Bellanore
“I know that expression,” Ellamaria says as she sweeps into my room without bothering to knock.
“What expression?” I’m surprised she even caught a glimpse of my face considering I’m pacing. I tend to do that a lot when I’m thinking.
Actually, I would prefer to go for a walk outside when I want to think things through, but I don’t want to run into certain werewolves.
The bullies.
My bullies.
As much as I try to ignore them, their words, their whispers, their insults, their stares, I can’t get them out of my mind. I’ll be trying to master a technique for class, and something they said would come to mind, and it sets me on edge all over again. All I want to do is lash out against them, but I know that won’t help any. Still, there has to be something I can do.
“You’re trying to puzzle through something,” Ellamaria says. “Why not tell me what it is?”
I shake my head. “No. I can handle this.”
She lifts her eyebrows. “Does it involve Robb?”
I stop my pacing and face her. “No.”
Ellamaria crosses her arms and just waits.
Defeated, I hang my head. “I want to stand up to the bullies. I don’t think I can handle the tormenting anymore.”
“So go to the headmaster.”
“That will make things worse.”
“Maybe, maybe not. There hasn’t been another fight between werewolves and vampires. Maybe he’ll be able to get them to stop.”
“I already contacted the alpha of Forge before. It wasn’t about Nia and the bullying, but he wasn’t able to stop her. She did the whole poison thing after I ratted her out about the Mystic Twilight! What makes me think that their alphas or the headmaster or any of the professors would be able to control them?”
Ellamaria crosses over and gives me a hug. “I know it’s hard, but there’s someone else you could talk to.”
“Who?”
She draws back, her hands on my shoulders. “Your dad.”
“No way. He’ll threaten them, and if they try to get lippy with him, he might just go ahead and kill them.”
“Well, at least they would be out of your hair then.”
“Ellamaria!”
“I’m just joking.” She bites her lower lip and goes around me to sit in my desk chair. “I know they haven’t made things easier on you.”
“You don’t have to worry.”
“I wish we had more classes together,” she wails. “They never bother you in zoolingualism.”
“It’s not your fault,” I assure her, but she’s right. When she’s around, the bullies leave me be for the most part. It’s not as if I don’t have any other friends besides Ellamaria. It’s just that right now, tensions are running high. Students are upset that they can’t leave the campus, and the ones who fought against the vampires are on edge. The ones who were injured by the vampires and their packmates and friends all want revenge.
The entire campus is filled with werewolves who long to fight, to strike back.
But I don’t. As much as I want the bullying to stop, I don’t want to resort to just fighting to do so.
“You haven’t come up with a plan, have you?” Ellamaria asks.
“Not yet.” I sit on the edge of my bed, my elbows on my knees. Hunching over, I cradle my chin in my hands. “Get my mind off this.”
“Fine. Let’s see… I’ve spent some time in the infirmary.”
“You have? You weren’t hurt at all, were you?”
“No, no. Nothing like that.”
“Then why?”
She shrugs. “I thought that maybe I could see if I could help some of the hurt werewolves. I wanted to maybe get them to see that they got hurt because they didn’t run away. Yes, the vampires attacked us, but the hatred is only going to grow and get worse if we keep killing each other.”
“I’m sure that went over well.”
“Oh, it was a disaster!” Ellamaria laughs. “The first few times I went, I didn’t say anything. I just helped the healers with whatever they needed. They sometimes use gemstones to help them, especially with drawing out poisons, did you know that?”
“No,” I murmur.
“But as I continued to go back and saw the same werewolves there, listening to them go on and on about the vampires… I just had to say something. The werewolves got so worked up, though, that the healers said I can’t come back anymore.”
I sit up taller. “I’m glad you tried to help them to see where they were wrong.”
“What did I expect? The vampires ambushed us. Now, if I tried to talk to them after one of the times the werewolves ambushed the vampires, maybe then I could’ve gotten through to them, but werewolves are not only loyal. They’re also stubborn.”
“Some more than others.”
“They’re too set in their ways, which is crazy. I mean, we’ve come so far as a species! We used to eat flesh and drink blood! We could only transform under the light of the full moon! Now, we can transform whenever we want. We can just transform our fingers into claws. No flesh, no blood… We’re so much stronger than ever before, but we’re going to resort to violence? To mindless hate? Why?” She throws up her hands.
“I know. It’s a terrible world we live in. I just wish…” I hang my head. “So many things.”
“I’ve been talking to someone,” Ellamaria says abruptly.
“Who?”
“A… A werewolf.”
I snort. “That really narrows it down. A guy?”
She nods. “I… I think I might be getting somewhere with him.”
“Who?”
“Don’t freak out, okay? But I think that you’re more than just who you associate with.”
I narrow my eyes. “You aren’t talking about Jett, are you? Definitely not Wyatt. Tell me it’s not Wyatt.”
“Of course not! Neither of them!”
“Then who?” I cry.
I really don’t like that she won’t look at me. She’s staring at the floor, and she’s wringing her hands.
“Who have you been talking to?” I ask.
“Decker,” she mumbles.
“Decker Winds?” I repeat, dumbfounded.
She nods. “He’s actually really smart and—”
“You can judge some people by the ones they hang out with,” I spit out. “Seriously? Decker is involved with Roald. Roald’s the one who carved up Robb’s chest as if it was butter!”
“Robb healed,” Ellamaria protests.
“Are you serious right now?”
“No! I didn’t mean it the way it came out.” Ellamaria looks ready to cry. “I’m sorry. I just… I knew you would react like this, and I knew you wouldn’t hear me out. Will you just… Will you listen, please?”
“I’ll listen,” I spit out.
“Decker and I have been talking for a little while now. We’re just talking. He’s worried.”
“About?”
“Nia. And Roald. And Elliot. He knows they all go too far, especially Nia and Roald, but—”
“But nothing.”
“Bellanore,” Ellamaria warns. “You promised you would listen.”
“So I can’t say anything?”
“No, and don’t think anything either.”
“What?” I can’t help but laugh at the absurdity.
“I can read your thoughts. Your face. You can’t hide your emotions. Just stop judging, okay?”
“Fine. Go ahead. I’ll keep my mouth shut and try not to think.”
“Good. Thank you.” Ellamaria sucks in a deep breath. She looks so nervous, and her hands are shaking. “We’re friends. That’s all. He knows that we can’t be anything more so long as he’s associated with them, but he also thinks that he can’t leave.”
I want to say something, but I remember just in time that I can’t.
“When Robb got hurt… Decker told me about it. How he didn’t fight, how Elliot had Robb pinned… Full nelson? Nelson hold? Something like that. Anyhow, that’s when Roald sliced and carved into Robb, but what you and Robb don’t know is that Decker almost got sliced himself. Afterward, Roald screamed and lost it on Decker because Elliot pointed out that Decker didn’t lay a claw on Robb.”
“Why won’t he just leave then?” I ask.
“Didn’t you hear me? Roald went crazy. He hates Robb so much that he almost turned against Decker. He almost attacked Decker. Can you imagine what Roald will do if Decker does leave that group? He’ll go after Decker just like he does Robb, and Decker would be the one to face his wrath.”
“Staying… I guess it’s an impossible situation.”
“It is!” Ellamaria breathes easier, and she lowers her hands from her lap, her arms dangling by her sides. “Decker used to be with Roald and them because he had no other friends. Who wants to be without any friends? He never felt like he belonged with his pack, and that has to be almost as bad as not having one at all.”
I glance away. “I think not having one is far worse than one you don’t want,” I can’t help snapping, reflecting on both my situation’s and Robb’s.
Ellamaria scratches the back of her neck. “I get that. I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to do, how to help him. Decker’s afraid of both Roald and Nia. We know what she’s capable of, what he’s capable of. They’re both bad news, and they both need to be stopped. There’s no doubting that.”
“How long have you been talking to Decker?”
Ellamaria shrugs. “A while now.”
“A few days? Weeks?”
She says nothing.
“Months?” I blurt out. “You’ve been talking to him for months, and you’re just telling me now?”
“I know that you’ve been dealing with stuff. Your mom, your dad… Robb… the bullies…”
“You can talk to me about anything,” I say dully. “Have I been a bad friend?”
“No! I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”
“You didn’t because you were afraid I would react the way that I did. I am a bad friend.”
“You’re under a lot of stress. You push yourself too hard, and you want everyone to like you.”
“I don’t want to be popular.”
“No. I guess everyone isn’t the right word. You want your parents to love you and for no one to hate you. That better?”
“Who doesn’t want that?”
“It’s a lot easier to have your parents love you if one isn’t a demon.”
“I used to think…”
“I know. To think that over a year and a half ago, I was teasing you about your dad being your favorite parent.”
“Ellamaria…”
“Yeah?”
I want to share with her about the hellhound. I told her some of what my dad pulled but not all of it.
My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Finally, I mumble, “I need a plan.”
“To take down the bullies?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you talk to Robb?”
I shake my head. No way.
I don’t want to risk Robb’s life for my issue, considering Robb has his own to handle. He never should’ve gotten involved with the rough crowd to begin with, even though it seems like they enfolded him into the group without his even wanting it. If he hadn’t come here, he wouldn’t have to worry about the likes of them.
If he hadn’t come here, that would mean his pack would still be alive. All would be right in his world.
I should want that for him, but I’m just like Robb.
I’m selfish.
I want him in my life.
Exhaling, I lift my head and smile at Ellamaria. “So… you said that Decker knows you two can’t be together as long as he’s in the rough crowd. Does that mean that when he finally ditches them, you two will start dating?”
Ellamaria’s tanned complexion can’t hide her blush, and I start to tease her, begging for more details. It feels so right to talk and pretend for a moment that I’m a normal teenage werewolf.
But I’m not normal.
I’m not just a werewolf.
I have a demon for a father and a boyfriend who is cursed.
My life isn’t shaping up how I thought it would, but I can figure this mess out. I can right wrongs.
I have to.