. After a long moment, Dani spoke again.
“Ben, are you getting tired of me?”
“What?” Her words startled me so much I almost hit the car in front of me. I slammed on the brakes just in time and looked over at her.
“I mean…” She was looking down, as though studying her nails. “Are you losing patience with me?” There was a vulnerability in her voice that broke my heart.
“No,” I said at once. “Of course not. Losing patience how?”
“I don't know.” She looked out the window, refusing to meet my eyes. “It was just something silly that Tara said. I guess…I guess she was wrong.”
“Of course she's wrong,” I said, feeling like I had missed something along the way. “She's your little sister—isn't that how these sibling things are supposed to work?”
“Like you would know.” Her voice sounded more normal now. “Being an only child.”
“I was lonely,” I told her, making the turn that led into the docks. “No one to play with. I always wanted a little brother—or a sister. I wasn't picky.”
“Neither am I or I wouldn't be hanging around with you.” She slapped playfully at my arm, then pointed to an empty parking lot. “Oh, look, park there. I think this is the place.”
Actually, it turned out that the building that housed Doctor Locke's lab was down a long row of abandoned warehouses from the parking lot Dani had me park in. I didn't like walking past the deserted buildings with their burned out lights and broken windows, and it wasn't because I was afraid of getting hurt, either. Nothing could stop me but a silver bullet—yes, that part of the legend is true, anyway—or another werewolf. I wasn't worried about Dani, either; I was reasonably certain I could protect her.
No, the reason I wasn't anxious to go walking along the docks district that night was that the cloud cover had broken, and the nearly full moon was beaming down like a skull in the sky. It felt like a spotlight shining right on me, making me sweat with the need to be something else, something other.
“Dani,” I said, hoping she wouldn't notice the way my voice was coming out deeper all of a sudden. “I really think we should park a little closer. Or maybe just give it up. This is a bad idea.”
“Don't be silly—after we drove all the way here? Besides, I don't see any other parking lots. Come on, you've got an alarm on your truck, and we won't be gone long.” She climbed out of the truck as she spoke, and I had no choice but to follow her.
“Dani, I really don't like this,” I said.
“Why?” She hooked her arm through mine in a friendly gesture. “Are you afraid? Don't be—I'll protect you.” She smiled up into my eyes, and I sighed. Well, the moon wasn't completely full, and besides, I'd been controlling myself for the past five years—I could probably manage one more night.
We walked down the empty street, our footsteps echoing against the concrete, and soon enough, Dani pointed out the building we wanted. It was the only warehouse that looked reasonably intact—also the only one with a light on inside.
“That's it—that's the address. He's there, I know it.” She pulled her arm out of mine and ran ahead of me in her excitement to get to the story. Before I could call her back, a dark figure had stepped out of the shadows between two abandoned buildings.
“Hey there, pretty lady,” a masculine voice slurred. My were-enhanced night vision let me know it was probably just a bum looking for spare change, not a real threat, but I didn't care. The moon scratched the back of my neck with silver fingernails, and my blood surged.
“Oh!” Dani took a step back in surprise and nearly tripped on a crack in the concrete. I was there to catch her before she had time to fall.
“What the hell do you want?” I snarled, pushing her behind me and getting into his space.
“Hey, man…” The bum backed up, holding out his hands in front of him as though to prove they were empty. “Just wanted to talk to the lady.”
Adrenaline coursed through my body, and I felt a growl building in my throat. I grabbed the front of the bum's coat and jerked, lifting him a clear three feet off the ground. His eyes grew huge, and he squawked in surprise.
“Stay away from her.” My voice was a low growl, almost unrecognizable, even to me. And yet I couldn't seem to stop. All the fury of the moon was building inside me, urging me to protect what was mine, and Dani was definitely mine. I was about to throw the bum back into the alley he'd come from like a sack of trash, but a hand on my arm stopped me.
“Ben, what are you doing? What's going on?” Dani's frightened voice acted like a shock to my nervous system. I turned to face her, trying to slow my breathing. I could feel the adrenaline and testosterone spiking inside me, urging the change, and I knew I had to control it. I dropped the bum, and he scrambled to his feet, frantic to get away from me. He turned and ran into the shadows, the slap of his cheap shoes echoing down the dark alley between the warehouses.
“Ben?” Dani was still looking into my face anxiously. She looked genuinely frightened—frightened of me, I suddenly understood. The bum had only startled her, and she probably could have handled him herself—she took self defense classes after all. But seeing me get violent had been a new experience for her—probably not a welcome one.
“He…he was trying to hurt you,” I said lamely, willing my voice to come out normally instead of as a growl.
“No he wasn't—he was probably just panhandling. There was no need to…” She shook her head. “Ben, I've never seen you act like that before.”
“I was…frightened for you,” I said. “You shouldn't get ahead of me when we're out in this end of town.”
She was beginning to get mad; I could smell her anger like burning leaves on the crisp autumn air. “Oh, so I should stay by your side like a good little girl, and hold Daddy's hand tight so the big bad boogieman doesn't get me?”
“Something like that,” I muttered. My blood was still surging, urging me to do unspeakable things. In the moonlight, Dani's face looked flushed, and her eyes were bright. I wanted to push her to the ground and take her. I fought it with everything that was in me. God, coming out tonight had been a terrible idea.
“What the hell is wrong with you lately?” Dani demanded, fisting her hands on her hips.
I shrugged and jammed my hands into my jacket pockets to keep from grabbing her. I needed to get inside, out of the moonlight. “Come on,” I said, turning for the lighted building at the end of the row again.
Fuming, she followed me, but I knew I hadn't heard the last of it.