7. Lessons on Embracing Adversity
A tree hemmed in by giants
Requires tenacity to survive.
Deng Ming-Dao,
AS THE QUOTE by author Deng Ming-Dao suggests, without the adverse conditions of being blocked by others, the tree in the forest would not have to gather its strength to grow tall. The adversity, itself, enables the tree to become great, just as all adversity in our lives presents us with the opportunity to discover how great we can be. Fear, in the presence of adversity, exacerbates the problem. Determination, resilience, and perspective will enable you to successfully emerge from the danger by staring fear in the eyes and using it as an advantage.
Adversity is a form of spiritual crisis triggering many emotional responses such as self-doubt, loss of confidence, frustration, panic, pressure, anxiety, and stress. Yet, like all crises, it becomes a gift in disguise. In Chinese, the word “crisis” is made up of two characters: wei, meaning “danger” and chi, meaning “opportunity.” It is both danger and opportunity simultaneously. Translated, it means “opportunity blowing on a dangerous wind.” In order to discover this opportunity from adversity or crisis, you must, like the champion, show determination to bounce back as well as demonstrate resilience, the quality of digging deep to find a “second wind.” Such mental toughness, coupled with this philosophical, spiritual perspective, will often reveal the silver lining of the cloud. In adverse scenarios, if you keep your cool, observe, and refrain from harsh judgment and despair, you will hear your inner wisdom and be in position to embrace the opportunities opening to you from each crisis.
Athletics is a perfect environment for learning lessons about how to deal with crisis because, in the space of a one-hour contest, you are forced to face some or all of the many forms of adversity: defeat, mistakes, errors, failure, frustration, fatigue, injury, plateaus, and even success with its fleeting nature. By learning to adjust the focus of your lens of perception on these forms of adversity, and beginning to embrace them for what they ultimately offer, you take your first step on the way of gaining the competitive edge in sport as well as all of life.
PLATEAU POWER
MANY ATHLETES detest reaching a plateau along the way of personal development. They lose patience, become frustrated, and attempt to force something to happen before its time has come. Discouragement leads to desperation, which further complicates an already tenuous situation.
On the other hand, champions teach us the benefits of plateaus both in training and in competition. Rather than perceive plateaus as another block to progress, they accept them as necessary and essential holding patterns on the path of mastery. Champions teach us that such stages are not a danger, but an opportunity to learn, through repetition, how to become adept at this new level of performance. These athletes understand that forward movement occurs when the time is right, not when they think they should advance. You may have performed at a higher level once or twice athletically or professionally, but that doesn’t mean that you now have the understanding, development, and maturity to function consistently at that level. Your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual selves must be equally developed before consistently going to that next level. This takes time, and champions persist with patience while waiting for this to happen. In the world of cycling, there’s an expression that relates to this: All is possible... it’s just time in the saddle.
Getting to be your best demands this time. Love the plateau; it is your friend.
CHALLENGING WORK
CHAMPIONS ARE TOTALLY COMMITTD to developing a strong work ethic. As previously stated in the section on complacency in Chapter 5, champions desire to do all that it takes to accomplish the task. They conduct a needs assessment, plan the work, and proceed to work the plan. In most cases, that which separates the champions from the second tier is that the champions are willing to take on all challenges and do all those unpleasant tasks that the others refuse to do.
Allow me to tell you a story about my competitive days as a distance runner. I would train three to four hours a day, every day, logging 100 -plus miles a week. I remember feeling tired, exhausted, and sore both mentally and physically at the end of the day. Yet I totally loved it. Sometimes I would go out on a cold 17 -degree January night and run an eight-mile loop on a country road, with a friend driving a car behind me for illumination and safety. I knew that not many were willing to feel this pain—they didn’t want success as badly. My work ethic challenged me and placed me in an enviable position. From this, I was able to win a national team title and several individual regional championships. I feel confident that in life I can accomplish whatever I desire because I am willing to work harder and smarter than my competitor.
The lesson to be learned from champions is that all great accomplishments in life require us to pass the test of a strong work ethic. It is not something we are born with; it is learned and developed over long periods of time. Get out of bed before others and go to the gym. Add something to your training program. Arrive at the office before others to get the jump, challenge yourself to write two pages every day. A work ethic takes work to develop. All champions know this and receive much recognition for such a work style. A work ethic is a skill that anyone can learn.
Here is an astounding fact. Many in the know believe that the greatest athletic champions in the world today are neither Olympic champions nor the stars of professional sports, but the “marathon monks” of Japan’s sacred Mount Hiei. Over a seven-year training period, these “running buddhas” figuratively circle the globe on foot. During one incredible 100 -day stretch, they cover 52. 2 miles daily—twice the length of an Olympic marathon. But the prize they seek is not a pot of gold nor a few fleeting moments of glory; rather it is to capture the greatest sense of awareness one could ever achieve: enlightenment in the here and now, which will allow them to become modern-day saints. This is indicative of a group of people’s commitment to embracing adversity through a driving work ethic, which symbolizes the determination of a champion who aspires to achieve. Their message to all of us is clear: If you do what seems impossible, there is nothing that cannot be accomplished.
PAIN OF HOLDING BACK
CHARACTERISTIC OF CHAMPIONS is their utmost respect for themselves and their opponents, often manifested by their refusal to hold back. Yet there are times when they lose sight of this concept by not giving their all, thus jeopardizing their integrity and possibly the outcome of the game. For example, the national champion women’s field hockey team at the University of Maryland “held back” in a devastating 3 – 2 loss to conference rival Virginia. The pain following the game was not the loss but the fact that they didn’t give their best effort. At a meeting later that week, we discussed how the pain of going all out is nothing compared to the deeper pain of waking up the next morning wondering how great you might have been, if you hadn’t held back. That following weekend they stepped up and put it on the line against Old Dominion University. Despite a tough 1 – 0 defeat, the women felt confident, strong, and satisfied with their champion-like play. Committed to playing this way, during their next outing they went on to beat a very strong North Carolina team. By not holding back, the pain of going all out has its rewards, regardless of the outcomes.
Why hold back in any performance of life? Take on the pain and fatigue and use this all-out effort as a guide to help you measure your growth and development as a champion. It’s not about the opponent— ever. It’s about you and your own definition and standard of what is extraordinary. Use your opponent as a partner who, coupled with his or her all-out efforts, can help you discover how good you truly are.
THE SUCCESS OF FAILURE
WHEN WORKING with some of this nation’s best athletes, I notice they share at least two common traits. First is a high tolerance for setbacks. They teach us to accept failure as a necessary experience, the price you pay for taking the risks to become your best. Second, they make more mistakes than anyone. Mistakes are the result of trying more. They learn from their mistakes, improve, then succeed.
Failure and setback are equated with crisis. Remember that the word for “crisis” in Chinese means two things simultaneously: danger and opportunity. Champions perceive failures as opportunities to learn, and then, with their new-found knowledge, they begin to experience success and forge ahead. Three-time Olympic gold medal winner Jackie Joyner-Kersee has held nineteen world records in various track and field events. She was not always a winner, but always a champion. She claims that losing a race, and understanding why, allowed her to become the resilient champion she is. In a sense, failure was her success, her best friend in sport.
The following strategy will help you to see your setbacks as success opportunities, and help you regain your perspective in all aspects of sports and life:
1. Record the objective facts about the situation; for example, “I got dropped by the group on the first hill,” or “I couldn’t complete the workout,” or “I couldn’t meet the deadline for the proposal.”
2. Record your subjective judgment about this experience; for example, “I’m a terrible athlete, worker, person. I don’t deserve to be part of this....”
3. Record your feelings in response to this subjective judgment; for example, “I’m disappointed, depressed, and upset.”
4. Record the objective data that supports the judgment in Step 2 . There probably is no conclusive data to verify your comments.
5. Record what you’ve learned from the setback; for example, “I need to focus on hill repeats in my training,“ or “I need to pace myself at the start of races,” or “I need to be more organized and manage my time more effectively.”
6. Record how you now feel, based on Step 5 . For example, “I’m still disappointed, but I’ll be okay. I’m better because of it, and I look forward to another try.”
In addition to this strategy, you can continue to strengthen your resilience by embracing failure or setbacks as a positive, natural, inevitable process. After all, there are two types of performers: those who fail and those who will. The following guidelines will help you to use failure to your advantage:
Establish realistic, challenging short-range goals. Since you are likely to achieve these goals frequently, you will build in the psychological message that “I am a winner; I accomplish my goals.” This will ignite courage, confidence, motivation, and commitment for the future.
Remember that it is absolutely impossible for anyone to be thoroughly successful, competent, and achieving. Failure is part of the process of success. Performance is a roller
coaster, and to think otherwise is extremely irrational and the cause of much stress. Ups and downs can be expected. You win some, lose some; you’re hot, you’re not. Don’t fight with yourself when failure, the teacher, pays an unexpected visit. Open up to learning from it.
Mastery takes time. Patience, persistence, and perseverance are the three P’s of extraordinary performance.
True failure can be defined as your unwillingness to see the positive and take the risks to grow and improve. You never want to look back with regret and wish you had taken the risk to go all-out and find how good you could have been.
Like the Zen warrior, expect nothing, but be ready for anything. Expectations with regard to outcomes are setups for failure. Establish strong visions of preference, and then do everything within your ability and power to bring those preferences to fruition.
Failure is not devastating; you probably won’t die from it. But it is disappointing. When you look back upon outward success or failures in competitive situations, you’ll notice that they’re rarely indicative of absolute truth: You are never as great as your best victory, nor as bad as your worst defeat. Refuse to give too much credence to your results.
Once you have a handle on this perspective on failure or success, you may want to create affirmations to be used as touchstones to keep you on the right track. Create your own or tailor any of the following to your needs:
Failures are lessons from which I learn and forge ahead.
Adversity leads to inner strength. I am a better athlete, worker, person because of it.
I act, not react; I learn from failure.
Setbacks are my teachers; they help me to go beyond my limits.
Finally, use the tools of meditation and visualization (go back to “The Still Point” in Chapter 5) to guide you to success from failure. In your mind’s eye, see yourself correcting the mistakes and errors you made this week, and feel yourself performing exactly as you’d like, having learned from those setbacks. Make the corrections over and over in your mind, until you can feel the exhilaration of doing things correctly.
In the martial art aikido, the fighter blends with an opposing force, moves with it, and uses it to his or her advantage. Try this approach with failure: see it as a gift and an opposing force to blend with, as you use its lessons to your advantage. By so doing, you cause the power of the opposing force (failure) to cease to exist. You redirect the force and forge ahead.
Just as the tumultuous chaos of a thunderstorm brings a nurturing rain that allows life to flourish, so to in human affairs times of advancement are preceded by times of disorder. Success comes to those who can weather the storm.
I truly enjoy taking the opportunity to inform my athletes about my impeccable, somewhat impressive, three-page résumé. I mention how my apparent professional and athletic successes are real, yet create an illusion of the absence of failure. The truth is, those three pages of successes are the result of three hundred pages of rejection, failure, setbacks, and mistakes, without which I wouldn’t be who I am today. Buddhist philosophy would say that the arrow hits the bull’s-eye as the result of a hundred misses. My failures are my successes. This perception of setback and failure strengthens my resilience, as I am determined to bounce back wiser and stronger than before. The champion sees that there is no alternative.
Remember to keep this perspective whenever you face any kind of failure. You’ve realized tremendous physiological, psychological, mental, and spiritual benefits from your diligent efforts; to become tense over a poor performance negates much of what has been gained. Not only are a few failures and setbacks inaccurate indications of your abilities and potential, they may very well be the key to your greatest breakthroughs and successes. I am reminded of the wisdom of Tao: “In the Natural Law some lose and in this way gain.” I can tell you this: Today’s failure won’t matter in ten years, but failing to continue to go forward might.
THE DANGER OF SUCCESS
SUCCESS AND VICTORY on the scoreboard of sports and life present us with another type of adversity: how to handle the inevitability of decline. The Tao teaches that cycles and change are constant. Therefore, when you win an event, you believe that you have “arrived,” yet eventually you will experience the “fade.” The ancient Chinese book of transformation, the I Ching, reminds us that “the zenith is usually brief.... When decline approaches, the superior man does not consciously anticipate it, for he expects such cyclic changes. He is concerned with making the best of matters at hand.”
The champion understands that all successful results and outcomes are followed by loss, and all loss is the foundation for future triumph. Champions teach us the importance of enjoying the moments of victory while they last, yet knowing that in decline, they will use their setbacks as building blocks for self-advancement.
Another, more subtle, danger associated with success is how it could potentially threaten other aspects of life: job, family, friends. After all, if you are really good at sports, business, or any other activity, you may be tempted to devote more time to your passion to become even better. This could mean devoting less time to family and friends. Those who succeed can easily experience some pressure not to break away from society’s stereotypical expectations, and they could feel a twinge of guilt for achieving beyond conventionally ordained limitations. For example, if you are a thirty-eight-year-old who is experiencing success as a runner, you may feel that you’re avoiding responsibilities as a parent, if you devote more and more time to training as an athlete. Others may wonder when you will ever “grow up.” Also, success in business may create a problem for friends who see less of you because of work commitments.
And then, unlike its counterpart, “failure,” success seems to present little opportunity to learn. It can distort reality as you forget your weaknesses and exaggerate your strengths. Being successful creates the sense that you are the best, the expert who knows all. In truth, there may be much to learn, especially if your victory was against a less talented team or an inferior company. You run the danger of becoming smitten or complacent with your performance, as we discussed in Chapter 5 .
The lessons from champions and the wisdom of the Tao are clear: Once you achieve success, you can help yourself ride the wave, without sabotaging it, by seeing your success as part of the larger process of life. Use your success as a feedback mechanism that indicates you are on the right track. Set new goals that will keep you on this path into the future. Remember that real success is the quality of that journey. Understand that cycles of decline are usually followed by cycles of expansion. Accept this balance and all that it has to offer.
THE FATIGUE INTRIGUE
LEARNING THE LESSONS about fatigue is an important step in gaining the competitive advantage. Champions know that fatigue is universal, it spares no one, as it touches all age groups and all levels of ability—not only in sports, but in other arenas of life as well. Acknowledging this truth, the champion can relax, which, in itself, helps to relieve fatigue.
Fighting fatigue is futile; if you resist, it will persist. The effort to combat it will only expend energy, increase anxiety, and exacerbate the uncomfortable situation. Instead of fighting it, cooperate with it. Try to think of it as a familiar aspect of self-discovery. Talk back to it: for example, “Oh, it’s you again. You always seem to visit me at this stage of the race or this time of day. Fine, you can come along if you wish, but I’m not slowing down or giving up—so hurry and join me.” By conducting such an imaginary conversation, you automatically reduce the anxiety by refusing to grant power to this nuisance.
Fatigue can also be triggered by the mind before the body is actually ready to become tired. How many times have you been running along smoothly in a race when suddenly an unanticipated hill appears, and fatigue mysteriously sets in? Perhaps you have found yourself getting tired after being passed by a runner you know you could beat. Maybe you’ve been at work for hours, accomplishing a great deal, when suddenly you think about how much more needs to be done, and you begin to experience an energy drop. These situations, where the mind becomes burdened by what lies ahead, create an anxiety response, which can lead to tightness and other negative physiological reactions that contribute to the onset of physical fatigue.
How do most of us respond to fatigue? We lose confidence, become distracted, feel frustrated, negative, and fearful. To combat these reactions to what is inevitable, try the mind-set of the champion, by doing the following:
1. Focus on one small segment at a time. With five miles to go in a marathon, focus on running one mile only, then repeat it four times. At work, chop off fifteen-minute segments at a time. With writing, I may simply try to complete a segment of a chapter rather than complete the whole thing at once.
2. Focus on how close you are to the finish, if that is so.
3. Concentrate on the mechanics of your sport, form, and pace, as well as other task-centered considerations, to distract attention from the discomfort.
4. Know that all the others probably hurt and feel tired at this point in the contest, or during a hard workday. They dislike the fatigue as well and are getting more tense as time goes by. If they can do it, so can you.
5. Focus on relaxing your face muscles. Imagine the tightness in the shoulder dissipating. Let your muscles “hang on the bones.”
6. Bargain with your body. Tell it you will get a massage, take a hot bath, and rest as you nourish it with healthy food.
7. Change your view of fatigue. Tell yourself that this is the feeling all champions experience when pushing through to the next level, a necessary feeling in the exploration of your full potential.
You have many alternatives for coping with fatigue. I suggest giving each one a try to see what works best for you. Prior to each event, mentally prepare the strategies you will employ. Knowing that you are in control will stall the anxiety and mitigate fatigue. At the first hint of pain, put your strategies to work. Keep in mind that you can take charge of fatigue; you need not suffer through it.
INJURY AS MEDITATION
INJURY , as with all adversity, presents the champion with a crisis that triggers a myriad of emotional responses, from denial to anger, depression, confusion, and, hopefully, acceptance. As danger blows in, opportunity presents itself in many ways.
First of all, if injury were to talk, it would tell us, “Something is not right!” This is a perfect time to reflect upon and reevaluate what is happening in your life. The I Ching sees this as a natural time to “nurture your body and soul... look for wisdom in your acceptance of these times.” Such thinking requires a shift in perception. For example, you can view your injury or illness as the body’s way of saying “take a break.” See it as a period of rest and recuperation from which you will bounce back and reach greater heights. While your legs are “on hold,” work the cardiovascular system by swimming, biking, and weight training. Many athletes are pleasantly surprised to find they can achieve a higher level of fitness while injured because they’ve become more determined to “do it right” and stay injury-free.
Your perception of the injury or illness is crucial to the healing process. Give yourself hope... and why not, since most athletic injuries and stress-related illnesses are treatable and eventually heal. A lack of hope creates much tension, depression, and anxiety, which inhibit the path to recovery. This “secondary injury” effect exacerbates the situation exponentially. The use of meditation techniques (as discussed in “The Still Point,” in Chapter 5) has proven beneficial with such secondary problems. I help injured athletes and ailing clients by giving to them positive mental images and asking them to feel their bodies being healthy, vibrant, and strong. I tell them to affirm each day, “Every day, in every way, I get stronger and healthier.” This instills them with courage and hope, thereby relieving muscle tension, which in turn aids the recovery process. Science is still uncertain just how the mind is able to accomplish this, but there is growing evidence in medical literature that it can be done. O. Carl Simonton, M.D., author of Getting Well Again, has had incredible success using imagery exercises with cancer patients. His research shows that a high correlation exists between positive treatment results and positive attitudes of patients using visualization in concert with other therapeutic approaches. I strongly encourage athletes to use visualization in much the same way.
Finally, it is crucial to understand the importance of laughter in the treatment of injury. Could it be that your grandparents’ adage—“Laughter is the best medicine”—holds true? The great philosopher Kant believed that laughter produced a feeling of health through the furtherance of the vital bodily processes. Freud also found humor to be a useful way of mitigating tension in his patients. Maybe the “laughing Buddha” is an image for all of us to emulate.
Research is now showing that not only laughter, but all positive emotions, especially happiness, cause the brain to secrete endogenous opiates (endorphins) that relieve pain and tension. When you lack a sense of humor and react negatively to life’s events, you allow those events to ultimately dictate how you feel and live. You give them permission to make you feel unhappy, irritable, or frustrated.
Brooding will not help heal an injury. Use this time of discomfort to gather emotional strength. Work on freeing yourself of self-pity and resentment about your misfortune. Such a conscious change in attitude will hasten the recovery process.
LESSONS AS AFFIRMATIONS
All good growth and improvement is accompanied by adversity. With determination, resilience, and perspective, I emerge successfully.
Adversity is both danger and opportunity. I remain aware of the importance of both.
I go with the flow on my plateau. Plateaus are important components on my path to mastery.
All of my accomplishments are the result of a strong work ethic and learning from failure and setbacks.
The pain of going all-out is much less than the pain of holding back.
Loss is my teacher. I lose and, in this way, win.
My successes are the result of learning from my failures.
Fatigue is part of the journey. Everyone becomes tired.
I take the necessary steps to control this demon.
I use injury as a time to meditate and reflect upon possible change and direction in my life.
QUESTIONS ON THE QUEST:
What five examples of adversity do I need to embrace in my life and athletics?
What five actions can I take now to better cope with these adverse conditions?
What possible opportunities could come my way as a result of this adversity?
What lessons am I supposed to learn from all my adversity?