When I see Zoe and Jace hugging on the Fowlers’ back porch, I’m immediately uneasy. They totally just had a heart to heart about me, I know it. And what’s worse? It looks like he’s got Zoe on his side now. Spinning back around, I decide I need a moment to gather myself. If they see me, they’ll know I caught them. And I don’t want to have a deep conversation with either of them right now.
The date with Clayton was… okay. I’m not really sure how to characterize it. He wanted to take me out in Brockton, but I didn’t want him driving all the way up here for me because really I was just doing this so he’d get off my back. Well, maybe I want to prove to myself that I can see other guys. Maybe if I have a new boyfriend, I won’t fall for Jace. Yeah, I’m not even going to try to lie to myself. If I’m seeing someone else, things will have to stay platonic between me and Jace. And with Clayton practically begging me to give him a chance, he seems the perfect candidate.
I borrowed Gran’s car and we met at a little French bistro in a town halfway between Denver and Brockton. Amelia’s strange warning echoed a little throughout our dinner date. But really, she wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know. If she was trying to hint that his feelings for me weren’t real – that they were based on some high school rivalry with Jace – well, I was already clued in. And though she didn’t come off as petty like Madeline Brescoll or crazy like Savannah Hawkins, I’m aware that plenty of girls hide their jealousy well.
So yeah, we had a nice dinner, and he was really quite the gentleman. It felt all sophisticated, dressing up, having a three-course meal, and chatting about things besides the latest frat party or hook-up scandal. Not that I’d been on any real first dates before, but it felt nice. He walked me to my car, kissed me on the cheek, and that was that. It wasn’t awkward or anything, but it wasn’t exactly electric either.
I know my views on these things are a little unrealistic after Jace, so maybe having that kind of chemistry right away isn’t that important. Jace and I had been friends since we were in diapers, so we were bound to have a different dynamic. And Ryan and I had good chemistry too, but so much of that was because of our shared passion for running and our apparently mutual hero worship of each other’s running résumés. I think that was a little skewed as well.
I want to talk to someone about what I’m feeling, but I’m not sure if Zoe will understand. She saw how I was when Jace broke up with me at the beginning of college, and her biggest priority is protecting me from heartbreak. So the lack of chemistry might make her think Clayton is safe for me, and I’m less likely to get hurt if he dumps me.
Ugh.
This is so confusing.
“Pepper? Are you okay? You are, like, totally spacing out.” Dana Foster’s voice pierces through my haze, and I realize I’m leaning against a wall, completely absorbed in my own head. I can be a real weirdo sometimes.
“Oh, hi Dana.” I stand up straighter, and then see her sidekick, Tina Anderson, is standing beside her. “Hey Tina. How’s it going?” I’ve seen them around a few times this summer, and it’s no surprise they’re here tonight.
Tina and Dana exchange a secretive glance and then they’re tugging my arm and telling me they want to ask me about something. They pull me down the hall until we’re away from the rest of the party.
It’s hard to believe they’ve already heard about my date with Clayton. One of the other reasons I wanted to meet somewhere else was to avoid girls like Dana and Tina hearing about it and bugging me for details. But when Dana opens her mouth, it’s not what I expect.
“So, we were wondering, is anything going on with you and Jace?”
Before I can answer, Tina jumps in. “We know you guys broke up, like, a while ago, but we haven’t heard about him hooking up with anyone else, so we just wanted to make sure before we…” She drifts off and my stomach clenches. Are they kidding me?
“Before you…?” I have to ask. I just can’t help myself.
“You know, see if he wants to have some fun with the two of us tonight?”
A sick feeling washes over me but I regain my composure before giving myself away. Tina and Dana have a reputation, after all, and I shouldn’t be shocked.
“Um, no, we aren’t together, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Do you know if he’s with someone else? Because he really isn’t being very receptive, and I swear, I don’t think he’s hooked up with anyone this summer.”
“Or last!” Tina practically whines. Like Jace is some prize, and it’s his job to keep the college girls in Brockton happy. For the first time, I feel kind of bad for Jace that he has to deal with all this attention. Especially if it’s unwanted, which I really hope is the case.
“I’m not really sure,” I tell them. I’m at a loss about how to handle these two. They’ve always driven me nuts with their social climbing agendas, but haven’t they grown up at all since high school? Can’t they see that their questions are insensitive and rude? Or maybe they’re trying to make a point of some sort.
“Look, I’ve got to go,” I say, suddenly overwhelmed. The inside of the Fowler home feels cramped and stuffy and I’m dying to get out of here. I burst through the front doors and before I can think it through, I’m driving back to Shadow Lane and changing into running clothes. Leaving Dave at home, since he already ran with me this morning, I take the bike path, which has some sporadic lighting, better than nothing and an improvement over just my headlamp.
There’s too much panic and confusion coursing through me as I practically sprint down the path. It’s heightened by the guilt I feel for trying to run through it. I haven’t done this in a long time. Running on impulse like this isn’t always healthy, especially at night, and when I’m already on a pretty demanding college training regime. But as I continue to move forward, and my legs find a rhythm in the summer night, my thoughts become less erratic and I begin to feel more centered.
I try to sort through what’s bothering me. I went on a date. With a guy who is really hot, and seems to really like me, even if his interest in the past was a little sketchy. He’s a somewhat famous athlete, so that’s a little disconcerting, but I’ve dealt with this kind of thing before.
Yet, when I told him I didn’t want to meet in Brockton because his fame would attract attention, he seemed pleased by my response. Pleased in a way that said he really likes that he attracts attention. Jace has never been happy about the way he pulls people in and turns heads. He’s good at it, and acts like it doesn’t bother him, but he’d rather be inconspicuous. So yeah, Clayton’s a little different in that way. Plus, when I learned on our date that he played for a AAA team in Austin, Texas last season, he seemed surprised I hadn’t followed his career, and even a little offended. Maybe once you reach that level of fame, you just assume everyone from your hometown is paying attention. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with that assumption. Still, it kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
I decide I’ll give Clayton another chance. One more date, and then I’ll know if I’m into him or not. It’s not fair to compare him to Jace off the bat like this, and it went well for a first date. The way he listened to me intently was really sweet, and he did rescue me from Savannah Hawkins not once, but twice, back when I was a senior in high school. He’s a good guy.
Having resolved that, I feel better as I turn around and jog home. I’m still uneasy about Dana, Tina, and other girls. What does it mean that he hasn’t been with any of them? And why do I care so much?