Hot Tubs
I absolutely love meeting and spending time with Duck Dynasty fans, but it can be pretty exhausting work. At most of my events, I spend anywhere from four to six hours taking photographs and signing autographs. At the end of the day, my head hurts and my body aches.
I’ve tried several ways to unwind and relax on the road. I’ve tried yoga, stretching, running in place, meditation (that was kind of scary), taking a bath, and working out. It’s probably the perfect time for a glass of wine or a cocktail to calm me down, but I quit drinking alcohol after I returned home from Vietnam. I haven’t had a drink in more than thirty years.
After an event in South Carolina in 2015, I was completely spent, mentally and physically. My buddy Phillip McMillan was with me on the trip. I told him, “I’m worn out. I’m taking a hot shower and going to bed.”
“Hey, let’s go relax in the hot tub,” he said.
“Ha! Hot tub,” I said. “Naw.”
Hey, I had a certain phobia about hot tubs. When I was a kid, we didn’t have indoor plumbing in our log cabin home. There was a big tub outside, and my mother would fill it with hot water for us take a bath. Since I was the youngest boy, I was usually the last one to take a bath—after each of my older brothers: Jimmy Frank, Harold, Tommy, and Phil.
Hey, you wouldn’t believe what they left in the water for me! They would play practical jokes on me every time. I’d find frogs, lizards, garter snakes, and fish in the tub. As soon as I felt something crawling up my leg, I ran into the house in my birthday suit!
After we moved into a house with the luxury of indoor plumbing, I wasn’t interested in taking a bath outside anymore. Nowadays, I’ll jump into a swimming pool to cool off every once in a while, but only if I can see what is hanging out on the bottom. I’ve stayed away from hot tubs.
“What’s a hot tub do?” I asked Phillip.
Hey, I’ll admit I didn’t know how a hot tub works. My nephew Willie has one at his house, and I’d seen him in it, but I assumed he was the one making the bubbles!
“It has high-powered jets and they’re very relaxing,” Phillip said. “You’ll sleep like a baby after a few minutes in a hot tub.”
I agreed to give it a try, and Phillip let me borrow a pair of his shorts. Security officers escorted us to a private hot tub, and we jumped in. Immediately, I felt relaxed. I could feel the jets working on the sore muscles in my back and legs. A sign next to the hot tub said we were supposed to use it for only twenty minutes, but we stayed for more than an hour.
By the time I climbed out of the hot tub, I was so relaxed that I could barely walk. Every muscle in my body was asleep! I could even hear my hamstrings snoring! I’m sure I looked pretty silly walking back to my room, holding up oversized shorts with one hand and my tea glass with the other.
Hey, I slept like a baby that night. I counted only three cows jumping over a fence before I was snoring. I slept for twelve straight hours that night. The only reason I woke up was because Phillip was pounding on my door.
“Hey, that hot tub really made me relax,” I said. “Every muscle in my body went to sleep and they’re still asleep! I gotta get me one of those things.”
When we returned home to West Monroe, Louisiana, I called my friend John Carter at the Pool Place. “John, bring me one of those hot tubs,” I said.
John and his crew set up a hot tub on the back deck of my new house. Christine and I use it almost every day. It really helps us relax and wind down.
A few months after I purchased the hot tub, I was standing in the kitchen and saw thick black smoke coming from the woods behind our house. The fire was close enough to put my house in danger. I picked up the telephone and dialed 911.
“Hey, the woods behind my house are on fire,” I said. “What on earth do I do?”
“Just take a deep breath, sir,” the operator said. “Try to settle down and relax.”
“Okay,” I said, taking a few deep breaths. “I’m relaxed.”
“Great,” the operator said. “Where are you now?”
“I’m sitting in my hot tub with a glass of iced tea,” I said.