WHAT ARE THE TRAITS OF A GREAT QUESTIONER?
IN THE INTRODUCTION to this book, I made the point that the delivery of a great question at just the right moment, not to mention the forming of a strong habit of doing so regularly, is the result of more than just thinking of a good question. It is the result of developing the skill to question well, and the mindset that will underpin that skill. Ultimately, it is about developing all of these skills to the point that it is a true habit — something you naturally default to when trying to engage someone in conversation and, particularly, when trying to influence someone. In the world of business, that is much of the day, most days of the week!
The traits of a great questioner
What is the mindset of a great questioner? What traits will most commonly be present in the mindset of those who have genuinely formed great questioning habits?
Curiosity
Somebody genuinely interested in learning more, discovering more and uncovering more information is likely to be a natural questioner.
Of course, this book has focused significantly on workplace situations where you’re not primarily interested in discovering new things; you probably know more about the situation than the person to whom you’re talking; or perhaps you are trying to influence another person to adjust their behaviour. In these situations, curiosity may not seem all that important. Nonetheless, having a curious mind is still a good foundation for developing a strong questioning habit.
Curiosity indicates an interest in others and other things. It suggests a natural bent toward questioning and, while not the focus of this book, there are many other business situations that benefit from a questioning habit, including innovation, business improvement and strategy development.
Courage
Let’s remember for a moment that, in situations of influence, the tough questions — those questions that cause the other person to think, sometimes to sweat — are often the most valuable. Sometimes, they are kidney questions. An extremely awkward silence usually follows these questions — a silence that you know is invaluable.
Courage is almost certainly required to ask these questions — you know that it will be uncomfortable. It takes courage to maintain the awkward silence that follows. You know that silence is helping the other person to have realisations, but it is also uneasy for both of you. It takes courage to ask questions that you may not know the answer to and when you may not even know where those questions will take the conversation. It takes courage to accept that you may ask questions to which you won’t like the answer. Yes, part of the mindset of a great questioner is having the courage to ask the great questions, because it is often not pleasant!
“ Part of the mindset of a great questioner is having the courage to ask the great questions. „
Patience
Earlier, we discussed how impatience is among the reasons many people are not great questioners. They want things done, and questions answered, quickly. They believe (sometimes correctly) that the fastest way to do something is to do it themselves, or at least just tell someone else what to do. This fails to recognise that they’ll have to do it again and again — a process that costs them more of their own time.
The preferable approach would be to guide and coach someone else to do the task, thereby developing that other person and saving your time long into the future. Asking questions will strengthen this process of guiding and coaching and will therefore inevitably take longer than just stepping in and doing the job yourself. However, done well, you will achieve your desired outcomes and you will only have to guide and coach them once. At that moment in time, demonstrating good patience is definitely helpful!
Another trait of a great questioner is being open. Yes, in some situations, you know the answer to the questions and are simply using questions as a tool to get someone thinking. For example, when giving feedback to your team, you probably know what you want them to do but you are asking questions to help them work it out for themselves. Nonetheless, to be effective in this situation, you should still be listening with an open mind to how they respond and with close attention to that response.
Remember, what are you asking of them? You’re asking them to engage their mind, so you should do so as well! In other situations, you genuinely won’t know the answer to the questions and are using them to explore. Clearly, in those situations, an open mind is invaluable.
A belief in other people
Within the mindset of a great questioner will inevitably be a belief in other people and their abilities. Using questions to influence someone is predicated on the idea that, with appropriate questioning, that person will be able to come up with valid answers. The person to whom you’re directing the questions will always influence your choice of question. Your assessment of their capability will influence the type of questions that you ask and, in this sense, your belief in their abilities is important.
Developing a general belief in the ability of other people is a good starting point in these moments. Having a default belief that others can, and will, come up with good answers will help automate the questioning habit. At a base level, this is a belief that you are not the only source of valuable knowledge, nor the only source of answers. Others can come up with answers just as effectively as you can.
Recognising the value of other people
Given this belief, it then seems apparent that one of the underlying values of a great questioner might be to value other people as much as — if not more than — they value themselves. This is clearly a balancing act.
I’m a firm advocate of the importance of self-belief, inner confidence and a strong sense of self-worth. However, combined with the aim of being a strong questioner, these values must be balanced with genuinely valuing others — their success, their ideas and their abilities. In a sense, you must value the development of others, the recognition of others and the achievement of others — at least as much as your own. By its very nature, questioning throws light onto the other person, away from you.
Placing a high value on their own time
Perhaps slightly counterintuitively, great questioners value their time so highly that they move slowly. So often, the fastest way to resolve a situation is to provide the answer yourself or take action immediately. However, that usually implies that when the situation is confronted again, you’ll have to provide the answer or take action again.
Clearly, it would be faster in the medium- or long-term to support someone else to develop that ability (for example, a member of your team) or someone else to come up with the right solution (for example, in a negotiation). In that moment it feels slower, but ultimately it will save considerable time. In this way, people who default to questions in these situations (those that have mastered the skill and habit of questioning) are saving their time. Evidently, they value it highly!
“ Great questioners value their time so highly that they move slowly. „
The value of exploration
The other value that I believe can assist in becoming a great questioner is the value of exploration. In some instances, asking questions is simply a tool to effect change in someone else. You know the answers, you know what needs to be done, or you know what should happen — you’re simply asking questions to engage the other person sufficiently to influence them.
However, in many situations, you don’t know the answers to the questions. You are asking questions in a genuine attempt to find answers, make breakthroughs or come up with new ideas. This might be in search of innovation or to simply solve a day-to-day problem. Whatever the situation, asking questions is being used to trigger new ideas and, to some extent, go into uncharted territory for your mind.
The thrill of exploring new ideas and finding solutions can be great fun. It can also be uncomfortable. We typically like certainty, and we like to know the answer. We feel more comfortable when we know what’s going on. Nonetheless, the more we let go of this certainty and become comfortable with the discomfort of exploration, the more we’ll be rewarded with the thrill of discovery.