Bellanore
Slowly, I try to center myself, to calm down, and I angrily wipe my tears away only to realize where I teleported myself to.
To my home.
To the house I grew up in.
In my haste to get away from my dad, I somehow ended up here. Previous to today, I hadn’t even thought of this place in forever.
It’s a beautiful, cozy little home, with three bedrooms, two bathrooms. A dining room offshoot from the kitchen. The walls are all painted a faintly yellow, off-white shade that brightens each room and makes them appear larger than they are.
I’m in the living room, and I head over to the dining room. Unlike the house Dad moved me to, this place has a lot of the paintings up yet, including one that Mom did that hangs above the fireplace. It’s the moon shining over a silver pond, the moon’s reflection in the gentle waves. I’ve always loved that painting. Just looking at it now brings me peace, but only for a moment. It’s stupid for me to, but I miss her so much. My mom used to be the one I went to when I would fall out of a tree and skin my knee. If I got hurt and started to bleed, I would seek her out to wash and bandage the wound. She would ask me what happen, not judge me, and never act as if I were stupid or foolish even though I was the reason why I got hurt in most of the instances.
She made me feel safe.
Now, she just makes me feel sad. And angry. Furious. Depressed.
My mom abandoned me because I wasn’t good enough. I was too demonic for her.
When I was little, Mom was happy. She had been happy here, not just with me but also with Dad. At one time, I thought they loved each other. As for Dad, well, he hasn’t been with anyone else after Mom, and as far as I know, they aren’t divorced. They’re just separated.
Does she even think about me anymore?
I head back to the living room and realize that all of the photos of the happy family we once were have been taken down. I guess that’s not too surprising.
I head upstairs. My room is just like I left it. Dad allowed me to take whatever I wanted from the room, but I left a fair amount here, more than I initially thought. I always assumed this place had been sold. Why wasn’t it?
Is Mom here? Does she live here yet?
Even though I try to temper my expectations, I rush to my parent’s room. I knock, but when there’s no answer, I open the door.
It’s empty. Completely empty. No bed, no curtains, nothing at all. It’s the only room to have nothing in it yet.
Defeated, I head to the kitchen. There, above the breakfast nook, is a picture of the three of us. I’m smiling up at my parents. Mom’s smiling at Dad, and he’s smiling at the camera. I’m maybe six in the picture. It’s crazy to think that was eleven years ago.
“Mom, where are you?” I ask as my fingers hover above the glass over her face.
Tears prickle my eyes. I shut them, and the tears trickle down my cheek. I’m calm despite the inner anguish. All I want is a chance to be reunited with Mom, the opportunity to ask her what I did wrong, and the ability to apologize if I did something to make her leave.
“Mom, please, come back. I… I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared. Dad…”
She didn’t leave because of me. It had to have been because of Dad.
Or maybe because he was training me, so I am partially to blame.
Does she know what Dad’s involved in? Is that why she left, but why didn’t she take me with her? Why did she leave me too?
She didn’t just leave me, though. She turned the entire pack against me except for Ellamaria. As much as I want to believe that Mom’s issues are with Dad, that’s not the truth, and I know it.
I sniff, angrily brush my tears away, and teleport to my room. Instead of staying there, I head to Ellamaria’s room. She’s not there, but she’s heading my way as I go down the hallway.
“Bellanore,” she says, greeting me with a smile before her lips tug downward. “What’s wrong?”
“I need some good news,” I tell her. “Do you have any?”
“No.”
I grimace. “I really need some.”
“Fine.” She loops our arms. “Let’s go and make some.”
“What do you have in mind?”
“No idea, but let’s go take a stroll around campus.”
We leave the castle, and as we head toward the center of campus, I just stop walking.
“I really need to talk to my mom,” I blurt out.
Ellamaria eyes me. “What do you need to talk to her about? Can I help any?”
“Help me be able to talk to her,” I say desperately. “If I reach out, she’ll ignore me, but if you…”
Ellamaria hangs her head. “She’ll lose faith in me,” she mumbles.
I stiffen and remove my arm from hers. “Her faith in you is more important than our friendship?” I ask.
“No…”
My shoulders slump, and I hang my head. “The pack ties are stronger with her than with me. I get it. Soon enough, I’ll be completely alone without a pack, and who knows what’ll happen to me then.”
“You can talk to me about anything,” Ellamaria says, her tone as anxious as mine. “Is it about Robb?”
“No. Yes. A little.”
“I know I don’t have a lot of dating experience, but I can still give you a listening ear. Two even.” She smiles wanly.
“Admit it,” I say sadly. “You’re only friends with me out of obligation.”
“What? No—”
“You’re afraid of what will happen if even you go against me, if you turn tail away.” My entire body feels like I’ve been encased in ice. “Please tell me I’m wrong.”
“Bellanore, we’ve been friends forever. We’re always going to be friends.”
She’s telling the truth, but I can’t help feeling like there’s something else there. As much as I don’t want to push her away, I want the truth, and I can’t stop myself from digging.
“Yes, but you feel obligated to me, don’t you? Did…” I suck in a breath. “Did my mom ask you to spend time with me?”
“No, your mom didn’t ask me to spend time with you,” Ellamaria says softly, but she won’t look me in the eye.
“So you do feel obligated,” I press.
“No!”
I close my eyes. It’s so murky and unclear, and it’s plainly evident that she’s not telling the complete truth.
“You don’t have to help me talk to my mom,” I say as I open my eyes. “I’ll find a way to talk to her myself.”
Ellamaria clings to my arm. “You don’t want to see her.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to snap at her that she can’t tell me what I do and don’t want, but I force myself to remain as even-tempered as possible. “Why not?”
“She’s not the same.”
“Not the same? What do you mean?”
“She doesn’t talk much. She’s quiet, withdrawn.”
“But you said she went to that baby shower or whatever it was for your sister.”
Ellamaria shrugs and rubs the back of her neck. “Yes, she came, but she didn’t speak much. She’s…”
“She’s as isolated as a werewolf can be in a pack,” I suppose.
“Yes!” Ellamaria nods vigorously, but there’s a hint of sadness in her eyes. “You’re a lot like her. You push me away like your mom pushes mine away. We both want to be there for you and not out of obligation. Not out of some sense of duty. We… I don’t know. I’m grateful that we’re friends. I appreciate and value you. There are times when I feel like I get lost in the shuffle. I mean, I have so many siblings, and it sometimes feels like I get overlooked at home. With you, I’m your best friend. I would never do anything to lose you, so if you want to go see your mom, I’ll make it happen. I’ll find a way.”
“Now.”
“Now?” she repeats. “All right. Let’s go.”
“To your place?” I ask, figuring she’ll have her mom call my mom over.
“No. We aren’t going to give her a chance to back out,” Ellamaria says firmly. “You, ah, might want to teleport us off campus.”
I grin and grab her hand, but then I pause. “Thank you,” I say, my tone soft. “And I owe you an apology. I’ve been so messed up between everything with Robb, my dad, my mom… I didn’t even realize you were hurting.”
“I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me what’s going on, but I understand that sometimes, a girl just needs her mom.” Ellamaria smiles wanly. “I almost feel like I need mine more too, but I also want my independence, too, you know?”
“I do know,” I murmur even though independence isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be, especially for werewolves where complete and total independence is an impossibility.
I teleport us to an alley in a nearby human city, where we get an Uber to drive us closer to our destination. Ellamaria leads the way, and I hate that I don’t even know my mom’s address.
But when we reach the house, I see a brown furry animal rushing away from the back of the house.
My mom.
She won’t even face me. She smelled our approach, and she just upped and fled.
I don’t think there can be a clearer message than that. My mom truly wants nothing to do with me. She can’t even bear the thought of looking me in the eye.