During the course of the Seder, we recite the Kiddush, which is the blessing over the wine, four times. This is because during the Seder, we drink four cups of wine. This is because the Seder is so damn long that the only way to get through it is, as the ancient Hebrews always said, “
” (as drunk as a gentile on payday).
The blessing over wine, “Blessed art thou our Lord our G-d, ruler of the universe, who creates the fruit of the vine,” praises the Lord, who finished the work of creation on the sixth day, so he rested and drank a lot of wine on the seventh day, which became another topic of lively debate among the rabbis at the historical “Cups of Wine Conclave” in Jerusalem, 1949.
“G-d’s name is Art Thou?” asked Rabbi Menachim Fredo.
“What the hell are you talking about?” the other rabbis asked in unison.
(It should be noted that this might very well be the first time that the word hell was ever spoken by a group of rabbis in unison.)
“Well, we are blessing Art Thou our Lord our G-d, are we not?”
“We are doing nothing of the sort! If there were a comma after Art Thou it might be a different story!” yelled one disgusted rabbi.
“But as it is,” they all exclaimed in unison, “you, Rabbi Menachim Fredo, have once again proved that you are not the brightest candle in the menorah on the eighth night of Chanukah, the Festival of Lights, when all of the candles are lit and displayed proudly in our windows or on the lawns in front of our houses of worship”—which was most definitely the first time a sentence that long was spoken in unison by a group of rabbis.
The rabbis were so depressed from having to waste their time dignifying the staggeringly moronic utterances of Rabbi Menachim Fredo that they voted unanimously to end their conclave and revisit the meanings of cups two through four at a future time with every hope that Fredo by then would have either passed away or converted to another religion.