Too often we base our value on how someone is treating us, how successful we are, how perfect a life we’ve lived. The problem is that all those things can change. If you’re trying to get your value from how people treat you, then if they hurt or disappoint you, you’re going to feel devalued. If you’re basing your value upon your achievements—how much money you make, what type of car you drive, the title behind your name—then if something happens and you don’t have that position or your business goes down, your sense of value will go down.
Some people don’t feel good about themselves because they’ve made mistakes in life. They’re not where they thought they would be. Now they’re living with insecurities, feeling inferior. They’re basing their value on their performance, but here’s the key: Your value should be based solely on the fact that you are a child of the Most High God. The Creator of the universe breathed His life into you. How someone treats you doesn’t change your value. What they say about you or do to you doesn’t lessen who you are. Mistakes you’ve made don’t decrease your value. That’s what you did; that’s not who you are. You can buy a bigger house, drive a more luxurious car, and get the big promotion you’ve worked so hard for, but that doesn’t make you more valuable. That increases your net worth, not your self-worth. You were just as valuable when you had the small apartment and no title behind your name. That position may give you more influence, but not more value. If you’re a stay-at-home mom raising your children, you might not have the influence of a CEO, but you have the same value.
Value is not based on what you do, what your income is, or who you know. Those are all superficial. Those things can change. Next level thinking says that your value comes from your Creator. God breathed His life into you. You have the DNA of Almighty God. You have royalty in your blood, but the enemy works overtime trying to devalue you. He’d love for you to go through life letting what people say about you make you feel inferior, comparing your life to other people’s lives and thinking you’ll feel good about yourself as soon as you catch up to them. Perhaps when you live in that more affluent neighborhood, when you perform perfectly, when you break the addiction, then you’ll feel valuable.
But nothing you ever do, nothing you ever achieve, and nothing you ever overcome will make you any more valuable. You are valuable right now. God calls you a masterpiece. You are one of a kind. You didn’t come off an assembly line. You weren’t mass-produced. God made you unique. There will never be another you. Put your shoulders back. Start carrying yourself with confidence. You have been fearfully and wonderfully made.
In Luke 4, Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, where He was tempted by the enemy three times. He’d been out there for forty days and hadn’t eaten anything. The enemy said to Jesus, “If You are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” He was trying to get Jesus to base His value on His performance. The enemy was saying, “If You turn this stone into bread, You can prove You’re the Son of God, and then You can feel good about Yourself. You performed a miracle.” Jesus refused to do it. He said, “Man doesn’t live by bread alone.” He was saying, in effect, “I don’t have to do anything to prove Who I am. I don’t have to perform to feel good about Myself. I know Who I am.”
The enemy couldn’t deceive Jesus into basing His value upon His performance, so in the second temptation he tried to go with a possession-based value. He took Jesus to a high place and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. The enemy said, “You can have it all, if You’ll just bow down and worship me.” Jesus answered him, “No, thanks. I don’t need possessions to prove My worth and value. I don’t have to have what you think is important to feel good about Who I am.”
Possession-based value didn’t work with Jesus, nor did performance-based value, so the enemy tried one final temptation: a popularity-based value. He took Jesus to the highest point of the temple. It was very crowded below with all kinds of people. He said, “If You are the Son of God, jump off this building. You said Your angels would protect You from any harm.” He was trying to get Jesus to show off. Everybody in the temple area would see Him floating to the ground and be amazed. He’d gain instant popularity. Jesus answered the enemy again, “I don’t need possessions. I don’t need performance. I don’t need popularity to feel valuable. I know Who I am. I’m the Son of the living God.”
The enemy tried to deceive Jesus into proving Who He was. Many people live in a proving mode. They can’t feel good about themselves unless they prove to people that they are important, prove to their coworkers that they are talented, and prove to their critics that they really are okay. There is a constant struggle going on in their lives. They are always having to outdo, outperform, outdrive, and outdress somebody else. It’s very freeing when you realize you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You don’t have to impress people. It takes the pressure off, because it takes a lot of energy to constantly compete, to prove, to impress. If you live in a proving mode, it’s as though you’re running on a treadmill that never stops. As soon as you prove to one person that you’re okay, you’ll see somebody else you need to impress. It’s a never-ending cycle. You have to get off that treadmill. You’re working hard but going nowhere. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
Today there’s so much emphasis on name brands. We’re wearing so-and-so designer shoes and so-and-so sunglasses, carrying a so-and-so purse, driving a so-and-so car, and talking on a so-and-so phone. If you’re really cool, you have on so-and-so underwear. Sometimes we have so many other names on us that we don’t know our own name. We’re counting on all the name brands, all the outside labels, to make us feel important. Can I tell you that your name is more important than all those names combined? No disrespect to them, but the difference between you and a name brand is that God breathed His life into you. You’re a son, you’re a daughter, of the Most High God. There’s nothing wrong with owning it, driving it, or wearing it, but don’t let that be the reason that you feel good about who you are, because what’s hot today, what’s the latest and greatest, in a few years will be outdated.
If you live with possession-based values, you have to run from name to name, position to position, and friend to friend. That’s going to wear you out. Why don’t you relax? You can’t get any more valuable than you already are at this very moment. You can buy more clothes, add titles to your résumé, and get more friends, but that doesn’t change your value. Whether you’re wearing Gucci or Goodwill, whether it’s Calvin Klein or Fruit of the Loom, your value never changes.
I went to the sporting goods store the other day to buy some new T-shirts to work out in, and there were probably ten racks of T-shirts alone. Practically every shirt had a manufacturer’s name on the front in big bold letters. I thought to myself, You want me to buy your T-shirt and then walk around as a billboard for you. No offense, but I don’t want to wear your name. I like my own name. Do you need somebody else’s name to make you feel good about yourself? Are you trying to prove your worth, your value, by who you know, what you wear, or what you drive? Or can you say, as Jesus did, “I don’t have to have popularity, possessions, or performance to feel good about myself. I am secure in who I am”?
When Jesus was riding into Jerusalem on a young donkey to celebrate the Passover feast, a large crowd of people laid down palm branches as He passed by. They celebrated His arrival, shouting, “Hosanna! Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!” From the youngest to the oldest, they waved and cheered. They were so excited to see Him. He received a hero’s welcome. But a few days later, those same people, instead of shouting, “Hosanna!” were shouting, “Crucify Him! We don’t want Him here!” When Jesus went to trial and needed His closest friends to support Him, most of His disciples, the ones He had poured His life into, weren’t anywhere around. When He asked them to stay up and pray, they were too tired. They fell asleep.
If you base your value on people’s support, how much they approve you and encourage you, then if for some reason they stop doing that, you’ll feel devalued. As long as they’re telling you, “You’re great,” you’ll feel great. The problem is, if they change their minds and stop telling you that, you’re not going to feel great. You can’t base your value on what people give or don’t give you. People are often unreliable. One day, they’ll say, “You’re beautiful,” and the next, “I don’t care for you.” “Hosanna!” on Palm Sunday, and “Crucify Him!” on Good Friday.
If you don’t know who you are without other people, then if they leave, you’ll be lost. They’ll take you with them, because your identity was caught up in who they made you to be. Then you’ll have to try to find somebody else to tell you who you are. But you don’t need other people to tell you who you are. People will let you down. People will get jealous. People have their own issues. Let your heavenly Father tell you who you are. Get your value, your self-worth, your approval from Him. He says you’re a masterpiece. He says you’re one of a kind, a prized possession.
Somebody may have told you the opposite. “You’re not talented.” “You’re not attractive.” “You don’t have a good personality.” Let that go in one ear and out the other. They don’t determine your value. What they say or do to you doesn’t make you any less a masterpiece. Quit letting how people treat you make you feel inferior. They don’t control your destiny. They didn’t breathe life into you. They didn’t call you. They didn’t anoint you. They didn’t approve you. Your value came from your Creator, from the God Who spoke worlds into existence. The good news is they can’t change your value, and you can’t change it either. God put it in you before you showed up. You don’t need their approval. You don’t need their encouragement. They don’t have to validate you. It’s good when they do; it feels good. But if you’re depending on it to make you feel secure, then if they don’t do it, you’re going to feel inferior. Don’t give away your power. Don’t put your identity, your value, into somebody else’s hands.
Even good people who love you very much can’t give you everything you need. They cannot keep you approved, validated, and feeling secure. You have to go to your heavenly Father. Sometimes we’re putting pressure on people to keep us fixed, to keep us feeling validated. Let them off the hook. They’re not your Savior. You already have a Savior. He’s on the throne. Go to Him and not to people. The problem with trying to get this from other people is they have their own issues. Other people are dealing with insecurities, fears, hurts, wounds, prejudices, and dysfunctions. They don’t know any better. That’s normal to them. Messed-up people can mess you up. That’s not profound, but it’s true. If you base your value on what they’re giving you, you can end up dysfunctional.
I talked with a lady recently who had a very bad childhood that was filled with neglect and abuse. She had just gone through her second divorce, with her ex-husband telling her over and over that she didn’t deserve to be loved. I could tell she had come to believe it because she was down on herself, with no expression on her face. I told her what I’m telling you: “Don’t let messed-up people ruin the rest of your life.” If somebody hurts you, there’s a tendency to internalize it and think, There is something wrong with me. If I were more attractive, he wouldn’t have left. If I were smarter, I wouldn’t have had a bad childhood. No, it has nothing to do with you. How they are treating you flows from their own hurts, their own wounds. Hurting people end up hurting other people. Don’t let what they say about you define who you are. Don’t let what you didn’t get from them make you feel as though you’re to blame. They said you don’t deserve to be loved. That’s a lie. They said you’re not attractive. Another lie. But if you base your value on these lies, you won’t have any self-worth. Studies have shown that children who went through neglect and abuse in their childhood very often take the blame on themselves. They think there’s something wrong with them. This lady did the same thing well into her adulthood. She didn’t think she deserved to be loved. That’s the enemy trying to steal your sense of value. If somebody did you wrong, rather than internalize it, as she did, have you ever thought that they hurt you because they were messed up? Maybe they felt so badly about themselves, so unlovable, that they tried to project it onto you.
I know a young man who never felt like he fit in. Growing up, there was very little love in his home. He never felt approved or celebrated. It was as though he was a burden. When he was in his early teens, he found out that his parents had always wanted a girl. They had been disappointed when he was born. Now he’s in his twenties, walking around with his head down and feeling insecure and unworthy. I told him, “Your parents may have wanted a girl, but the Creator of the universe wanted a boy. God doesn’t make mistakes. You’re not an accident. He handpicked you. He chose you before you could choose Him. Your parents might not have known any better, but don’t let their lack of approval keep you from your destiny. You didn’t come from your mother. You came through your mother. You came from Almighty God.” I began to tell him how he was a masterpiece, called, chosen, equipped, one of a kind, with seeds of greatness. Nobody had ever spoken faith over his life. He lifted his head and put his shoulders back. I could see a smile starting to form.
When you base your value on what other people say or do to you, that’s going to push you down. But when you base it on what God says about you, it’s going to lift you up to the next level. You’re going to have a smile on your face, a spring in your step. You’re not going to be put off by what you didn’t get or by who’s not supporting you. As it was with this young man, maybe nobody ever told you what God says about you. God says you’re amazing. He says He’s proud of you. He says you’re the apple of His eye. People may not be celebrating you, but you need to know that God celebrates you. I’ve heard it said that if God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it. If He had a computer, your photo would be on the screen saver. The Scripture says that God has your name engraved on the palms of His hands. He’s always thinking about you.
You may feel as though you never received the approval from your parents or your family. Even now, they don’t celebrate you. They don’t affirm you. But the truth is, it’s not about you. It’s about their own issues, their own insecurities. Don’t spend your life trying to get something from them that they cannot give. I know people who work eighty hours a week trying to prove to their parents that they’re successful, trying to prove to their family that they’re good enough. You have to let it go or you’ll be frustrated. Turn to your heavenly Father. Receive your approval from Him. He’s smiling down on you. He loves you just the way He made you. You don’t have to have other people’s approval to be happy. God approves you. He’s the only One Who really matters.
In the Scripture, as I mentioned in Chapter Four, David didn’t have his father’s approval or the approval of his seven brothers. When the prophet Samuel came to their home in Bethlehem to anoint one of Jesse’s sons to be the next king, David was the only son whom his father left out as a candidate. For some reason Jesse saw David as being inferior to his other sons. Perhaps he thought David was not as talented as the others, not as tall and strong and experienced. Sometimes the people closest to you can’t see the greatness in you. Jesse didn’t see a king in David. He didn’t see a giant killer or a strategic leader. He saw a young man who had little to offer. Jesse dismissed him, didn’t pay much attention to him, and later David’s oldest brother, Eliab, treated David in a similar manner when David was about to fight Goliath. The people who should have supported him the most tried to make him feel inferior.
Your own family may discount you. The people closest to you may not acknowledge your gifts and may leave you out, but don’t take it personally. Just keep being your best, receiving your approval from your heavenly Father. David was left out, and it wasn’t fair. But when Samuel looked at Jesse’s other seven sons, he said, “The Lord has not chosen any of these, Jesse. Do you have any more sons?” People may leave you out, but God doesn’t leave you out. If David had had to have his family’s approval, he would never have taken the throne.
Quit trying to make people be for you who are never going to be for you. Quit feeling inferior because somebody close to you is not celebrating you. If you needed their approval, you would get it. If you’re not getting it, that means you don’t need it to become who you were created to be. Yes, it may be hurtful, but it is not going to keep you from your destiny. Sometimes it’s God teaching us to go to Him and not to people. We rely too much on what people think about us, on who seems to believe in us, and think too much about why they are not supporting us. David’s brothers made fun of him. His father discounted him. He was stuck out in the shepherds’ fields. But instead of complaining and feeling inferior, he turned to God. David is the one who wrote in Psalm 27: “If my mother and father forsake me, God will adopt me as His own child.”
Many of us had great parents who did their best, but we all have some people in our lives who are not giving us their approval. They don’t acknowledge our gifts. They don’t see what we have to offer. Don’t live frustrated, thinking there is something wrong with you, trying to prove to them who you are, trying to convince them to affirm you. Let it go. There’s nothing wrong with you. If you had to have their approval, they would give it. Since you don’t, shake it off. Keep your head held high, knowing that your heavenly Father has approved you, accepted you, and anointed you. Your value doesn’t come from people. It comes from your Creator.
A while back I was out of town, at one of our events, and a man came up and handed me a small box and said that he so appreciated our ministry that he wanted to give it as a gift. I opened it, and there was a beautiful watch. It wasn’t super fancy, but it was attractive and sporty, and, of course, I thanked him and was very grateful. I brought it back and put it in my desk drawer for safekeeping until I could turn it over to the person who handles ministry gifts. A couple of months later, I opened the drawer to get something out, and there was the watch. I had forgotten about it. I looked it over again and thought it probably cost a couple hundred dollars, then I decided to google it. When I did, I nearly passed out. The exact watch came up and was worth over $10,000! It came from a very famous, prestigious watchmaker. Because of the manufacturer, this watch was extremely valuable. You could put it side by side with a lot of other watches I’ve seen that cost several hundred dollars, and you wouldn’t see much difference. It looked average, ordinary. But the other manufacturers had copied it. Their watches are knockoffs. On the surface, this watch seemed the same, but what gave it a higher value was who made it.
Sometimes we don’t realize who we are. You may feel average, ordinary, as though nothing stands out, but because of your Maker, there’s something about you that makes you extremely valuable. You’re not a copy. You’re not a knockoff. You’re an original. The Creator of the universe is your manufacturer. You can’t get any more prestigious than that. But if you don’t know who you are, like I didn’t know the watch’s maker, you’ll discount yourself, thinking, Oh, man, I’m just ordinary. I have nothing much to offer. There’s nothing special about me. You need to google your manufacturer. You have the fingerprints of God all over you. Psalm 139 says, “God, I praise You because You have made me in an amazing way. What You have done is wonderful.”
If you’re going to recognize your value, you have to see yourself as amazing, as wonderful. It’s not because of who you are, but because of Who made you. Life will try to make you feel as though you’re anything but amazing. Disappointments, betrayals, and rejection will try to steal your sense of value. But all through the day, despite what your thoughts are telling you, despite who left you out or said something negative about you, you need to remind yourself, “I am amazing. I am a masterpiece. I have been wonderfully made.” Don’t discount what God has created. Don’t go around feeling ordinary, when in fact you’re extraordinary. People may try to make you feel average, as David’s father and brothers did to him. They’ll tell you that you don’t have much to offer. Are you going to believe what people say about you or believe what God says about you and move up to the next level? God says, “You’re amazing!” Have you ever said that to yourself? It has to start on the inside.
I read that the football jersey Tom Brady wore during Super Bowl LI is worth $500,000. I can go online and buy that same jersey for $49. What’s the difference? Who it belongs to. Same jersey, same size, same color, but only one belongs to Tom Brady. That makes it extremely valuable. The Scripture says you belong to God. You may feel average and think you look ordinary and that there’s nothing special about you. But because of Who you belong to, that makes you extremely valuable. My challenge is, don’t let people discount you. Don’t let your own thoughts push you down. Put your shoulders back. You belong to God. You don’t have to prove anything. You don’t have to try to impress people. Just be who you are. Be amazing. If you do this, I believe and declare every chain that’s held you back is being broken. You’re going to live free, confidently, and securely, knowing you are valuable. You will become the masterpiece that God created you to be.