6

“I wish Mama would let us walk to school.” JJ shrugged out of his bookbag and sat on it at our bus stop.

“It’s farther than you think,” I said. “You’d get tired.”

“Nuh-uh.” JJ put his head in his hands, bottom lip sticking out in a pout.

“Don’t sulk,” I said.

“I’m not!” he whined.

“Why walk when you can take a tap tap?” Caleb said.

JJ lifted his head from his hands. “Tap tap?”

Caleb flopped down beside JJ on the grass. I stayed standing, trying to look bored instead of like I was listening.

“Yes, a tap tap is a Haitian taxi. It’s actually a pickup truck. You can crowd around twenty people hip to hip in the back of these trucks. When you want the driver to go or stop, you either shout or bang the side of the truck with your hand. The banging is how the tap tap got its name.”

“Why would anyone want to ride in a crowded truck?”

“Because it can be many miles to where you want to go. So you have to decide. Would you rather walk the entire way? Or share a ride with other good people who are traveling?”

JJ looked like he was thinking hard. “Maybe a tap tap wouldn’t be so bad.”

“And maybe the school bus won’t be bad, either?” Caleb asked.

“No.” JJ’s face split into a smile. “But the bus driver would poop his pants if we all beat on the side of the bus when it pulled into school!”

Then he rolled on the ground, laughing at using the word “poop” like only a five-year-old can.

“JJ, pull yourself together. You can’t be laughing about poop on the bus,” I warned.

“He’s only having fun,” Caleb said.

“And you’ve never ridden on McPherson’s bus,” I told him. “But then you’ve never ridden on a ‘tap tap’ either, have you? Yet you know all about them.”

“My parents were missionaries,” Caleb said.

“Yeah, I heard their talk at church. Missionaries in Minnesota.”

Caleb’s face turned red and he looked away. But I didn’t want him to look away. I wanted him to fight. I wanted him to give me one good reason to hate him as much as I did.

“So if you want to go around pretending that they’ve done something really impressive, that’s your business. Just don’t go making up lies for my brother.”

“Hey!” JJ said, and stopped rolling. “She doesn’t mean that, Caleb. She’s been grouchy ever since my daddy left.”

“Grouchy? I’ve been grouchy? JJ, I’m the one that’s always there. I’m the one who never complains when you all turn to me for everything. I haven’t been grouchy!”

The bus pulled up. I heard the swish-bang of the door opening but I didn’t move. I waited for JJ to laugh or hug me or say he misunderstood but both he and Caleb looked at me like they felt sorry for me.

“It’s now or never,” Mr. McPherson yelled. Caleb put one hand on JJ’s shoulder and they moved together like that, climbing up the bus steps.

I followed, not really sure what had happened back there. It felt like one minute I was dressed and the next I was standing outside in my underpants.

All grades rode the same bus and Mr. McPherson’s rules were that the younger you were, the closer you sat to the front. JJ had to sit in the second row with the little kids. Since Caleb hadn’t ridden McPherson’s bus before, I said, “Come on. We’re closer to the back.” I didn’t like being so far from JJ but he was already talking to the boy next to him.

Our stop is the last one so the seats are always pretty full. I slid in next to Lindsay. Lindsay is nice, clean, and her size takes up more than half the bus seat, but she’s not what you’d call fat. She’s not someone anyone seeks out to be friends with but she’s always nice to you when you need a seat or homework assignment. I tried to ignore Caleb but he sat right in front of me so it wasn’t easy. I also tried to ignore what JJ had just said to me. I was the only stable one in our family and I knew it.

Lindsay asked, “How do you like seventh grade? Last year was awesome, being the oldest kids in the building. But there’s a lot to be said about having a whole building full of new people, don’t you think?” I just nodded once in a while so as not to appear rude. I was jolted back to reality when she whispered, “Caleb doesn’t usually get on our bus. Did he move into your neighborhood?”

“Uh, yeah, for a little while,” I mumbled. We pulled up to the elementary school. That’s when I heard it: JJ was tapping on the window. Caleb was doing the same. Tap, tap, tapping on his window. JJ looked at him like he was the best person in the world and I didn’t get it. But I loved seeing the smile that lit up JJ’s face like it was Christmas morning. And it made me wonder, just a little, if maybe Caleb’s storytelling wasn’t so bad.

With a quick wave to me and Caleb, JJ got off the bus. Then it pulled to our stop for me to begin another day at Hickory Junior-Senior High School.

I didn’t see Ellen until lunch. I walked into the cafeteria and she was waiting in our usual spot, the table beneath the “Save Haiti” banner that told how you could donate your old glasses or shoes to the earthquake victims. I slowed down. The earthquake had been January of last year and the deadline for donations had passed but no one had taken the banner down yet. I’d wondered why Caleb was making up stories about Haiti. He saw this banner every day, too. It must have given him ideas.

Then I noticed Ellen’s hand waving like a windshield wiper—left, right, left, right—trying to get my attention. I waved back and hurried next to her.

“Don’t run,” she said, looking around.

“Huh? I didn’t run, I just came over.”

“It’s just that you want to look cool, you know, happy to see me but not like you’re trying to steal third base,” she said, and laughed. I didn’t. I just looked at her.

“Why the big wave if you didn’t want me to hurry over? What’s the big deal?”

“No big deal!” she said in a chirpy voice. “I just didn’t think you saw me.”

Then she bounced on her seat with excitement. “So, did your clothes fit?”

It took me a minute to remember the clothes she’d bought me. “Oh, yeah. Sure,” I lied, because I hadn’t tried them on. I changed the subject. “Hey, here’s a heads-up—there’s a pop quiz in math today.”

“A pop quiz? Oh, darn!” Ellen obsesses over her grades and I knew it would get her mind off the clothes and party.

“It’s not that hard. Not if you’ve studied.” I started to unroll the top of my lunch bag when Ellen pushed her tray away.

“How can I eat, now? Tell me what you remember.” She pulled out a notebook and pen.

So, hungry as I was, I pushed my lunch aside, too. “Let me think.” I tried to remember the exact math problems. When I looked up, though, all thoughts of numbers flew out of my head as Caleb caught my eye from across the room and smiled at me. I could feel my own eyes widen. “Please don’t let him come here, please don’t,” I prayed. I might as well have prayed to a Barbie doll for all God was listening because here came Caleb.

I realized just how bad Caleb would look to Ellen with his awful haircut and glasses sliding down his nose. And here he was, my worst nightmare, coming right toward me with a big smile on his face.

I scowled at him and turned completely sideways so that I faced Ellen, hoping he’d get the hint. “I can’t remember the problems but they weren’t too hard. You’re smarter than I am and I don’t think I missed any. I think you’ll be just fine. Are you going to eat your potato tots?” I was babbling and I knew it, but I so hoped Caleb had gotten the hint and walked away.

Ellen looked up first. Her eyes turned into slits. “What do you want?” she asked him.

Caleb didn’t say anything. I forced myself to look toward him. His smile was gone. He sat a lunch sack on the table, then left.

“Gross!” Ellen said. “What was that about?” She flipped both hands out toward the sack the same way you’d shoo a stinky stray dog. “Get that thing out of here!”

I picked up the sack and carried it to the trash can, peeking at it before I did. There was a peanut butter sandwich, a bag of chips, and a juice bottle. In other words, my lunch. That meant I had Caleb’s. He was just trying to exchange lunches, and instead he’d left without anything to eat.

*   *   *

Caleb, JJ, and I got off at our bus stop nearly eight hours after we got on. We trudged home, all of us too worn out from school to talk. I took my key out of my bookbag and opened the door.

“Mama?” I called. “We’re home.”

“She probably figured that out when she heard your voice, Ivy,” JJ said. He put his arms straight behind him so that his bookbag slid off his shoulders. He left it where it fell and headed toward the kitchen. Caleb hadn’t looked at me since we got on the bus. I didn’t know what to say to him so I walked to the stairway.

“Mama!” I called.

“She left a note.” JJ carried it along with a stack of cookies and a cup of milk. The note was already milk-stained so I grabbed it before it suffered more damage.

“Dear Kids, Things happened fast. Magdalena and Ed need me today. I’ll be off at six and will bring home dinner. Have a snack and do your homework. Love, Mom.”

“How far away is six?” JJ asked.

“Not long,” I fibbed. Six o’clock seemed forever away, especially if we had to wait that long to eat.

“Come, JJ,” Caleb said. “We’ll do our homework.”

“I’m in kindergarten!” JJ said. “I don’t have homework!”

“Isn’t this your home?” Caleb asked. “Homework is not just about school. It can be about taking care of your home. I’ll do my science and math in your room while you pick up your toys. Then we will both be doing homework.”

“Okay,” JJ said. “Race you!”

“Don’t run with milk!” I yelled, but it was too late. Splashes of white dotted the wooden floor. “That’s great. Just great!” I said. I walked into the kitchen and kicked the trash can. It toppled over, spilling wadded paper towels and coffee grounds across the floor.

I grabbed the can and said, “I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” with every item of trash I threw back into it. I wasn’t sure who I hated. It felt like I hated the world. When I got the trash picked back up, I grabbed the spray bottle of cleanser and a roll of paper towels from under the sink. I went into the living room to clean up the milk spills but the floor was gleaming. Caleb must have done it.

I squirted the floor, anyway. Because it’s my job to clean up messes. And because I wanted to squirt Caleb away. Squirt-squirt. “I hate you,” I said again, but deep down I knew it wasn’t Caleb I hated. Right then, I hated myself.