She was real. Dylan leaned back against the seat of his carriage and closed his eyes. During these past five years, he had almost come to believe that he had imagined her that night at the Palladium, that he had somehow conjured her out of the desperation in his soul, a muse to sit on his shoulder like a bewitching pixy, taunting him with nothing but a series of notes and the sweet promise of a symphony. She was real after all.
The moment he had seen her again, he had heard that same bit of music. If only he could remember those notes, hear them clearly enough to write them down, but though he tried, he could not bring them back. They were drowned out by the noise in his mind that made his head ache and the sound of traffic as his carriage made the slow crawl around Piccadilly Circus.
The music would not be lost, however, not this time. He had found his muse, and with her, the music. Now he knew enough about her that it would be easy to locate her, and that was the only reason he had let her get away. He knew just how to find her again.
Grace, with those light green eyes and that tawny blond hair. A woman of extraordinary beauty and surprising passion. When he had pinned her against that wall and kissed her, she had recognized what was in his body, known what it meant, enjoyed it. So had he. No timid virgin, this muse of his. No, she was a woman who had known a lover’s touch and savored it. If he made love to her, he could only imagine what music the sweet heat of her body would inspire. He intended to find a way to make that happen.
The carriage came to a halt in front of a gaming hell in Soho. It was one Dylan particularly favored, because, with its tinny pianoforte, pretty bawds, and crowds of men, it was noisy enough to drown out every other sound in his brain. It was also ethical enough not to weight the dice, mark the cards, or water the liquor. Most important of all, it was always open for business. At half past two in the morning, Dylan’s evening had barely begun.
Luck favored him on this occasion, and he walked away from the baccarat tables six hours and two bottles of brandy later, richer by three hundred and seventeen pounds. Not that it would last, of course. Next time, he would lose it all and then some, but it never really mattered to him if he won or lost. Gambling was a distraction, and that was the important thing. These days, he lived for diversions and distractions, anything that would keep him from letting the whine in his head drive him mad.
It was just past nine o’clock in the morning when Dylan arrived at his own home in Portman Square, not an unusual time for him. Though it was not a large house, Dylan had amused himself by filling it with as many modern conveniences and comfortable luxuries as possible. Another diversion, for in truth, the only material thing that mattered to Dylan was his piano.
Though his body was tired, he was not home to seek his bed. He never slept well, and after the events of this evening, he knew any attempt to sleep would be futile. He left Roberts waiting out in front of the house with the carriage, for he intended only to bathe, shave, and change out of evening clothes, then depart again.
When his butler, Osgoode, opened the front door, Dylan had only taken one step inside the black-and-white tiled foyer before the servant said, “You have had a visitor, sir.”
Dylan handed over his cloak, hat, and gloves. “When?”
“She came about two hours ago.”
“She?” Though there were several women at present who might be inclined to call on him at such a scandalously early hour, he doubted that the only woman who piqued his interest at this moment was one of them. “Who was it?”
“A nun, sir. A Catholic nun.”
Despite his headache, Dylan could not help laughing at that. “A nun coming to call on me at any time of day is unbelievable, but at seven o’clock in the morning, it is ridiculous,” he said as he crossed the foyer to the stairs. “Does she expect to find contributors half-asleep and hope to collect more for her charities that way?”
“She did not come to collect for charity, sir,” the butler called after him. “She came to deliver something to you.”
“Oh, yes?” He threw the words carelessly over his shoulder as he climbed the stairs, uninterested. “Religious tracts, I suppose.”
To his astonishment, the butler followed him up the stairs. “Begging your pardon, sir,” he said, panting as he attempted to keep up with Dylan, whose long legs and impatience had given him the habit of taking stairs two at a time. “It is of far greater significance than that. I believe you should see for yourself. At once.”
Dylan paused at the first floor, his hand on the polished rosewood cap of the wrought-iron stair rail as he turned to stare down at the servant who had halted several steps below him. This insistence was impertinent in the extreme, and Osgoode was never impertinent.
“Indeed?” Dylan murmured and started back down the stairs. “Your insistence makes me curious. What is it this nun has brought me?”
The butler waited until they were back down in the foyer before he answered. “It is a rather difficult thing to describe, but the nun called it a gift, sir. Although she also said it is something that has always belonged to you.”
Riddles amused him. “You intrigue me, Osgoode. Bring it at once, then.”
“Yes, sir.”
The butler turned to go toward the back of the house, and Dylan crossed the wide foyer to open the pair of doors that led into the music room. He walked to the piano and pushed back the walnut lid to reveal the ivory keys beneath. It had been so long since he had even attempted to play a piece of music. Almost hesitantly, he placed his hand on the keys and pressed half a dozen of them in slow succession. That was it, he thought, a bit stunned. That was what he had heard from her.
He did not know why, when he looked at that woman, he heard these notes, or why there was a black void after them where a melody should be. He did not know why that woman seemed to bring him the only hint of music he had heard in five years. But there was one thing he did know. This time, he was not going to let her get away.
A slight cough broke into his thoughts, but Dylan did not glance up from the musical instrument before him. “Well, what is this gift a nun has brought me, Osgoode?” he asked as he played those notes again.
The butler did not answer, and Dylan looked up to find that the servant was not there. Instead, he saw a much smaller figure standing in the doorway. It was a little girl.
He straightened from the piano, staring at the child. Though not very familiar with children, he figured her to be about eight or nine years old. She was dressed in a blue-and-green plaid dress with a white collar and stockings, and there was a woolen bundle clutched in her arms. He knew he had never seen this child before in his life, but her long braids and big, round eyes were as black as his own. Dylan let out a curse worthy of a sailor.
The girl came into the room. “I don’t think I want a father who swears.”
Father? He swore again.
The child’s black brows knitted in a dubious frown, making it clear to Dylan that he wasn’t quite up to snuff in her opinion. “Since you are rich, am I going to have my own room?”
Dylan did not reply. Instead, he stepped around the girl and out of the music room to find his butler hovering nearby. “Osgoode, come with me.”
The butler closed the doors of the music room, shutting the little girl inside, and followed his master across the foyer to the drawing room opposite. “Yes, sir?”
Dylan heard a squeaking sound, and he looked across the foyer to see that the doors to the music room were once again open. The child’s face was peering at them from around one of the doors, her small fingers curled over the wooden edge. He closed the drawing room door to shut out her curious gaze, then turned to his butler. “Who in Hades is that?” he asked, jerking one thumb over his shoulder.
“I believe her name is Isabel, sir.”
“I don’t care about her name! I want to know what she is doing here. Have you lost your sense, man, to be accepting stray children brought to my door by nuns?”
His rising voice caused Osgoode to give him an apologetic look. “Sister Agnes said Isabel was your daughter, and the child would be living here with you from now on. She spoke as if it had all been arranged in advance.”
“What? I have made no such arrangement.”
“I tried to convince the good sister of that,” Osgoode hastened to assure him, “knowing if it were true, you would have told me of Isabel’s arrival. But the sister explained she had come all the way from St. Catherine’s Orphanage in Metz to bring your daughter to you. Her ship returning her to the Continent was leaving within the hour and she had no time to wait—”
“I don’t care if she joined the British Navy and was bound for the West Indies. I have never seen this child before, nor even heard of her, and you are correct that if I had made such an arrangement, I would have told you of it. Good God, what were you thinking? Any woman could dress up as a nun, wait until I am not at home, and drop her child here for me to care for. I would not be the first gentleman in such a circumstance.”
“Isabel does look like you, sir.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“I am sorry if I have given offense,” the butler said, looking pained at the very idea, “but I did not know what else I could do. Sister Agnes refused to take the little girl away with her, nor would she wait until you returned. I could not shove such a little thing outside into the London street, could I, sir? To be at the mercy of all manner of ruffians and villains? Not your daughter.”
“She is not mine!” Dylan roared. “Did this nun provide any proof of my paternity? Any proof at all?”
Osgoode gave one of those irritating little coughs butlers always use when they are about to impart news their masters do not wish to hear. “She left a letter and asked that it be given to you.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of parchment. “I assume the proof is mentioned there.”
Dylan took the letter from the servant’s hand, broke the wax seal, and unfolded it. It was from the Mother Superior of the Order of St. Catherine, a convent and orphanage in Metz. The Reverend Mother stated that the child, Isabel, born in 1824, was the daughter of a French woman named Vivienne Moreau who had died of scarlet fever six weeks before. On her deathbed, Miss Moreau had sworn an oath to Mary, Holy Mother of God, that the father of her child was Dylan Moore, the English composer. Since the young woman was making her final confession to God, the Reverend Mother had added, she would not lie.
“Of course not,” Dylan murmured at that sly line, thinking that nuns must be starting to cultivate a sense of humor, a twisted one at that.
He continued to read. Miss Moreau had also assured the Reverend Mother that Moore was a wealthy man who would take full responsibility for his child’s upbringing and care. She had also provided enough money for passage to England so that Sister Agnes could deliver Isabel directly into his hands. That was all. There was no offered proof or connection to him whatsoever.
Dylan folded the letter and shoved it into his pocket, then turned away from Osgoode and began to pace, repeating the woman’s name in his mind.
Vivienne Moreau. The name sparked no sense of recognition. He tried to think back nine years. Two years after Cambridge, and he’d been on the Continent, touring the European capitals to perform his piano pieces and conduct his symphonies. He’d been twenty-three then, cocky with the phenomenal success of his third symphony, randy as hell, and swimming in women. These days, he always provided himself with a supply of French letters, but back then, he had been too young and careless to bother with the protection such sheaths afforded. He could have fathered a child and never known about it. He had probably fathered several.
On the other hand, he might never have known this Vivienne at all. If he had, why would the woman wait so long to claim his paternity for her daughter? It could all be the fabrication of a woman desperate to ensure her child’s future. He was famous throughout Britain and Europe. Knowing his wealth and his success—and his reputation, he was forced to admit—any woman could decide to claim him as the father of her child and demand his support.
The Reverend Mother had made no reference to a place, date, or meeting. Nor had she mentioned any objects or letters that would establish a connection. In fact, with the exception of her coloring, there was nothing to prove this child was his. Without proof and with no memory of the woman, he had no intention of taking on this obligation. He would arrange for the adoption of the girl to some family in the country, but that was all.
His decision made, Dylan started out of the drawing room. The moment Osgoode opened the door for him, Dylan discovered that the child was no longer peering around the door across the foyer. Instead, both doors to the music room were wide open, and she was seated at his immense piano, playing an unusual piece he had never heard before. The music flowed from the instrument beneath her fingers with an ease and ability far beyond her years.
Dylan walked to the music room and paused in the doorway, listening until she had played the final note. When she turned and looked at him as if waiting for his judgement on her ability, he gave it. “You play exceedingly well for a little girl.”
“I play exceedingly well for an adult,” Isabel answered, not one for false modesty. He almost wanted to smile. Impudent, this child.
“You speak excellent English,” he told her.
“You are English. Mama thought I should learn to speak it well, since you are my father.”
She fell silent, and the pause was awkward. She spoke of his paternity with absolute conviction. Unlike her, he was not so certain. Could a man ever be certain?
He glanced at the woolen bundle she had opened on the carpet and its contents—a pile of sheet music. “I do not recognize that piece you just played,” he said, “but it is unique and quite beautiful. Who composed it?”
The child looked up at him, her big, black eyes unblinking. “I did.”
For the wealthy and privileged, making a morning call meant arriving after three o’clock in the afternoon. Dylan, however, had never been a man thwarted in his objectives by something as trivial as convention, and there was a call he needed to make as soon as possible.
Leaving the pint-sized version of his own musical gifts to Osgoode because he didn’t know what else to do with her, Dylan bathed, shaved, changed into fresh linen and a morning suit of clothes—black, as his perverse fashion sense always dictated—and departed the house, leaving instructions with the butler to put the child in the suite of rooms on the third floor that had once been a nursery, and to have the cook get her something to eat.
Just past eleven, he arrived at Enderby, the estate of Lord and Lady Hammond just outside London. The viscountess was at home, he was told, though she might not be receiving just now. This last bit of information was imparted with a tactful, but pointed, glance at the grandfather clock in the foyer and a gesture toward the calling card tray, but Dylan had no intention of simply leaving his card. He said he would wait to see if she would receive him.
The servant knew the composer was a friend of Lady Hammond and her brother, the Duke of Tremore, and that they considered Dylan to be almost a member of their family. He accepted Dylan’s cloak, hat, and gloves, which he handed off to a maid before leading the other man up an immense staircase and into the drawing room.
The drawing room at Enderby was a wholly feminine affair. Its upholstery and draperies in delicate pastels of pink and celadon, its intricate white plasterwork and floral trompe l’oeil, proclaimed more loudly than any words printed in the scandal sheets that Lord Hammond was seldom in residence here, or anywhere else his wife happened to be. Viola’s estrangement from her husband was in its eighth year now, and no one even discussed it anymore. Her brother had often commented that if he had his way, Hammond’s head would be on a spike on London Bridge. Dylan had never admitted either to Anthony or Viola that he was well acquainted with the renegade viscount. Birds of a feather, and all that. They’d shared tables and consumed a great deal of brandy at many gaming hells over the past few years. Viola was a topic they had never discussed.
Dylan flung himself into a striped brocade chair and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. The whine was loud this morning, so loud that it was like a white-hot pain through his skull. Headaches were a malady to which he had long ago become accustomed. He lowered his hand and reached into the inner pocket of his jacket for the small, blue vial that he always kept with him. Pulling out the cork, he took a swallow of laudanum, then recorked the bottle and put it back in his pocket. That would help until he could get some sleep.
One day, even the opiate would no longer work, nor would the women, the brandy, the hashish, or the gaming hells. A day would come when all the reckless things he did just for the hell of it would no longer divert his attention from the unwavering noise. That was when he would go insane.
Unless the music could save him. He had not written a single new piece in five long years. To keep down the gossip, he published an old composition every once in awhile, but that was all.
If he could only compose, his life would once again have purpose. That woman, Grace, held the key, though he did not know why. He had never believed in muses before. He had never needed one before. All Dylan knew was that he had to find her. More than that, he had to keep her with him until he could write the composition she had inspired. Always ambitious, he hoped for a symphony, although a sonata or concerto was a more likely possibility. At this point, anything he could manage to write would be a miracle.
Thoughts of music brought to mind the piece played by the child, Isabel. Quick and tricky, it would have been quite difficult for most people to play. If indeed the girl had composed it, then perhaps his blood did flow in her veins.
With that thought, Dylan raked back his hair with a sigh. There was no perhaps about it. He might not remember the mother, but the child was his. Though everything in him wanted to deny it, he knew the truth. He had known it from the moment he had heard her play, from the moment he had looked into her proud, imperious black eyes as she had claimed the piece her own. He felt a wave of pity for her. With him for a father, God help her. He was no sort of man for such a role. He could barely take care of himself.
He’d send her to relatives in the country until she was old enough for school. She certainly could not live with him.
“Dylan!”
The exclamation of greeting had him rising to his feet as Lady Hammond entered the room. Viola was as feminine as her surroundings, with her small, shapely figure, creamy complexion, honey-colored hair, and delicate features. Looking as lovely as sunrise in an apricot-colored morning gown, she held out her hands to greet him as he crossed the room to her.
“It is barely eleven o’clock,” she said with a smile, followed at once by a pretty yawn. “Only from you, darling, would I accept a call at this ungodly hour.”
She accepted the kisses he pressed to each of her cheeks with all the ease of their long acquaintance, then seated herself on the white chintz settee opposite the striped chair in which Dylan had been sitting when she’d entered the room. “What brings you here?” she asked.
“My apologies for the timing of my call,” he answered, resuming his seat, “but I assure you that this is a matter of vital importance. You were one of the lady patronesses for that charity ball last evening, I believe.”
“The one for London hospitals? I did not feel very well and was unable to be there, but yes, I was one of the patronesses. Did you attend?”
The question held a hint of surprise, for charity balls were not really in keeping with Dylan’s idea of amusement. Though he did not often go to such events, he knew Viola always put him on the invitation lists because his famous name impelled any music lover or scandal-sheet reader to attend in the faint hope of meeting him, and thereby raised more money for whatever charity was involved.
“I did,” he confirmed. “A whim, I suppose. If I do not occasionally appear at one of these things, rumors start to circulate that I’ve finally come a cropper. I came to see you because I want to know who that violinist was last evening.”
“Violinist?” She laughed. “Only you, Dylan, would call at this hour to inquire about the musicians at a ball and call that important.”
“I am interested in one musician in particular. She was one of four violins, costumed as a highwayman with a mask across her eyes.”
“A woman?”
“Her name is Grace. How can I find her?”
“Heavens, I don’t know,” Viola cried in lively amusement. “What is this all about? A female violinist costumed as a highwayman. How intriguing! Did she play so beautifully that you want her for your next concert, or do you simply want her?”
An appealing idea, but he pushed it aside for the moment. “Neither,” he lied and met Viola’s laughing hazel eyes with a serious gaze of his own. “My dear friend, this is more important to me than you could possibly imagine.”
Viola knew nothing of his affliction, but something of the desperation he felt must have shown in his countenance, for her amusement faded. “I could ask Miss Tate. She would know, I daresay.”
Rising to her feet, the viscountess walked to the bellpull against the wall and gave the rope a tug. Within moments, a footman came running. “Stephens, please have Tate found at once, and send her to me.”
It was about five minutes later that Viola’s personal secretary entered the room.
The viscountess asked her to find out about the musicians from the ball the night before, and the secretary departed, returning moments later with a sheet of paper in her hand. “The octet was hired from the Musicians’ Company of the City Livery, my lady,” she said, handing the paper to Viola. “These are the names.”
Viola dismissed Miss Tate and scanned the list. “Are you certain you went to my charity ball? All the musicians there last evening were men. The four violinists were Cecil Howard, Edward Finnes, William Fraser, and James Broderick.”
“Viola, I met her. I spoke to her.” Kissed her, he added to himself, for the memory of his muse was still vivid in his mind, the soft warmth of her skin, the feel of her body in his arms, the passion that had revealed itself the moment he had touched her. “She was dressed as a man, but she was very much a woman, believe me. I must find her.”
Dylan looked at Viola, noticing the hint of concern in her expression at the vehemence of his last words. Given his deepening moodiness and increasingly volatile behavior during the past five years, he knew Viola had a tendency to worry about him far more than was necessary. “I am quite well,” he told her. “I can assure you I have no need to conjure women in my imagination.”
“Of course not!” Viola came to stand beside his chair and laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. “But I cannot help being concerned about you, about your—” She paused, trying to define what she meant.
“Eccentricities,” he supplied, “might be a tactful way of putting it.”
Her hand squeezed his shoulder. “Anthony and Daphne are worried about you as well. And Ian—”
“Ian?” Dylan laughed at the mention of his older brother as he rose to his feet. “Ian is far too busy gadding about the Continent to worry about me. He’s at some congress in Venice at the moment, a diplomatic crisis of gargantuan proportions. Good thing he was the good boy and became an ambassador. The family doesn’t need two black sheep.”
He took the list of names from Viola’s hand and put it in his pocket, then he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. “Thank you, Viscountess. I owe you a debt of gratitude.”
“But I have done so little.”
“On the contrary.” He let go of her hand and bowed, then started for the door. Though he could never explain it to her, Viola had just done more for him than she would ever know.