But then: a Christmas miracle. Cam smiled.
“Wow,” he said again. “I know how hard that must have been for you.”
“Huh?” I said. “You mean being apart from you?”
He chuckled. “No,” he said. “Well, okay, maybe that too. But I was talking about how tough that must have been just now—you coming out like that and admitting your mistakes. And your fears about the future. And your lack of control.”
Okay. So maybe he did know me pretty well.
“Um, yeah. Kind of. Maybe,” I admitted, realizing it was true. All this time I’d been using his own honesty as an excuse not to tell him the truth. And that really had been part of it. But maybe another part had been not wanting to admit I was wrong. I’d been a straight-A student for a long time. I wasn’t used to making many big mistakes.
He gazed at me, still smiling. “A lot of people probably don’t realize how cautious you can be about some things, Lexi,” he said. “You’re so direct, it’s easy to assume you never have any doubts or fears about anything. But I’ve seen the way you can sort of hide behind that directness, you know?”
I didn’t, actually. At least not until he said it. But again, I realized he was right. Maybe sometimes I did just plow ahead when I might be better off admitting I didn’t know what the heck I was doing. I would have to think more about that later.
“I didn’t want you to know what I’d done,” I told him, not ready to let myself off the hook just yet. “I figured you’d be shocked and horrified by how I’d been so manipulative and dishonest and stuff.”
“Horrified, maybe.” He winked. “But actually, now that I’m clued in, I can’t say I’m really all that surprised. Science geek or not, nobody can say you’re not creative!”
I laughed a little, finally starting to relax as I realized he really wasn’t going to hold this against me. But then my nervousness returned as I realized we were still dancing around the main point.
“So,” I said, calling up that directness he’d just been talking about. “I guess I’m asking you to make a choice here, huh?” I swallowed hard, trying not to picture Miss Sexy Elf waiting for him back in the other room. “Me or Jaylene.”
He glanced down at the floor for a moment. Lifting one hand, he ran it over his face and up through his hair, dislodging the little soldier’s cap from his Nutcracker costume. I felt queasy. This was it—after he answered, I would know my fate for sure. If he chose Jaylene, I only hoped he’d let me down easy. . . .
Then he looked up again and met my eye. “Don’t be an idiot,” he said, his voice suddenly hoarse and low. “That’s no choice at all, Lexi. It’s you. It’s always been you and only you for me.”
I gasped, relief flooding through me so violently that my knees wobbled and I was afraid I might have to sit down. “Really?”
“Of course. These past few weeks have driven that home more than ever.” He blew out a loud sigh. “It was killing me to think things might really be over between us. The only reason I went along with the whole Jaylene thing in the first place is because she was so totally different from you in every way. I thought maybe that would distract me a little once I got to be pretty sure you were pulling away.” He smiled rather wanly. “See? I can pick up a hint. And I knew if you’d decided you didn’t want to be with me anymore, there was no point trying to change your mind.”
“That sounds just like what Nick and Allie keep telling me,” I murmured. “Am I really that stubborn?”
“Let’s just call it determined. Anyway, I figured it was better to let you go with some dignity if you’d made up your mind. That way I figured at least maybe we could still be friends.”
“Yeah. I always definitely wanted us to stay friends too. I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life.” I gazed at him thoughtfully. “But listen, Cam, if you really thought I was making a mistake or treating you unfairly or whatever, you should have said something. It may seem like I want to make all the decisions all the time, but I don’t. Especially not if it means you might be unhappy.”
He bit his lip. “I hear you. Guess maybe I need to stand up for myself a little more from now on?”
“Yeah.” I smiled at him. Okay, so maybe we both had a few things to work on. But it was worth it if it meant being together.
That reminded me . . .
“Oh,” I said. “Um, so who’s going to break it to Jaylene?”
“I don’t know.” Cam sounded dubious. “I mean, she has those long fingernails, and I’m pretty sure her dad owns a shotgun. . . .” Seeing the startled look on my face, he laughed. “Kidding! I’ll take care of it. As long as you promise never to put us through anything like this again.”
I quickly crossed my heart with one finger. “That’s a promise I’m happy to make.” My heart leaped with something—tidings of comfort and joy, maybe?—and I was itching to grab him and kiss him just to make it all official. But I had a feeling he wouldn’t be comfortable with that quite yet. Not until he’d settled things with Jaylene. He was that kind of guy, after all.
“Be right back,” he promised.
“I’ll be waiting.”
He hurried off. As soon as he was gone, I dug into the waistband of my reindeer butt and fished my cell phone out of the pocket of the pants I was wearing underneath. I was bursting with my good news and couldn’t wait to share it, but I also wasn’t ready to go out there and risk running into Jaylene at the moment. So I quickly sent a text message to Allie’s phone.
She texted back within seconds. Her message was so full of exclamation points that I could hardly decipher it. I guessed that meant she was happy for me.
It was only a few minutes before Cam returned. “Well?” I demanded.
“She took it pretty well, actually. Guess that means I wasn’t the man of her dreams after all.” He smiled wryly. “In fact, she’s already comforting herself by dirty dancing with Bruce.”
Easy come, easy go. That seemed to be how Jaylene viewed her love life. Then again, maybe there was something to Allie’s Dozen Dates Theory after all. . . .
Cam saw me smiling. “What?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I said. “I’ll tell you later. Right now, I’m still trying to figure out why it took me so long to just be honest with you. Maybe—maybe it’s because I wasn’t being honest with myself when I decided I needed to break up with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I might be a little more nervous than I wanted to admit about that fabulous future I have planned for myself.” I shot him a sheepish glance. “I know I always talk about how I’m looking forward to going away to some great school, living in a big city . . . but it’s going to be a huge change, you know?”
He nodded. “I know. But you’re going to be great. I’m sure of it.”
“Thanks. But if I’m out there and you’re still here—”
“It won’t matter,” he put in. “Lexi, nobody can predict the future. We’ll just have to take it as it comes. But I can promise you one thing—I would never make you choose between going after your goals and being with me.” He shrugged. “I know I talk about that little restaurant on Elf Street. But you have to understand, my heart isn’t set on that the way yours is on your career stuff.” He reached for my hand and smiled that open, honest, easy smile of his. The smile of a kid on Christmas. “Nope, the only thing my heart is set on is being with you. Whatever it takes, we’ll work it out.”
Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around him. I felt his encircle me in their familiar way, strong and gentle at the same time. He bent his head toward me, and as soon as we kissed, I knew he was right. Whatever it took, we could do it. Together. It was Christmas Eve in Claus Lake, all was right with the world, and the future could wait.
When we finally came up for air, Cam smiled down at me. “Hey,” he said, “I almost forgot. Did you get my present? What did you think of it?”
“I loved it,” I answered truthfully.
But as he bent to kiss me again, I couldn’t help thinking happily that all I’d ever really wanted for Christmas was him. It was a good thing that I’d finally figured that out—just in the Old Saint Nick of time.