Landon sat in the pew at the church Rossi attended, thinking about Octavia. She had been on his mind since the night before. His heart ached, knowing once he told her everything, he would lose her, not that he had her. Landon wished he could change his past.
A middle-aged, dark-skinned short man with a booming voice got his attention from the pulpit. He identified himself as Pastor Yancey before he welcomed guests. “Before I read my text this morning, I want you to consider this: Have you ever wondered how David, with his sinful, lustful and out-of-control self, could be a person after God’s own heart? It just doesn’t make sense to us,” he said, patting his chest. “God saw something in David hidden from our view—his heart.” He paused and flipped through the pages of the Bible. “So my sermon today is ‘It’s Time for Soul Searching.’ Jesus doesn’t have to put up with our foolishness. It’s His grace that we’re not consumed.
“Mark 8:36–38 says, ‘For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, and forfeit his soul? For what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will also be ashamed of him when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.”
Landon bowed his head. He needed that same mercy God had given David
The previous night, Rossi had forced him to do some soul searching of his own. Landon rewound the scene in his mind. He didn’t have to stay after Rossi finished preaching, but he couldn’t move. As the line grew longer for prayer, Landon kept playing and thinking and eventually praying. By the time Rossi made his way to him, Landon was ready to unload his burdens.
“What’s your story, bro?” Rossi said it in a low-key manner as a friend and not in an intimidating voice of a minister who had just preached. “Those church songs were engraved in your heart. I’d venture to say that you’re a prodigal son.”
“Try a prodigal son, cousin, grandson and father.” Landon held his breath as Rossi eyed him.
“I wasn’t expecting the last part.” Rossi frowned. “Your secrets are safe with me. How many children? Talk to me,” he pressed.
Landon looked away. He couldn’t face the man of God. No matter how Landon phrased it, he would not come off as endearing. “Four. I slept with women, including one in my home church, knowing that I didn’t love them. They knew it too. If they got pregnant, perhaps on purpose, once the DNA testing verified it, I paid child support rather than play their when-to-visit-or-not games.”
“The blame doesn’t all fall on your shoulders. The devil seems to plant one or two Jezebels in the church,” Rossi said as if he was trying to downplay what he had done, but Landon knew himself. He was fully to blame.
Landon had to confess this, even if Rossi wasn’t operating in his minister capacity. “There’s more…God has whispered James 1:15 to me more times than I can count with a tag line for me to repent.” He exhaled. “I was on a path of spiritual destruction that I couldn’t get off; it seems like since I was a kid. My cousin, Garrett, was also causality. Although out grandfather loved us both, I was always the one being reprimanded. I competed with Garrett for the sport, whether he participated or not. When he got engaged…I’m ashamed to say I flirted with his fiancée until she slept with me.”
He glanced at Rossi for a reaction, but his face was unreadable, so he continued. “When Brittani became pregnant, she had to come clean about our affair. Garrett hadn’t violated her like I did, but she wasn’t a virgin either. To save face, she pleaded with Garrett to spare her the double humiliation. He refused…and I didn’t love her, so of course marriage wasn’t an option for me either. Brittani’s recourse after delivering twin boys was to threaten to keep them away from the family. That was a major blow to the Miller clan where the girls outnumber the boys nine to one. The stress had been too much that Grandpa Moses suffered a heart attack.” Landon choked. He had been a horrible person and the more he talked about his deeds, the more he hated himself.
Rossi gently slapped him on the back, then rubbed his neck. “It’s all right, man. Who am I to judge God’s servant? We were all born in sin. That’s why we have to repent and be baptized in water and God’s spirit. That is the only way.”
“I know.” Landon nodded. “There’s more,” he said as Rossi removed his hand. “I was so forgone that I didn’t realize I had picked up demons along the way. Garrett’s new girlfriend discerned them when I recklessly brought a false prophet to the hospital to pray for my critically ill grandfather.” Landon sat there, listening to the rhythmic sound of crickets. With the crowd dispersed, everything seemed surreal.
“Anything else?” Rossi asked.
Landon grunted. “Haven’t I done enough damage?”
“The cross is stained with our dirty deeds. God has nothing but compassion—” He held up his finger—”unless you try and play Him. That’s what repentance is for, so I’m going to pray for you, because your actions caused a crack in your spiritual armor. The devil widened the gap and invited a slew of demons with a mission to destroy you.”
“Yep.” Landon looked down at his linked hands. “I thought about ending it all when I lost my job, condo and car…”
“That was the angel fighting for your soul. It’s time to turn your life around. Repent—”
“I feel like I’m too far gone. I wonder if my sorry is genuine enough. I’ve been compared to Esau and maybe I’m more like him than I realize. He couldn’t repent either.”
They both paused and watched as a couple of men transported the remaining stacks of chairs to the vans, then Rossi turned back to him. “Hebrews 12:17 said ‘Esau found no place for repentance, though he sought for it with tears.’ Boo-hooing doesn’t impress God if a person isn’t sincere. Jesus can restore you, if you want to be restored, but in order for that to happen, you need to give your life back to Christ—not only read, but meditate on the Word, come to church and listen to God.”
“Oh, trust me, God hasn’t stopped talking to me, although I’ve tried my best not to listen. I guess I’d better start.”
“Good.” Rossi stood. “Let’s get out of here.”
“I appreciate you listening and not judging me. The Bible says to ‘judge yourself,’ and I’ve done that. I don’t like what I see.”
“You have a free ride to church, if you’re committed,” Rossi offered.
“I’ve got to. God has my attention.” As they walked to his car, Landon stopped in his tracks, and Rossi gave him an odd look.
“What?”
“Octavia…” Landon rubbed his jaw. “I have the nerve to be attracted to a godly woman and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“There are Jezebels in the church, and there are Octavias who really love God. She may seem naive, but she has the favor of God on her life and wisdom.” Rossi paused to thank the workers along the way, then turned back to Landon. “If you’re the one who God has for her, then I pity you more than her. Remember a rose is delicate, but it still has thorns. Octavia won’t allow you to hurt her. And to be honest, neither will I.”
Landon respected Rossi for saying that. “Besides not having anything to offer her, once I tell her, she’ll hate me.”
“Nah.” Rossi reached in his pocket for his car keys. “Octavia’s going to kill you.”
“Run for your life because the devil is on your heels!” Pastor Washington’s shrieking jolted Landon back to the present and sent shivers down his body. “This is your altar call. Don’t look behind you because it will only slow you down. Look ahead to Jesus who has His arms stretched out. As a matter of fact, it’s been that way for a long time. Get up from your seats. Make that change today.”
It was time. Landon eradicated whatever amount of pride he had left in his heart to stand. With no turning back, he marched to the front of the church and confessed he wanted to rededicate his life to Christ. Two ministers laid hands on his head and shoulders and prayed. Closing his eyes, Landon saw a vision of Christ nailed to a wooden cross. Rebellious tears sprung from nowhere and flowed down Landon’s face.
In spite of the activity going on around him, Landon felt alone and stripped naked before God. Then voices seemed to surround him. Landon realized the entire congregation was rallying behind him. Shouts of “Deliver him from the devil’s bondage,” “Make his way straight, Jesus,” “Give him a clean heart…” The cries of help on his behalf became deafening.
Finally, the Lord’s voice pierced through. Your slate is clean. Now serve Me.
Everything was a blur after God spoke. The hugs, handshakes and words of encouragement were overwhelming as Landon tried to compose himself. The burdens of his deeds were gone. He felt spiritually cleansed.
“To celebrate new beginnings, let’s eat,” Rossi offered and treated him to dinner.
Hours later back at Mac’s Place, Landon was relieved that he had the bedroom to himself. He even welcomed the sight of Grady’s open Bible. Landon stood over his roommate’s bed and peeked at the scripture Grady had underlined: Jeremiah 31:3: The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with loving kindness have I drawn thee.
Landon nodded with a smile. “Yes, You have, Lord.”
Stretching out on his own bed, Landon fingered his new prepaid cell phone, pondering his next move. Rossi had made sure he had it to make and receive business-related calls. Slipping it out his pants pocket, he stared at the device. After a sigh, he punched in one number he couldn’t forget. With every ring, he choked. Finally, before the third one was complete, the familiar voice answered.
“Hi, Grandpa.” Tears returned and flooded Landon’s face as if he was a lost child instead of a thirty-three-year-old man. He never recalled crying this much as a toddler. He was a man, yet surrendering to God had sucked the life out of him.
Your old life, God whispered. I’m giving you new life.
“Landon?” Moses Miller asked for confirmation.
“Yes, sir. It’s me.”
Silence, so Landon waited to see if he would receive or reject him. There were very few people in his family he hadn’t crossed, but his maternal grandfather had been long suffering with his antics. When he issued the ultimatum, Landon realized he had lost his last ally.
“I’ve repented.” It was a prodigal-son moment that his entire family had been waiting for. They had warned him continuously that he needed to repent, but he mocked them, preferring his lifestyle of destruction and self-gratification. He bowed his head. His elbows were anchored on his knees.
“Landon, Landon, Landon,” his grandfather said in a cautious tone. “God knows I want to believe you, but your mockery of seven times seventy leaves me suspect. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you?”
“I deserve that,” Landon admitted, then began to chronicle his life since being forced out of the condo his family knew nothing about to roaming city to city: New York, Chicago and now St. Louis as he was making his way to Texas.
“Are you ready to come home?”
The cliché “home is where the heart is” was true, but he had to find his heart before he could be at home. “Nah, Grandpa. I’m at a place in my life where I’m starting over. I can’t live in Boston anymore.”
Moses was silent, which made Landon wonder what he was thinking. “That’s your decision alone to make, but you can’t make a new frontier every place you go. Women desire love and respect. Haven’t I proved that with your grandmother—fifty plus years of marriage—then your parents? You’ll never be able to love a woman until you love God first and then your own soul.”
This time, Landon let his grandfather’s wise counsel sink in—something he had never done before.
“I know that now. I met someone, and God knows I don’t want to mess it up.”
“Does this young lady know about your past?”
“Not yet—”
“Let’s pray,” his grandfather cut him off, and without any preliminaries began to call on Jesus until Landon ran out of minutes.