Robb
All I want is peace, but I don’t think there is any peace to be had. The world is crashing down all around me, and I can barely keep my head above water. I don’t want to worry Bellanore any, but my heart has been speeding up at times to the point that I can’t catch my breath. It feels like my heart is trying to burst out of my chest. It’s terrifying. The curse is going to kill me. If I had just gone for the drow’s throat…
But, no. With his last breath, he had to go and curse me so that I can’t join another pack. If my pack can’t be revived, I will die.
Why can’t the demon just resurrect one of my packmates? Then, the curse would be broken, and the two of us can…
Can what? Kill Bellanore’s dad? That’s a sure way to win her back.
Not that she seems all that interested in getting back together, considering we don’t see each other every day like we used to. Without her in my life, it’s so easy for the depression to settle in deep. My bones feel like they’re filled with enough guilt and agony that it’s a wonder that I can get up each morning.
Bellanore helped me to move forward with my life. The hope that I could maybe defeat the curse pushed me to ignore the grief from losing my family, from losing my pack, but let’s be honest. Yes, I came to Moonstone Academy so I could learn who was Ronath’s child, but I never even asked around about him when I came here. I was already not strong enough to tackle a demon.
And after killing that drow and the terrible curse he inflicted, I’m not sure I have it in me to kill anyone else.
Not even a demon.
Especially not a demon.
I won’t stand a chance.
But that’s not all. There’s chaos all the way around, chaos and destruction. The werewolves and vampires have found ways to fight each other despite both campuses being on lockdown. There hasn’t been a major battle, not since the night of the Red Moon Ball, and I have to wonder if that’s because the werewolf students are preoccupied by the upcoming Grand Hunt.
Imagine my surprise when Bellanore heads my way. Her head is low, her hair falling forward to cover her face, but when she stands before me, she lifts her head to reveal her amazing eyes. She’s been teased about them before, and they are different. They’re unique and stunning. They’re just jealous that their eyes don’t glow.
Although mine have only started to glow since the curse came upon me. I’d much rather my eyes no longer glow, but for that to happen, I’ll have succumbed to the curse.
“How are you feeling?” she murmurs.
“Like you care,” is on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow back the hurtful words. My emotions have been a trial to overcome, and I assume it’s the Mystic Twilight that’s to blame.
Instead, I mutter, “I’m alive yet, so there’s that.”
“Each day is a gift.”
“Each day is a curse,” I spit out. “It’s agony and pain and…”
She flinches.
“Sorry,” I mumble.
“Don’t apologize. I asked a stupid question and followed up with a stupid line. I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t.” I shut my eyes and run a hand through my hair.
Her fingers brush against my eyelid, along the scar, and I suck in a breath. It hurts sometimes, the scar, as if I can feel the cut all over again. It bled so badly that all I could see through that eye had been red. I almost thought I would go blind, but luckily, it barely scratched my eye. The deepest part of the blow had been just above and right below the orb, thankfully. Otherwise, I would’ve lost the eye.
When she lowers her hands, I open my eyes. I expect to see pity in her eyes, and I ready myself to feel anger and frustration at the sight, but all I see is an emotion I can’t name but takes my breath away regardless.
Or maybe that’s just the curse because I can’t breathe.
In a panic, I turn my back to her and try to focus on counting, on taking one breath at a time, inhaling however much oxygen I can get until I can breathe easier again.
“A panic attack?” Bellanore asks gently as she circles around to stand in front of me again.
“Maybe,” I mumble. The thought hadn’t occurred to me.
“Because I touched…” She grimaces. “I can’t do anything right,” she adds softly, maybe talking to herself more than to me.
“You’re fine. I’m the one who…” A lump in my throat strangles anything I might say, and when I next swallow, I choke and cough as a result. My own body is like a prison. I can’t even feel happy that Bellanore’s come to see me. I’m robbed of my emotions. I’m barely hanging on, and each day, I question what I’m doing.
Ronath.
Me.
Why should he live? He’s a demon. He’s done terrible things.
But I’m no saint either, and yes, I killed the drow out of self-defense, but I also killed out of anger, out of hatred. He killed my loved ones, and I wanted him to die.
My own emotions then overwhelmed me to the point that I didn’t recognize myself, and now my emotions are not even my own but still trending toward evil, toward anger, toward hatred.
I hate Ronath, and I don’t even know him. He’s the obstacle preventing me from living my best life with my family by my side once more.
But if I go against him, I’ll die.
And if I don’t go against him, I’ll die.
Even if I somehow go against him and survive, I’ll have killed my love’s father. She’ll never forgive me. Yes, she doesn’t always see eye-to-eye with him, but who agrees with their parents over everything? It’s one thing to fight and be angry with your father. It’s another for him to be killed.
And for the sake of another demon. Why Zaun won’t move against Ronath himself, I don’t know. Is the demon afraid of Ronath? If so, how can the demon actually believe that I can have a hand in Ronath’s death? I can’t, not when I’m this on edge, this close to the tipping point.
My love’s father.
My love.
Do I love Bellanore? Is it possible for me to feel love?
Or do I wish I can feel love and assume that if I wasn’t closed off to that emotion, I would feel it?
“You’re the one who what?” Bellanore asks.
I smirk. “I don’t even know what I was going to say,” I confess.
“My beauty leaves you speechless, I see,” she teases, smiling.
“I didn’t think you were so vain.”
“Well, you know how it goes. When you’re a demon, you tend to just… You tend to think overly highly about yourself.”
“You’re right, though. You are beautiful.”
“Thank you. I don’t mean to fish for compliments, though.”
She’s blushing and looking away. Unreal. She’s embarrassed.
I burst out laughing. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.”
“I’m not,” she protests.
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not,” she protests.
I lift my eyebrows.
“Well… Fine,” she huffs. “I don’t want to talk about my looks.”
“Why not?”
“You won’t think I’m so beautiful after you hear this.”
I shrug and cross my arms. “Hear what? I don’t see how you can say anything that would change the fact that you’re beautiful, but go ahead.”
“My dad wanted to see me.”
I still.
“He asked me to name anything materialistic that I wanted. At first, I brushed it off, but then I started to think…”
I bite my tongue so I don’t say anything I might regret.
“I asked him… Well, I ended up asking him for help.”
I swallow hard and suppress a cough. “Did you ask him to just roll over and die?”
She scowls. “No. I asked him how much it would cost to hire a necromancer.”
“You didn’t.”
“I did. And he refused, so I asked for money to hire a witch—”
“A witch can’t do what needs to be done,” I yell. “A witch can’t bring back a person’s mind, body, and soul! I can’t have my family back as a zombie!”
“I know that, but I thought—”
“You didn’t think. You can’t be serious, Bellanore. Do you think I’m stupid? I already considered finding another necromancer. There isn’t one.”
“Robb, I know you’re upset—”
My eyes flash, and my fingers curl into tight fists. “I don’t like that condescending tone.”
“And I don’t appreciate your willingness to play a martyr,” she snaps. “What happened to the Robb who killed the drow because the drow killed his family? You need to fight! Be a fighter! Don’t take this lying down!”
“So you want your father to die? I’m supposed to kill him, but if you’re asking around about a necromancer gets out… if he starts to dig…”
“I don’t want you or him to die,” she says firmly. “Is that so terrible of me?”
I wearily wipe a hand down my face. “I get that, but if something doesn’t change and soon, werewolves and vampires will die. More werewolves and vampires. Not just me.”
“That’s all you’re worried about? You need to be concerned about your own life!”
“There’s no way for me to win,” I tell her. “All I can do is try to live out the rest of my life in such a way that I’ll end up in Heaven so I can rejoin my family. That’s all there is for me.”
“No, Robb, there—”
“There isn’t,” I snap, “and the sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.”
“I can’t believe you’re just going to give up!”
“What do you want from me?” I roar. “Do you want me to kill your dad?”
“Of course not, but—”
“There is no other way. Don’t waste your time worrying about me. I’ve made my peace.”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Don’t tell me what I have and haven’t done,” I growl.
“You can’t look me in the eye and tell me you’re ready to die.”
I grab her shoulders, stare her straight in the eye, open my mouth…
And no words come out.
A smirk quirks her lips. “Can’t do it, huh?”
“I’m ready to die,” I tell her quietly.
She narrows her eyes and then shakes her head. “You’re lying to yourself.”
I grit my teeth. “What do you want from me, Bellanore?”
“To fight the curse!”
“The drow is dead. There’s no way for the curse to be undone unless I kill your dad. If I kill your dad, I’ll end up going to Hell. He’ll be waiting for me there. Not exactly what I want, and what if Zaun lied? What if he doesn’t resurrect my pack? Then I would’ve killed your dad and lost you, and for what? For nothing. My soul will be doomed—”
“Do you honestly think my dad wouldn’t fight you back? It would be—”
“Is it self-defense if I start the fight with the intention of killing him?” I grumble. “I don’t think so, and don’t forget—I went after Dural.”
“But the drow wanted to kill you anyhow,” she protests. “That really was self-defense!”
“And if I go after your dad?”
“You could easily start a fight and provoke him verbally.”
“But the intention would be to kill him, and honestly, do you see me winning?”
She grimaces.
“Why are you even arguing with me about this?” I continue. “You want a miracle. Well, I don’t see any angels around, and let’s face it. I’m not going to be able to kill your dad.”
“Robb…”
“Witches can’t help me. No one can.”
I turn away from her, but I can’t help but wonder at that. Demons. Who are their enemies?
Angels.
Will an angel be willing to help me?
Too bad I don’t know any, and the chances of one being willing to help a cursed werewolf aren’t too high either, even if my task to become uncursed is to vanquish a demon.
Might not be worth the effort to locate an angel.
My eyes close, and I turn away from Bellanore. I don’t open my eyes again until I hear her walk away.
My eyes open, but Bellanore tricked me. She’s standing before me, and she places a hand on my cheek.
“We’ll find a way,” she promises.
I snort. “Now who’s lying to who?”