Greatest Story Ever Told1

Moses come riding up on a guitar2

His spurs were a-jingling, the door was ajar

His buckle was silver, his manner was bold

I asked him to come on in out of the cold

His brain was boiling, his reason was spent

He said: If nothing was borrowed, then nothing was lent

I asked him for mercy, he gave me a gun

Said: Now ’n’ again these things just got to be done

Abraham and Isaac

sitting on a fence

You’d get right to work

if you had any sense

Y’know the one thing we need

is a left-hand monkey wrench3

Gideon come in with his eyes on the floor4

Says: Y’ain’t got a hinge, you can’t close the door

Moses stood up a full six-foot-ten

Says: You can’t close the door when the wall’s caved in

I asked him for water, he poured me some wine5

We finished the bottle, then broke into mine

You get what you come for, you’re ready to go

It’s one in ten thousand just come for the show6

Abraham and Isaac

Digging on a well

Mama come quick

with the water witch spell7

Cool clear water8

where you can’t never tell

Words by Robert Hunter

Music by Bob Weir

1 Greatest Story Ever Told

Also the title of a 1965 film, produced and directed by George Stevens, about the life of Jesus. Based on a 1949 book of the same title by Fulton Oursler.

2 guitar

Hunter notes in A Box of Rain: “Bob Weir . . . sings quasar rather than guitar.”

However, when the song was first sung with the Dead, Weir actually did sing guitar rather than quasar.

3 left-handed monkey wrench

Richard McKenna, in his book The Left-Handed Monkey Wrench, explains that the left-handed monkey wrench is an item every novice sailor is sent to fetch, as an initiation. This is what’s known in the folklore trade as a “fool’s errand.” Here’s a list of similar tools that a new apprentice or recruit may be sent to find:

Images

Carpenters: crooked straightedge, round square, rubber hammer for glass nails or flannel hammer.

Storemen could often do with a wall-stretcher.

Painters: red, white, and blue paint.

Printers: cubic type

Nautical: galley down-haul, key of the starboard watch.

Miscellaneous: left-handed spanner, horseladder, yard-wide pack thread. (Partridge)

There are many others, including a boar stretcher, a sky hook, and the forty-foot-of-water line (which is actually a line that is painted on the bottom of the ship to show where the average water height would be).

4 Gideon

Jewish tribal leader, ca. twelfth century B.C.E. His story is to be found in Judges 6–8. He is remembered for mobilizing a force that at last put an end to annual raids at harvest time and is “also remembered for having an exceptional penchant for oracle-seeking and divinatory inquiry” (Anchor Bible Dictionary). 44

5 asked him for water

Compare the line in the “Cool Drink of Water Blues,” recorded sometime between 1928 and 1930 by Tommy Johnson:

Well, I asked for water and

She gave me gasoline. (Oakley)

Howlin’ Wolf also recorded this song as “I Asked for Water (She Gave Me Gasoline)” (ca. 1959). He is credited as the song’s author.

John 2: 1–11 records Jesus’s first miracle:

And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of

Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:

And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith

unto him, They have no wine.

Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with

thee? mine hour is not yet come.

His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.

And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.

Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.

And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.

When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew); the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,

And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now.

This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee, and manifested forth his glory; and his disciples believed on him.

See also John: 19: 28–30:

After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst.

Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth.

When Jesus therefore had received the vingar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

6 ten thousand

Is it worthwhile to note that two songs on Ace contain the number ten thousand? The other is in “Black-Throated Wind”: “. . . ten thousand cafes and bars.” Weir seeems to like this number: He also sings it in the Dead’s version of the traditional song “Samson and Delilah”: “And when he got to move, ten thousand were dead.” “Ten thousand” is also the literal translation of the Chinese word for “a great number” and is a primary unit by which higher numbers are expressed.

7 water witch spell

Water-witching, or dowsing, is the art of finding water sources using a divining rod, or even one’s hand. The Beginner’s Handbook of Dowsing by Joseph Baum cites Moses as the first dowser, based on the biblical passage “and Moses . . . smote the rock with his rod and water came forth abundantly” (Numbers 20:11).

8 Cool clear water

The Marty Robbins (“El Paso,” “Big Iron”) song “Cool Water” has the last line, “Cool clear water,” repeated twice.

Notes:

Studio recording: Ace (May 1972).

First performed: February 18, 1971, at the Capitol Theater in Port Chester, New York.

According to Hunter’s note in A Box of Rain,

Also known as “Pumpman” and “Moses”—I wrote this to the rhythm of the pump in Mickey Hart’s well.

It was titled “Pump Song” on the first Mickey Hart solo album, Rolling Thunder.