7

I push the end of my snowboard into the soft powder and bend over as I try to catch my breath. I glance back up the hill and see Spencer less than ten feet in front of me—he has a smile on his face.

“You don’t have to wait for me,” I say.

“I don’t mind.”

“It’s just so hard to breathe… it’s crazy.”

“Yeah… L.A. is at sea level and we’re at about eight thousand feet here.”

All I know is it’s making it incredibly hard to walk… especially uphill in full snowboard gear and carrying my board.

“Isn’t there a faster way to get up the mountain?”

Spencer smiles and shakes his head. I pull my snowboard out of the snow and start hiking toward him.

“Yes… there are lifts… but this is the bunny slope.”

“Bunny slope?”

“Yeah… it’s where all the kids go to learn.”

I frown and stop again. I look around and notice for the first time that we’re surrounded by small children and their parents. The difficulty of walking in all this stuff, plus the weight of the snowboard, had apparently distracted me enough that I hadn’t even noticed.

“Is… is it OK that we’re here?” I say.

“Yes… it’s absolutely fine. You need to be on a small slope so that when you fall you won’t go flying down the mountain… and it won’t hurt so much.”

“When?”

“You’re going to fall… a lot… and it’s going to hurt.”

I kind of wish he would have mentioned this before he spent all that money of my gear. I have no interest in spending my day face down in the snow. Sigh. I guess if I think about it… I’m not sure what I expected.

Five minutes later, and two more stops to catch my breath, we make it to the top of what now looks like a pitifully small hill. It looked fairly formidable when I was standing at the bottom. I watch as two small girls who barely come up to my waist head down the hill on tiny sets of skis as if they were born to do it. I feel a little silly being surrounded by a bunch of kids that already seem so comfortable on the snow… but I guess there's nothing I can really do about it.

“You ready?” Spencer says.

“I guess?”

“The first thing to do is sit down.”

We both plop down on the snow and I can feel my butt getting cold within seconds. Spencer slams the edge of his snowboard into the snow and moves over until he's at my feet.

“So, basically you just need to strap yourself in once you reach the top of the mountain. When we take the chairlift you have to have your front foot strapped in still and you… never mind… let’s get you down this hill a few times first and then we can talk about it.”

He must have seen my eyes glazing over as he started trying to explain getting off the chair lift. Spencer is right… I'm not thinking about anything other than getting down this hill and figuring out how not to fall constantly.

I watch and try to keep track of Spencer's hands as he quickly straps my boots into the bindings. It looks simple enough, but I'm sure it'll be difficult enough when I have to do it myself while wearing gloves.

“Let me just get my board on and then I'll help you up.”

Spencer grabs his board, quickly straps himself in and hops up so that he’s facing uphill. He drops to his knees in front of me and smiles. It’s clear he snowboarded growing up.

“Ready?” he says.

I nod and take a deep breath. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be… might as well give it a shot now.

“I’m going to stand up… just keep your weight on your heels enough so that you don’t tip over backward.”

He takes my hands in his and he stands up, pulling me to my feet at the same time. The only thing that keeps me from falling on my butt is Spencer.

“You OK?”

“Yeah,” I say, “I think so.”

“Good. I’m going to slowly slide down the hill… I just want you to try and stay balanced. If at any point you feel like you’re going to fall forward… just let go of me and throw all your weight back. It’s going to be a lot less painful than landing on top of me and both of us tumbling down the hill.”

I nod and he starts. We slide a few feet down the hill, Spencer going backward and me watching in horror. I have no control over what’s happening, but I have a sick feeling in my stomach that it’s all about to go horribly wrong.

We travel another five feet down the hill and my worry is validated. I feel myself leaning forward… and I do exactly what Spencer said and lean back. Spencer leans forward and tries to make my impact with the snow as gentle as possible, but it still hurts when my butt hits the hard snow. I always thought snow was soft… maybe some snow is, but this stuff is plenty hard.

“Ugh.”

“Sorry,” he says, “I know it hurts, but… it’s part of learning how to stay balanced on a snowboard.”

I’m well aware that he’s right... I had just hoped it would be a little less painful. Who would’ve thought falling down on something as soft as snow could hurt so much?

“You ready?”

Spencer holds his hands out to me and I nod. I’m not ready… I just want to sit here for the rest of the day… at least then only my pride would be hurt, but I want to show Spencer I’m capable of doing anything.

I reach for his hands and Spencer pulls me back to my feet. Here we go.

---

He does his best to help me onto the couch. Everything hurts. Pain radiates through my whole body. I guess I should be glad I wasn’t badly hurt—just battered and bruised, but I still feel like crap.

“You all right?”

“Yeah… I guess so.”

“Wait here,” Spencer says, “I’m going to make us some hot chocolate.”

I force myself to smile as he walks out of the living room and toward the kitchen. The smile fades from my face and I close my eyes. I try to take a deep breath… the pain in my back and chest makes in unbearable. I’m not sure I can take a few more days of this.

My eyes pop open as a faint ringing reaches my ears. I left my phone here today… I figured there was no point in taking it in case I fell. I’m certainly glad because I’m sure something would have happened considering how my day went.

I hear the ringing again. I’m not even sure it’s mine… it could be Spencer’s and if it’s mine I don’t really care—whoever is calling can leave a message and I’ll call them back tomorrow. In this moment I can’t do anything more than keep myself propped up on the couch.

Spencer walks back into the room with a cup in each hand. He sits down on the couch next to me, taking care to not bump into me, and waits for me to take the mug from him.

“Was that your phone?” he says.

“I don’t know… it wasn’t yours?”

“No… I don’t think so. I turned my phone off and left it in the bedroom this morning and I haven’t gone to get it yet.”

I nod and take a small sip of the bone-warming drink. I take another quick sip before sitting back. Spencer takes the mug from me and sets it down on the coffee table. He places his next to mine and stands up from the couch.

“Where are you going?”

“To get your phone. Did you leave it in the bedroom?”

“I think it’s in my purse… but I’m not sure.”

I watch as Spencer walks out of the living room and toward the bedroom. It’s really sweet that he’s taking care of me. He’s acting almost as if he’s personally responsible for how roughed up I got today. He practically carried me to the car and went back for our snowboards.

Spencer walks back into the living room with my purse in his hand and he sits back down next to me.

“Here,” he says, setting it down next to me, “I didn’t want to be presumptuous and go into your purse to get your phone.”

I smile at him and pull the zipper back. He’s so sweet. I honestly wouldn’t care at all if he looked through my things—I have nothing to hide, but it’s still really cute that he was thinking about it.

“Thanks… for getting it for me.”

“Of course. If you need anything… just ask.”

“I will.”

I pull my phone out and swipe my finger across the screen to unlock it. My eyes grow wide when I see the eleven missed calls… all from Dex. Something must have happened… he wouldn’t call me over and over if it wasn’t important.

“Dex… he called… eleven times today.”

“Huh… did he leave a message?”

“No… it’s kind of weird. I hope everything is OK.”

I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is horribly wrong, but I can’t bring myself to tell Spencer that. I feel like that would somehow make it real. A million thoughts fly through my mind as I think about all the horrible things that could have possibly happened. I really hope nothing happened to Dex… I’m not even sure what I would do if….

“You should call him,” Spencer says.

I nod and try to rid myself of bad thoughts as I pull up Dex’s number and hit call. It rings three times and I’m preparing myself for his phone to roll over to voice mail when he finally picks up.

“Amy?”

I can tell just by the tone of his voice that something is wrong.

“Dex… what’s wrong?”

“It’s… you need to call your mom.”

“What?”

That wasn’t at all what I was expecting Dex to say.

“It’s not my place to say… you need to call her and talk to her.”

I swallow and look over at Spencer. He has a worried look on his face. I turn away and refocus myself on the conversation with Dex. I guess she called him and demanded to speak to me… or something… and it’s got him so rattled that he sounds worried.

“I really have nothing to say to her. Can’t you just tell me what she said?”

Silence from the other end of the line. I really can’t imagine what she could have possibly said to him that would’ve freaked him out so much, but I’m glad I wasn’t witness to it.

“Amy… call her… now.”

I’m a little taken aback by the firm tone of his voice, but before I can retort he hangs up the phone. I turn to Spencer and frown as I lower my phone.

“What’s wrong?” he says.

“I… I’m not really sure. Dex wants me to call my mom… like right now, but he won’t tell me why.”

Spencer takes a deep breath and nods. I can tell he’s about to agree with Dex… and wants me to call my mom.

“Well… that’s a decision you’re going to have to make for yourself.”

I’m actually a little surprised by Spencer… although that’s pretty much who he is—always doing or saying the unexpected. It’s what makes him different from everyone else… and it’s one of the things I really love about him.

I really don’t want to call my mom. What I said to Dex was the truth… I have nothing to say to her—not after how she treated both Dex and me. As far as I’m concerned if I never see her again it’ll be too soon. At the same time there was a thought deep in the recesses of my mind telling me to call her.

“Ugh… I don’t want to talk to her… but maybe Dex is right… maybe something is wrong and I should call her, just this once.”

Spencer shrugs and smiles at me.

“Like I said… I think it’s a decision only you can make.”

I swallow and look down at my phone. I don’t want to call her… but I feel like I should. I slowly enter my old home phone number and stop as my finger hovers over call. Am I doing the right thing? I press my finger down and lift the phone to my ear as it starts to ring.

Two rings in I’m starting to wonder if she’s not going to answer. Just after the third ring she picks up.

“Hello?” she says, her voice weak.

“Mom?”

“Oh… hi, Amy.”

She sounds flat… like something is really wrong. I have a feeling she isn’t going to tell me what it is unless I ask… and even then she might not be ready to tell me what’s really going on with her.

“Mom… what’s wrong? Why did you call Dex?”

“I… it’s nothing.”

“It has to be something… Dex called me in a panic and he said I needed to call you.”

The only sound coming from the other end of the phone is her uneven and shallow breaths.

“It… it’s not something I want to bother you with, Amy.”

I sigh. I can tell she really wants to tell me… but she wants me to push her and ask what it is. It’s something she’s done since I was little and she will always do.

“Mom… just tell me.”

Silence again… this time even longer.

“I’m… sick.”

I frown and shift my phone to the other ear. I glance up at Spencer, but he is looking down at his phone.

“What do you mean?” I say.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Spencer put his phone down and turn his attention to my conversation with my mom. I quickly glance at him, but look away when I see the worried look on his face.

“It’s cancer….”

I’m numb. I’m not even sure if she’s saying anything else because I’m in such a state of shock that I feel like my whole world has faded away and I’m standing in the darkness all by myself.

“Amy?”

Her saying my name finally pulls me back to reality.

“Yeah?” I say, my voice cracking.

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Cancer….”