“Are you going to be all right?” Rossi asked Landon as he peeped his head into the makeshift office.
“Yeah,” he said it, but he wasn’t so sure. The bus had dropped Landon off at the office a few hours ago, yet he had accomplished very little on the Visitors Bureau project that Rossi had been able to secure for him. He rubbed his hair. After work, he would take a trip to Crowning Glory in Tolliver Town for another shave and haircut at a minimum fee and tip.
“My life is so messed up.” Landon shook his head in disgust. “I’m starting to see the magnitude of my mistakes.”
Stepping farther into the room, Rossi patted him on the shoulder. “Let’s take one day at a time. Despite everything in your past, God has your back; I have your back…”
There was one more name he craved. “Octavia?”
Rossi stuffed his hands in his pants pockets. “Women take mistreatment of any woman personal, so it was a hard pill for her to swallow.”
“I know.” The thought of not having Octavia as his cheerleader was more devastating than losing anything else in his life. Landon felt an unexplainable spiritual connection with her that he had never felt with any woman. The intensity frightened and soothed him at the same time. His whole emotional entanglement with Octavia started day one as if God had injected him with an Octavia IV drug when Landon hadn’t been aware.
He shifted in his chair. Now Landon understood reaping what he sowed. “Well, I guess I’d better tweak this campaign, so I can send it to the client.”
“Yep. Remember, this is about you. God tracked you down for a purpose. Everything will work out. It may not be overnight, but it will in the end.” Rossi backed out, closing the door.
Landon hoped so. “Get yourself together, man,” he chided himself. Chasing women got him into trouble. He didn’t see how chasing another one would get him out of it. He returned his attention to the graphics for the city’s winter promotion. If the Visitor’s Bureau liked his ideas on this small project, they could open the door for steady employment in the coming months, which in turn would mean him settling in St. Louis, or should he still proceed with plans to move to Texas?
Later that evening back at Mac’s Place, Landon opted for the tranquility of the patio after dinner rather than in the community TV room. It was still hot, but with September on stand-by, it was enjoyable with low humidity. He finished reading some scriptures, but instead of comforting him, Landon had never felt so alone, more than when he was living in the streets.
Generations of his family had served God, and church was weaved into their lives. Yet, there was no gospel music playing in the background, or his mother’s humming in the kitchen or his younger cousins reciting Bible verses. There was nothing around to remind him of his rich spiritual inheritance, which he had tossed away.
Landon slipped the pre-paid phone out his pocket. His hand itched to use it, but with fifty minutes remaining, Landon had to ration each call until payday on Friday. He would actually get a check at the end of the week for three hundred dollars—a far cry from his two-thousand-dollar weekly income, but it was money in his pocket and he would pay tithes on it—the first time in a long time. Staring at the card, Landon craved to hear a familiar voice. He reasoned he could spare ten minutes, punching in his grandfather’s number
Moses Miller’s booming cheerful voice greeted him after the first ring. “It’s good to hear from you. How’s everything?”
Not as I would like it. “I’m reading my Bible and taking one day at a time. I’m still living in the shelter. I’m doing a little contract work while job searching.” He rambled on to get the most out of his call.
“Why don’t you come home? Your grandmother and I will pay for your plane ticket,” he offered.
Landon smiled. His grandfather was always generous. “No, grandpa. I can pay my own way, but it may be months down the road. Plus, I’m sure nobody is forming a welcome party to see me.” At the moment, Landon was sinking into a pity party, which was so unlike him. He glanced at the time. He had already used five minutes and had barely said anything.
“Well, try to make it sooner or later. Brittani made a surprise appearance at church to show that she was engaged and made a special effort to introduce us to her fiancé. The Lord knows I’m praying for her, but the young man appears to be decent. I’m not sure if he’s a practicing Christian, but I hope he loves her and will take care of the boys. ”
Right. Landon grimaced. The twins were his responsibility. Until he lost his job, he paid child support, even if he didn’t try to establish a father-son relationship with them. Landon rubbed his head in shame. For the sake of his children, maybe he should have played the games the mothers wanted to play about when he could visit, how long and where he could take them, but his tame couldn’t be tamed, not even by the mouths he fed.
“When I pulled her aside after church and shared that you had turned your life around, she sneered and refused to believe any words coming out of your mouth,” his grandfather paused. “Forgiveness comes easy with the Lord, but expect it to be a struggle with man. But the blame isn’t all on you. She was just as much a part of the act while engaged to your cousin.
“Since Garrett’s wife is an attorney, she advised we sue for grandparent visitation rights. You know, I don’t believe in taking saints to court to settle matters, but I don’t believe Brittani has fully repented. Rejection causes bitterness, and I don’t want to lose contact with my great-grandsons or the others. After your other children surfaced, we tried to reach out. The only mother who is receptive is Reba, Alyssa’s mother. But this is only when we reach out to her. Now, Cherie’s mother is a piece of work. I can’t get past her profanity to reason with her, especially after you went missing.”
With Kim, Cherie’s mother, it was more about the missed hefty child support payments he could no longer afford. When he lost his job, he cut back on that until eventually there was nothing. “What a lowlife.” He didn’t realize he had mumbled aloud.
“Yes, we are without Christ in our lives, but Jesus died for the ungodly, so don’t let the devil throw that in your face. Smack him with Romans 5:6. You need to make amends with those mothers first before you attempt to reconcile with the family.” He paused. “Your parents and I reared you to be a man, so take care of those responsibilities. If you need anything, you call me, understand?”
“Yes, sir.” Lance checked the time. He was already two minutes over. “Thanks for forgiving me.”
“Always, grandson. You’re my blood and offspring. The promise of the Holy Ghost was made to me, my children and as many generations as the Lord has called, and God has called you as in Acts 2:39. Your mission should be to strive to be a man after God’s own heart. It takes faith.”
Yeah. His measure of faith was so minuscule that nobody, including Landon, could see it. They said their goodbyes after his grandfather said a short, but heartfelt prayer, then his lifeline was gone.
More now than ever, Landon appreciated his grandfather being his one-person pep squad. No doubt, other family members had a wait-and-see attitude about his sincerity. Landon couldn’t blame them. But the one person who Landon wanted to believe his change was genuine was Octavia.
Slipping his phone back into his pocket, he gripped his Bible again. Before he flipped through it, Landon stared out into the yard. Trees shaded one side of the fenced-in property. Some men had planted a vegetable garden in the corner.
His grandfather had told him not to beat himself up. That was easier said than done. Landon had no felt shame in messing around with his cousin’s fiancée at the time. He and Brittani had gambled and lost—Garrett wouldn’t forgive her or him. Brittani getting married was for the best if the man would accept another man’s children—his boys. Landon frowned. Of all the good male role models in his life, why did he have to be the bad apple in the bunch? He looked up in the sky. “God, was my redemption even worth it?” He sighed.
No soul is wasted, God spoke.