(Lift wine cups, or, if this is a Cinco de Mayo–themed Seder, tequila bottles.)
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha’olam borei p’ri hagafen.
* * *
Translation: We praise you, Adonai our G-d, ruler of the universe, commander of the cosmos, capo di tutti capi, Lord of the Rings, queen of the prom who creates the fruit of the vine and all the varietals thereof, including (but not limited to) your merlots, your cabernet sauvignons, your zinfandels, and, for the dessert course, your sauternes; and who, more importantly, created fermentation, without which we would never get through the entire Seder without stabbing ourselves in the eyeball with a fork.
(Drink the wine.)