He hadn’t heard her correctly. He’d spent a great deal of time that day reining in his inappropriate thoughts, wishing that one of the not-so-subtle propositions he’d received had come from this very woman. And now he was misinterpreting her statement. Or worse, imagining her words.
Conscious of just how close they sat, he had to force his thoughts away from leaning closer, stealing a kiss. “You were jealous?”
She looked away for a moment before nodding.
“Because…?”
She kept her gaze averted, and he allowed his eyes to trace along the line of her slender throat. Her hair was still bound, and his thoughts turned to snagging the pins that kept it up and watching as the mass tumbled down around her shoulders. And damn him if it didn’t occur to him again just how much Amelia reminded him of the barmaid Molly.
But despite that stray thought, it was painfully evident to him how much he wanted this woman.
“It was difficult enough to admit the first time.”
He wasn’t about to make assumptions, not about this. “I must insist. This is too important a subject for misunderstandings.”
She fidgeted, twining her fingers together in her lap. Her reticence had him thinking that perhaps he wasn’t losing his mind as he’d feared.
She took a deep breath and met his gaze. “You know my age.”
“You are five and twenty.”
She nodded. “Well and truly on the shelf.”
The pieces of a puzzle were beginning to form in his mind. Still, he wasn’t about to leap to conclusions.
She closed her eyes for a moment, and John assumed she’d decided against continuing with their conversation. He could only imagine how difficult it had been for her to reveal as much as she already had. Still, he couldn’t allow his attraction to Amelia to sway his actions. Before anything could happen between them, he had to know that she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
She straightened her shoulders and met his gaze again. “I am old enough now to know my own mind. I know that I might never have a husband and children, but that doesn’t mean I can’t know the physical side of what happens between a man and a woman.”
His heart rate increased, and a haze of lust threatened to rob him of his senses. It took an immeasurable amount of willpower not to take her into his arms. “Are you actually asking me…?” He couldn’t finish the question. He wanted this too much, and he wouldn’t dishonor her by forcing his attentions on her. Amelia, with her avid curiosity, could very well be asking him to share his experiences with her. She was a writer, after all, and perhaps she just wanted to know details about the physical side of love.
Her gaze didn’t waver from his. “I would like you to make love to me.”
Blood pounded in his ears, and for a moment he was incapable of thought or speech.
“Please don’t make me ask again.”
He didn’t know what to say. His first instinct was to grab hold of her and give her what he’d never imagined she wanted. Show her how good it could be between a man and a woman. Not that he actually knew himself. His own experiences had been brief encounters, and more than a few of them had ended with the exchange of coin. Still, he knew there was more to it than the quick rutting that constituted most of his experience. He wanted to explore that side of lovemaking with her so much he ached. He would be slow and careful—
Amelia looked away and stood. He followed automatically, confused when she stumbled backward.
“Please, forget I said anything. It’s clear you don’t think of me that way.”
He laughed, a short staccato burst of sound. He had no words for how ridiculous he found her statement. She took it the wrong way, however, and turned to flee from the room.
She had to run past him, however, and he took hold of her arm before she could escape.
“You don’t have to laugh at me. You could have just said no. Made one of those polite excuses you no doubt used when all those other women propositioned you.”
“Stop, Amelia.”
Her eyes widened, and she ceased trying to pull away. Her name on his tongue had surprised her.
He released her arm. “I am not laughing at you.”
She crossed her arms beneath her chest, and it took all his strength not to follow the movement when the action served to push up her breasts.
“It sounded like a laugh to me.”
He smiled. She was adorable in her anger. How could she believe he thought her request ridiculous?
“I laughed because I’d imagined being with you many times, especially today when you stopped hiding from me. But I’d convinced myself it wasn’t possible.”
His admission served to ease some of her anger, but he didn’t think she believed him.
“Because you don’t think of me that way?”
He shook his head. “I just told you that I do think of you in that way… often.”
She took a deep breath, and this time he couldn’t stop himself from glancing down to the enhanced display of her charms before he dragged his gaze back up to her face.
“Does that mean you’ll…?”
When she took another deep breath, he couldn’t help but wonder if she was trying to kill him.
“What it means is that I would like nothing more than to satisfy your curiosity.” He almost groaned aloud at his horrible choice of words. “But we both know it isn’t possible. I’m your protector, and I won’t use you in such a manner.”
But he could marry her.