‘Greg, if you ask one more time,’ Mum started to say.
‘Please,’ Greg said straightaway. ‘Please, please, please.’
Although they went to the swimming pool together, Greg still asked every day whether they could go to the river to swim.
‘I’m starting to get a headache,’ Mum said, as she looked over at Dad who was sitting quietly in the kitchen, reading some letters that had just arrived. 91They were having breakfast and Ita was pushing her cornflakes into the milk; at first, they floated, but then they would get soggy and sink.
‘Mike, a little help,’ she said to him. Ita’s dad looked up and all around him for a moment, as though remembering where he was.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘You son, asking again about the river which we’ve already agreed about.’
‘What’s the harm in taking a look?’ he said. ‘I’ve got some free time now.’
‘Really?’ Greg whooped.
‘We’ll just go and see what it’s like,’ Dad said, although he sounded a little more uncertain now. ‘I’m not promising we’ll go in the water.’
‘I’ll get my trunks!’ Greg and Frankie 92sped off.
‘Are you sure about this?’ Mum asked Dad when the boys had gone.
‘It would be good to get some fresh air,’ Dad said. Her mum nodded, not asking anything more.
‘Do you want to come, Ita?’ Mum said. ‘We could stay home together if you don’t fancy it.’
There was nothing Ita would like to do more than go to the river, although she won’t be able to touch the water in front of her family; she can’t let them see her change.
Of course, she didn’t tell her parents about the river, but answered with a simple, ‘I’ll come,’ and then let herself be carried along in the tornado that was her family leaving the house together. 93Towels were thrown into bags, just in case, along with snacks and drinks and balls.
Ita noticed how her dad seemed to let it all flow over him, the bustle of Mum, Greg and Frankie getting ready, and only when they announced they were ready does he move. Greg was in front, leading the way and her dad walked at the back of the family. Ita could tell from the 94way he was holding his body that he felt tired.
They got to the place where Ita fell over, and then picked their way through the makeshift path towards the river. As they approached it, Ita thought of how the river reminded her of a snake. It moved slowly but there was a power, a strength, in its movements.
She remembered the large fin that grew out from her ankle and the larger one still that appeared on her lower leg.
The family they’d seen before were in the water again and, as soon as they get there, Greg was asking: Can we, can we? Can we get in the water?
Ita’s mum surveyed the river and the others swimming in the water. ‘If you stay close by, and don’t put your head 95under the water. Okay?’
‘Yes,’ said Greg, getting changed straightaway.
Frankie was faster than him though and was first into the water.
‘Wait for me,’ Mum said as she quickly got changed.
They entered the water together, the three of them, shrieking about the cold and the mud between their toes.
Ita and her dad watched them.
‘Not going in?’ Ita turned to her dad. She was quite used to being on the side by herself, watching her family swim. But her dad was not watching them in the water, he had turned away and was looking all around him.
‘What is it?’ Ita asked.
‘Think I’m just going to go for a quick 96walk,’ her dad replied. ‘I can’t seem to settle today.’ He called out to the others to tell them he’d be back soon and, as he went to leave, he gave Ita’s shoulder a little squeeze.
97Ita watched him go, trying to piece together how she felt. Then she understood: she was trying to work out what was wrong with Dad because even though he was here with them today, he felt far away from her. His body was there but his mind was somewhere else.
‘Dad?’ she called out in the direction he’d headed, but he had already gone too far to hear her.
She looked over to her mum and brothers; they were no longer shrieking and were moving through the water like ducks across to the other side of the 98bank. When they turned to look at each other, it was easy to see the huge, beaming smiles they were wearing.
Ita scrambled up and followed her dad. She walked down the path slowly; it was familiar to her from the weekend when she’d walked it. She felt the same sense of calm settling over her that she’d experienced then. Something about being here made her feel both peaceful and strong, at the same time. It had crept up on her, this feeling. She remembered that it’d had only been a few weeks since the day that she’d idled behind Greg and Frankie, lost and looking for something.
What she’d found that day was the river. Slowly, since then, despite the time at the swimming pool, despite still finding her confidence to speak to people at 99school, she had changed, she had grown. And she has realised something: she will be okay here. Really okay - not like when she pretended she was.
Ita was so lost in her thoughts that she almost collided with her dad, who had come to a standstill on the path. He was staring across the water, his gaze fixed on something in the distance.
100‘Dad?’ Ita said.
‘Oh Ita, you’ve come,’ he said. When he looked at her she had the sudden thought that he looks like he might cry. His eyes looked wide, staring, but the feeling behind them was undeniable: sadness.
‘What are you looking at?’ she asked him.
He pointed to the house across the water and before, he could say the words, Ita recognised it. ‘Grandma’s house.’
‘Yes,’ he said.
‘Can you see her?’ she asked him, her eyes scanning for the chair by the window where her Grandma had sat before.
‘No, and that’s what’s worrying me. She always sits by the window, looking at the birdbath in the garden. That’s where I find her every time I go round – never 101anywhere else. But I’ve been watching for the last five minutes, and I can’t see her.’
‘Maybe she’s gone into another room?’ Ita suggested.
‘Yes, maybe. I would just feel better if I could see her. I think I’ll take you back to your mum and then I’ll take the way through the streets and pop over to see her.’
‘Are you really worried, dad?’
He hesitated for a moment and then looked in Ita’s eyes. She could see the same earth brown eyes of her own and, as their eyes locked, it was as though she could truly feel the worry that her dad was carrying. He had been so busy trying to hide it from them all and, that was clear to Ita too: he didn’t want her to know how he had been really feeling.
‘I am, love,’ he admitted.102
‘I know what to do,’ Ita said, taking his hand.
She led him to the water’s edge, untied her shoes and pulled off her sweater. She hadn’t told anyone that she’d changed into her swimsuit before they’d left the house and her dad noticed it in surprise.
‘But, your mum said the other day, at the swimming pool …’ her dad began to say.
‘Come on,’ Ita said. ‘You don’t want to get all your clothes wet, do you?’
He looked at her, shocked and amazed, as she led him towards the water.
‘But you’re afrai–’ he began to say and then he stopped himself. Although Ita knew what he was going to say.
You’re afraid of the water.
‘I know – I am afraid of the water,’ 103she finished for him. And, as she said it aloud, she realised that it was still true.
She was afraid of it, and she had been afraid of many things since they had moved. But she realised that she carried something else inside her too.
‘But, I am brave,’ she said.
Ita stepped into the water.
She felt the tingle and pull of the scales overlapping onto her skin and, in the clear, golden light of the afternoon, her foot seems to glow, orange and bright, in the water.
She took another step, and then another.
The fins that grew before appeared again, gently but powerfully commanding the water.
‘Ita! What’s happening?’ her dad cried out at her transformation.104
‘It’s OK, Dad,’ Ita reassured him. She walked in further, leading him by the hand until the water reached up to their thighs.
‘Your skin,’ he said. ‘It’s … it’s …’
‘Scaley?’ Ita answered, with a grin.
‘I was going to say, beautiful,’ he said.
Her legs felt as though she had springs inside them and they were ready to uncoil. She felt the pull of wanting to move them in the water. Ita let go of her father’s hand and pushed herself forwards into the water, submerging herself.
Her whole body lit up with both a lightness and a strength as she transformed completely, every part of her in the water covered with the beautiful scales.
Just behind her, her father swam trying to keep up with her, but Ita was fast 105and deft in the water, moving through it in pulses, easily.
She couldn’t believe how good it felt, to be swimming at last. In no time, she’d reached the bank on the other side of the river and her dad was beside her, pulling himself out.
He still wore a look of utter astonishment across his face, and it only grew more as he watched the scales fade and disappear.
‘What’s happened to you?’ he said, in a whisper.
‘I don’t know,’ she admitted. ‘It’s only here, only in the river.’
‘Have you swum before?’ he asked her.
‘No, that was the first time. I’ve just dipped my hand in, that was how I found out. I’ve not swam before. But I knew 106you needed to check on Grandma, this was the fastest way.’107
108‘Ita,’ her dad said, and the way he said her name suddenly made her think of a thousand memories that she both knows and had forgotten. Of her holding Greg and Frankie’s hand, of her dad looking so tired at home that Ita feels he’s far away, of her Grandma a few years ago when she would welcome them into her home, with glasses of apple juice, and would make them a meal.
‘Let’s go find her,’ Ita said.
‘Okay,’ her dad said and together, they walk down the garden to find her.