One look at his expression told Tara everything she needed to know.
She’d sat stunned in front of the computer for what seemed like hours, but was actually only a few minutes, and was only woken from her trance when she heard Glenn’s key in the front door.
“Tara? Are you here?” He’d moved around the kitchen for a minute or two before eventually finding her in the living room, sitting dazedly in front of the laptop.
“What are you doing? I thought you were finishing work early this evening, and . . . hey, what’s wrong?”
When she didn’t answer, wouldn’t look at him, he asked again. “Tara?” Then he looked past her face to the computer screen, and his face paled. It was then that Tara knew for sure that her worst fears had been realised.
“What the hell is going on, Glenn?” she whispered, barely able to find her voice. “Is this . . .” she turned to the computer screen, “this person really you? Or is this all some kind of joke?”
But Tara knew deep down that it was no joke; Glenn’s face had drained of colour and he wouldn’t meet her eyes.
“What are you talking about?” he said, but his words held no conviction.
“I’m talking about you giving advice on some Internet site about pregnancy and abortion! What the hell would you know about things like that, Glenn?”
“So you’re checking up on me now – is that it?” he countered, but Tara knew it was only for show.
“I wasn’t checking up on you! You know I’ve had to use this computer while mine is out of action! I was looking for something totally different and I just happened to . . . Anyway, that’s not the point,” she went on, eyes flashing with anger. “What the hell is this all about? Tell me, Glenn!”
He ran a hand through his hair and began to pace the room. “Look, I was going to tell you –”
Right then, Tara thought she actually felt her heart split in two. Oh no . . . please no. “When?” she cried. “When were you going to tell me, Glenn? When she had the baby? Or were the two of you planning on keeping that a secret from us too – hoping none of us would know any better?”
“I just didn’t . . .” Glenn was lost for words.
Tara felt the room swim out of focus. She couldn’t believe this. How could he? How could she? How on earth could this nightmare have happened?
“Tell me, Glenn!”
“It wasn’t going to be a secret much longer. I was going to tell you soon. Her parents already know.”
“I see, so it’s OK to tell her parents but not me –” Then, she shook her head wildly as his words penetrated her brain properly. “Hold on a second, what do you mean her parents know? You mean it’s not Emma?”
Glenn looked like she’d punched him in the face. “Emma . . . what the fuck? Are you crazy? Emma’s your sister, for fuck’s sake! What kind of a sicko do you think I am?”
Tara didn’t know whether to be relieved or upset or even more angry. In all honesty, she just didn’t know how to feel. “But if it’s not Emma then . . . who?”
Glenn was still shaking his head. “I can’t believe you thought that I’d do something like that with Emma. That’s sick!”
“Well, if it’s not Emma, then who the hell is it, Glenn?” Tara repeated vehemently.
“I was going to tell you,” he repeated, “but I just couldn’t bring myself to. Look, you’ve been in such good form since we came back from the holiday – I didn’t want to ruin things for you. And I know you’re worried about this thing with Emma too and you’ve been up and down to Castlegate a lot –”
“Oh, so while the cat’s away, the mice will play, is it?” Tara challenged.
He shook his head from side to side. “No, it wasn’t that. Look, I just couldn’t find the right time.”
“Now is a good time,” she said, her tone hardening. “Or should I just scroll down through the rest of the forum?”
“I still can’t believe you spied on me like that.”
“It wasn’t like that. I was looking for something else and I came across the webpage. I had no idea you were a member of this website. What were you doing giving people advice like that? Were you not afraid of being found out? Jesus, Glenn, of all people you should know enough about computers to realise that you shouldn’t have let yourself stay logged in like that. Or didn’t you care whether or not you were found out? Is that it?”
“Believe me, I didn’t know that would happen. I was sure I’d logged out last time I was in, but the cookies must have saved it and –”
“Spare me the technical stuff, Glenn, and please tell me what the hell is going on! Who is this girl you’ve got pregnant?”
Glenn sighed. “It’s difficult to know where to start,”
“The beginning will be fine,” she said, trying to keep her voice even.
He sighed deeply and took a seat on the armchair across from her.
“Her name is . . . Abby,” he began, his eyes studying the carpet. “We met a couple of months back . . . in Egypt.”
Tara couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “In Egypt . . . while you were supposed to be on holiday with me?” she croaked.
He nodded, ashamed. “She was taking the scubadiving course too, and she’s Irish – from Donnybrook – and over the few days going out on the boat, we sort of . . . hit it off.”
Now Tara understood why he’d been so unconcerned about her going off to the pyramids with Natalie. In fact, he’d practically insisted she go! And why not – when it would free him up to go off and chase some girl! How could he? How could he deceive her like that? Glenn had never been the secretive type: they had always been straight up with one another.
Or so she’d thought.
“So, let me get this straight. All those times I stayed around the pool and you were supposed to be going off on the boat, you were actually off with some girl?”
“No, I was going off on the boat. I did take the course. She was taking it too.”
“I see – very convenient, wasn’t it?”
Glenn wouldn’t look at her. “I’m sorry – it just happened.”
“And now she’s pregnant,” Tara stated acidly. “When did this happen? On some plastic sun-lounger in Egypt, or did you continue seeing her after we got home?”
Still, he wouldn’t look at her. “We met up a couple of times afterwards, yes,” he said shamefully. “And then . . . it happened. Look, we didn’t mean for it to –”
“Oh, spare me that bullshit! You know as well as I do that these things don’t ‘just happen’!”
“I said I was sorry,” he replied, his tone hardening somewhat. “This is hard enough for me as it is, without feeling guilty about you too!”
“You selfish . . . why shouldn’t you feel guilty, going around behind my back like that? And what else did you think I’d feel?”
“I’m sorry . . . I just . . . I’m sorry,” Glenn repeated as Tara stared into space, unable to believe what was happening.
Eventually, Tara got up and walked out, unable to stay in the same room as him any longer. She went into the kitchen and put her head in her hands. In a few months’ time, Glenn – her Glenn – would be the father of some strange girl’s baby.
What on earth was she going to do?
The following morning, a bubbly and energetic Liz arrived at the house, Eric having driven her all the way from Castlegate. Tara and Glenn had sat up for hours the previous night discussing everything that had happened, Glenn apologising over and over, Tara trying in vain to come to terms with it all. She’d lain awake for hours in bed afterwards, wondering what on earth would happen to them now. Glenn had insisted he was going to stick by this . . . this Abby (Tara could barely bring herself to utter the girl’s name).
“She’s carrying my child, and she needs my support,” he told Tara, when she’d calmed down somewhat from the shock of her initial discovery. “You must understand that I have to stand by her.”
“Do you love her?” Tara asked him.
Glenn was hesitant, and again he wouldn’t give her a straight answer.
“I . . . I don’t know. I think so,” he said, while inside Tara’s heart shattered.
So it seemed he had it all worked out. He was standing by this girl – this soon-to-be mother of his child. Good for him, she’d thought, as she lay wide awake well into the night. He’d had weeks to come to terms with this, to think about what it meant for his future. But what about her? What about what she thought? Didn’t that matter to him at all? Did he think that she’d just stand by, say nothing and accept things as they were? That saying sorry would be enough?
Tara didn’t know; and that morning she could barely see straight from lack of sleep, let alone get excited about the upcoming trip.
Earlier that morning, Glenn had gone out to work as usual and had given her a warm hug, before urging her apologetically to “try and enjoy it” and that they’d talk some more on her return.
Tara hadn’t returned the hug and almost wanted to laugh out loud at the idea of enjoying herself. A jaunt to London was the last thing she wanted or needed after the bombshell he’d landed on her, but at the same time she didn’t want to let Natalie, or indeed Liz, down.
“I’m so looking forward to this!” her friend squealed, as she excitedly dropped her bags in the hallway and followed Tara through to the kitchen. “And Eric was fine about my going – he actually told me I deserved the break – which was a turn-up for the books, I can tell you, and . . .” Her words trailed off as, in the bright light of the kitchen, she properly caught sight of Tara’s drawn and anxious face. “What’s the matter?” she gasped. “Tara, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, Liz – everything’s such a mess!” Unable to hide her distress any longer, Tara sank into a kitchen chair and put her head in her hands.
“What is it? What’s happened?”
“It’s Glenn!” she cried. “He’s made such a mess of everything!”
And through her tears, Tara spilled out the whole sorry tale to Liz, including the part where she’d suspected that Glenn might have been the father of Emma’s baby.
“I suppose that’s the only positive thing to come out of this,” she said afterwards, grimacing through her tears. “If it had been Emma he’d been seeing, I don’t think I could have ever got over that – none of us would.”
Liz said nothing, and Tara knew the mention of her sister’s name raised the question of her pregnancy and the elusive father once more. In fact, if Glenn had been revealed as the father, then Eric would have been off the hook, wouldn’t he? And all of Liz’s worries would have been at an end. But Tara couldn’t think about that now.
Eventually Liz shook her head. “I can only imagine what you’re going through,” she said, her voice gentle, “but at least he admitted everything and was willing to talk about it with you. And no matter what he might have done, Glenn is still a good and decent guy. You’ll work it out between you, I know you will.”
Tara sniffed. She wasn’t so sure whether or not she wanted to work it out. It might be easier to just throw Glenn out on his ear and let him and his girlfriend go it alone. But deep down, she knew she wouldn’t do that. She and Glenn had been through too much over the years, and despite what had happened, she loved him like crazy.
“I just don’t know how to deal with it,” she told Liz sadly. “He’s going to be a father soon, he and some slapper he barely knows! He’s said he wants to stand by her, that he has to stand by her. And if he’s so determined to do that, so determined to become involved in this girl and her baby’s life, then, Liz, where on earth does that leave me?”