“Luli, tell me! Tell me! Where are they going? Who were you talking to?” Ma demands.
I don’t want to talk to her. I just want to think.
But Ma won’t let up. She pleads and yanks on my clothes until I finally burst out, “They’ve taken the baby to sell.”
“Not true! Not true!” Ma screams and slaps at my arms. “You’re lying!”
I move away from her, shaking my head. “Why would I lie? Yun is my closest friend. She’s all I have in the world. Do you think I want to believe she would do this?”
Ma stares at me. For a moment I’m afraid she’s going to come at me again, but she just drops into a chair and wails.
I feel sorry for her now. Her son has done something unforgivable. And I know just how she feels, because my friend has done the same thing.
I go to her and crouch next to the chair. “Ma, there’s a chance we’ll get her back. I called a private detective. That’s who I was talking to. He’s gone after them. He’ll find them.”
Her face is a mess. “A detective! What about Yong? What will happen to him?”
I bite my lips. “Maybe . . .” I think about saying that maybe the detective will just collect the baby and let Yun and Yong go free. But I don’t want Yong to go free. And I doubt he will after what he’s done. I can’t give Ma false hope. “Ma, the important thing is that he’ll bring Chun back to us. Let’s just think about the baby.”
I keep repeating this, trying to calm her, convince her. Convince myself. Finally I say, “It’s late. You should try to get some sleep. We’ll know more in the morning.” I help her into bed. As I pile on the covers, she looks at my arms, still slightly red where she hit me. Her face crumbles again and she grasps my hands, then starts rubbing my arms. Her hands are warm against my cold, goose-fleshed skin.
“Luli, forgive me. I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t thinking.” Her tears have slowed but are still leaking down her face. “You’re trying to help. I know that. You’re a good girl.”
Nobody’s called me that in a long, long time. I hold in a sob.
Ma eventually falls asleep, but I can’t. I stay at the table clutching my phone, hoping and not hoping for a call from Mr. Xiang, worrying about what I may have done to Yun. Will he arrest her? Maybe he won’t find them. But then Chun would be lost to us. Maybe she’ll go to a good home . . .
I’m twisted in knots wondering if I did the right thing. Every scenario crosses my mind. Maybe Yong tricked Yun into going with him. Does he plan on selling her as well? In my heart, I know that Yun chose to go, to get the money. I truly don’t believe she means to stay with Yong, but I am sure she’s in danger.
I see now that Yun will always be reckless, and maybe it’s better that the baby goes to someone else. But it’s too late to undo the call to Mr. Xiang. Too late to do anything but wait and see what happens next.
My knuckle is raw from where I’ve been digging my teeth into it. I’m longing to talk to someone. Impulsively, I scroll for Ming’s number and push the call button. The phone rings four times before he answers. “Hello?” His voice is gravelly from sleep, and I remember that it’s the middle of the night.
“Ming. It’s Luli,” I whisper. “I’m sorry, it’s so late. I didn’t think. Go back to sleep.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Regret rushes over me. I lied to him about Chun being his so that he would help us get here. Before, I thought I was being strong in a desperate situation, but now I see that I was weak to use him. He’s done so much, and I owe it to him to tell him the truth, but I know that now isn’t the time. I hope I can make things right with him. When all this is over, I’ll try, but right now there’s too much to explain.
I push down my upset and try to sound normal. “I just wanted to hear your voice, but I didn’t think about the time. Go back to sleep. Call me tomorrow.”
I click off, feeling hollow inside. I’m wrung out with trying to fix this awful situation. Even stronger than the guilt about lying to Ming is the worry over what I’ve done to Yun. As messed up as she is, she’s like family to me, and now, I may be sending her to prison. I never intended that. She doesn’t deserve that. But I can’t see any way to stop it.