Griggs met me halfway. We stopped as though there was an invisible barrier between us. The wind cut sharp. Whipped against my skin like branches of a birch tree. I dug my hands deep into my jacket pockets.
‘You fuck,’ I said.
‘Tell me you wouldn’t do anything to put him away, the things he’s done.’
‘I’d have given my patsy a choice. I wouldn’t have forced him into—’
‘I didn’t think you’d resist.’ There was some regret there, sneaking in just below the words. As though he knew he’d done wrong. Didn’t want to admit it.
‘I was putting my life back together. I was so fucking close. And then you came along.’
‘Back together? Didn’t look so hot to me. Or Susan.’ His body language was wrong. His shoulders were drooped. He had difficulty looking into my eyes. He wanted to be in control, but he couldn’t manage it. Because he could see his world falling apart. All the certainties he’d had were gone. He was no longer in control.
I could sense Susan behind me. She must have wanted to speak. But didn’t say a word. Because she knew he was trying to provoke her? Or because she knew he had a point?
Maybe she knew that this conversation was about me and Griggs. Her own words would come later.
I said, ‘So you thought you’d help me find my sense of purpose?’
‘Something like that.’
‘And when I didn’t play along, you decided the only thing left to do was to manipulate me? Make sure I had no choice but to do what you wanted?’
‘Desperate times.’
‘Desperate? Like fuck, Griggs. So what did all of this achieve? Aside from monumentally screwing up both our lives? Tell me?’
‘We rattled him. The old man’s on the ropes. Ready to give up. He knows he’s past it. He knows the evidence is stacked. He knows—’
‘—Does it matter to you how many people are going to die? Needlessly? The old man’s gone to war. Against a psychopath who wouldn’t think twice about killing anyone who got in his way.’
Susan couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t keep quiet. ‘Jesus, Sandy! All of this … all you think you achieved … it doesn’t mean anything! The evidence you gained was procured by illegal methods. Your undercover operation was never sanctioned. Everything you did undermines the legitimacy of your intentions.’
Griggs nodded. I wondered how long he’d been saddled with that knowledge. He can’t have started this knowing that he was in the wrong. He had to have blinded himself with the zeal of the righteous. By the time he realized that what he was doing was morally and legally compromised, he must have also realized there was no way back. He was committed.
Never start something you can’t finish.
One of the first things my dad had taught me.
Wonder who taught Griggs that. Or whether he learned that lesson the hard way.
I looked at him. Saw something like I used to see looking in the mirror. A man who knew that what he was doing was wrong. Who knew that he was damned but still continued because he didn’t know how to do anything else.
A man obsessed.
Looking for a revenge he could never have.
I said, ‘This isn’t about Burns setting you up all those years ago, is it? This isn’t about his empire stretching beyond the control of the police. This isn’t political. This is personal.’
He nodded. Finally looked at me head on.
I said, ‘So tell me.’