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An hour and a half. The flight team from Seattle is going to be here in an hour and a half.
Assuming Natalie makes it that long.
Pneumonia. That’s what Dr. Bell’s thinking. That or RSV, the baby-killing virus. But that doesn’t make sense, because Natalie’s been getting shots against it every month since she was born.
So it’s pneumonia? Or maybe something else. Dr. Bell wanted to get an X-ray done at County, but the flight team told her to hold off until they reached Seattle. Something about their equipment being more accurate.
So it’s back to the city for us. Aren’t we lucky? It’s like we won the prize at the Christmas bazaar. Oh, and did I tell you the other good news? Jake hasn’t shown up yet. Natalie and I arrived at the ER almost an hour ago, and he still hasn’t come. Hasn’t called either.
I’m so angry I didn’t even text to demand what’s going on.
If he wants this to be goodbye, I’m not about to get down on my knees and beg him to stay. What is it they say in that Home Alone movie? Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. He and Patricia can spend the holiday together in that stupid trailer. It would serve both of them right. They were made for each other. I’ll ask Jake to mail me my things at the Ronald McDonald house.
Never look back, right? Might as well tattoo it onto my forehead.
“How are you doing?” Dr. Bell pokes her head into my room.
I fold my hands inside the pocket of my hoodie. “Better now that she’s getting the extra oxygen.”
“No, I mean how are you?”
I sometimes wish Dr. Bell weren’t so kind to me. It makes me feel that much guiltier knowing what I’ve done to my daughter. Knowing what she’d think of me if I told her the truth.
I shrug and try to cough up a little bit of a laugh. “Not bad. I’m getting sort of used to this.” I’m about to make a stupid joke about the medevac company giving out frequent flyer points, but the words stick in my throat.
Dr. Bell tells me to call if I need anything, and she slips out of the room gracefully. I glance down at her feet, half expecting to see pink ballet slippers.
I’m a mess. The only reason I haven’t completely fallen apart is because I need to function to make that medevac flight with my daughter.
I should call Sandy. I really should. I haven’t posted anything online yet. I’m too tired to bring the phone out of my pocket. Too exhausted from wondering when Jake will show up, wondering why he hasn’t called yet.
Deep inside, I already know. He’s not ready for the responsibilities of having a daughter. Especially not one as fragile as Natalie. Heck, I’m not even ready for this, but I don’t have any choice. So here I am. Maybe I shouldn’t be too hard on Jake. If I could have left by now, don’t you think I would?
At least we had a good evening together. One good evening out of our whole whirlwind marriage. I just wish Washington had more lenient annulment laws. I looked into it a month or two ago. Since neither of us were drunk or anything like that when we signed the papers, we’d have to go through an actual divorce. No quick and easy dissolution like you’d find in some states.
I shouldn’t have ever left Massachusetts. What do Natalie and I have out here?
Each other. That’s it.
I just hope to God it’s enough.