I didn’t tattletale on Mrs.
That’s ’cause if I told Mother, I would get in trouble for spying.
And if I told the store guy, Mrs. might go to jail.
And so I just keeped it a secret inside my head.
’Cause nobody can see secrets inside your head.
Not even if they look in your ears.
On Sunday Grandma and Grampa Miller came to our house for dinner. Only I couldn’t talk to them that much.
That’s because secrets are very slippery. And I didn’t want it to slip out of my mouth by accident.
“Why so quiet tonight, Junie B.?” said Grandma Miller at the table. “Cat got your tongue?”
My mouth went wide open.
“What cat, Grandma? Is it the same cat that got killed by the ice cream truck? How come he wants to get my tongue? Did his tongue get squished in the accident?”
Grandma Miller made a face. Then she didn’t eat her roast beef anymore.
Mother looked surprised at me. “You sure did get chatty all of a sudden. Does this mean you’re not mad about the cookies anymore?”
And so then I remembered to stop talking again. Or else my secret might slip out.
I squeezed my lips together very tight.
And guess what else? Even the next day—when I was on the bus to school—my lips still stayed squeezed.
“Hi, Junie B.,” said my bestest friend Grace.
I did a wave at her.
That Grace frowned at me. “How come you’re not saying hi? You have to say hi. It’s the rules.”
Except for I still didn’t say hi.
And so then she called me the name of big stinky.
And when we got to school, that Grace told Lucille I was being a meanie. And so those two played horses all by theirselves.
And not me.
That’s how come I finally had to sing something very loud at them.
“I’VE GOT A SECRET! HA-HAHA-HA-HAAAA-HAAA,” I sang.
That Grace put her hands on her hips.
“So?” she said. “We don’t care. Do we, Lucille?”
Except for just then Lucille runned over to me speedy quick. ’Cause she cared, that’s why.
“If you tell me your secret, I’ll be your best friend,” she said.
“Yeah, only I can’t, Lucille,” I explained. “ ’Cause if I tell you my secret, Mrs. might get in big trouble. And so I have to keep it inside my head.”
Lucille did a frown at me.
“It’s not good to keep secrets inside your head, Junie B.,” she said. “My brother says keeping secrets inside your head makes pressure in there. And pretty soon your head blows up.”
My eyes got very big at her.
“Oh no!” I hollered real upset.
Then I holded my head real tight with my hands. And I runned my very fastest to the nurse’s office. ’Cause she has Band-Aids to hold your head together, I think.
“MY HEAD’S GONNA BLOW! MY HEAD’S GONNA BLOW!” I yelled at the nurse.
She jumped up from her desk and hurried over to me.
“What’s wrong, Junie B.? Do you have a bad headache?” she asked.
“No. I have a bad secret. It’s about Mrs. Only I can’t tell anybody! And now there’s pressure in my head. And I need a Band-Aid. Or else it’s gonna splode!”
The nurse said calm down to me. Then she put a Band-Aid on my head. And me and her went to Principal’s office.
Principal is the boss of the school.
Me and him know each other very good.
That’s because I keep on getting sent down there. And so now I’m not even afraid of that guy.
Principal sat me in a big wood chair.
“Good afternoon, Junie B.,” he said. “What’s the trouble today?”
“Good afternoon,” I said back. “My head’s gonna blow.”
Principal frowned his eyes at me. “Why do you think that?” he asked.
I did a little bit of squirming. “ ’Cause I got a secret in there, that’s why,” I said.
Principal sat down at his big desk. He folded his hands.
“Maybe if you tell me your secret, I can help you,” he said.
“Yeah, only I can’t talk,” I told him.
Principal looked disappointed at me. “But I thought you and I were pals,” he said.
“We are,” I said. “I’m not even afraid of you.”
Principal did a chuckle. “Good. That’s good,” he said. “Then why don’t you tell me what’s bothering you.”
That’s when I did a huffy breath at him.
’Cause the guy wasn’t listening to me, of course.
“Yeah, only I already said I can’t talk, remember that? ’Cause if I talk, then I might accidentally tell you that my teacher stoled grapes at the grocery store. And then she might have to go to jail. And so that’s how come I just have to keep it a secret inside my head. And that’s all.”
I smoothed my skirt. “The end,” I said.
Then I squeezed my lips together very tight. Or else my secret might slip out.
Only guess what?
I think it already did.