April 1, Wednesday

I wake before dawn as Luiz comes into the bedroom and sits on the bed next to me. I sit up and embrace him fiercely. “I can’t believe I slept at all. What happened? Are you all right?”

Luiz leans over and gently kisses me. “Actually nothing happened. We stayed in the park all night, but when we didn’t hear any news, we all went home. A false alarm, I guess.”

“Do you want something to eat, some café?”

“No thanks. I’m tired. Let’s sleep for a while.” He gets into bed and curls up behind me, drawing me close. I’m so relieved and the warmth of his body always calms me. We are both asleep in minutes.

We wake up when Carlos comes in and jumps on the bed. “Mamãe! Papai! Wake up. Are you going to work?”

I reach out to hug him close as he lies down on the bed between us. “No, querido, not today. We have to see what the day brings us. I think you kids will be staying home from school today. Let’s get something to eat?”

Carlos jumps up and pulls my arm to get me up. I smooth his hair and kiss his cheek. “How about something special for breakfast. Couscous, or tapioca with coconut?”

“Tapioca, tapioca, tapioca with coconut!” Carlos is jumping with excitement.

We are all in the kitchen, and I gather the ingredients on the counter as Luiz turns on the radio. At first there is only static, then a recorded announcement from the office of the president of Brazil. It is not Jango, but a new president, and his manner of speaking is overly fancy and hard to understand.

“Our whole nation has been squeezed by the forces that are now trying to overthrow the democratic regime and in the light of which we have made a peaceful and Christian evolution of our homeland, and upon the legalistic principles that drive all my actions I will act with the utmost energy against the insurgents, so that they will not be deceived by false defenders of democracy that are leading them to a real fight between brothers.”

There are a lot of words but they make no sense. There is static, then a voice saying this is Brazil’s new president, whose name is Castelo Branco, and the announcement is repeated again. We listen to it three times before Chico comes in the kitchen door.

Chico looks at Carlos. “Little guy, go over to our house and have breakfast with the other kids.” Carlos reluctantly heads out the back door.

The recorded announcement comes on the radio again and we listen in silence until Luiz turns it off. We all look at each other.

Luiz speaks first. “There may be a new president, but he isn’t in control. The Army generals have taken over the country. The revolution is now in our hands, to resist the military oppressors. I didn’t tell you this before, Eva, but we were told that if the military took over, we should go to protest at the Congress and they will provide us with arms. President Jango may have been removed from power, but there are still people in the Army who support him. So Chico and I have to go to Brasília to join the resistance.”

Tears stream down my cheeks as I look up at Luiz, sobbing. “Please don’t go there. It’s going to be very dangerous. Weapons, resistance . . . how can you win when they have all the power? They probably killed President Jango. Please, I’m begging you, stay home and safe, and then just see what happens.”

Luiz pulls me close in a lingering embrace. “I know you’re scared. We’re scared too. But this is our country, and because we love Brazil we have to go. You and Sónia and the kids stay inside.”

I sit at the kitchen table and it’s like a nightmare, Luiz and Chico speaking quietly with their heads close together, murmuring plans and putting food in a rucksack; and then they are gone, out the front door, and I wonder if we will ever see them again.

Time seems to stand still though the day passes from morning to evening and Sónia and I keep the kids occupied inside the house, reading and playing games. We don’t even let them play in the backyard. There is nothing on the radio except the recorded announcement that is broadcast over and over. I pray to myself, Please, God, keep Luiz and Chico safe. Please let there be peace in Brazil. I’m on the verge of crying all day.

After dark, Carlos is tucked into bed and sleeping soundly when I hear a car pull up outside. I hold my breath, hoping it’s not the police or other authorities with bad news. A sort of shuffling outside, and a knock on the door. Thank God, it’s Luiz. He comes in quietly and locks the door behind him, and I throw my arms around him and hug him so hard he gasps for breath.

“It’s okay, querida. I’m all right. I know you’re worried but everything’s okay.”

I step back to look at him and make sure there’s nothing wrong, searching his eyes and caressing his face. “Do you want some café?”

“No, just a drink of water.” We sit at the kitchen table and he quietly tells me the story of his day.

“We got to the Esplanade of Ministries, but our vehicles couldn’t even get close because the whole area was cordoned off by the military. There were several tanks rolling back and forth between us and the blocked-off area. We pulled back to the W3 residential zone and stayed at a comrade’s apartment. We went up on the roof of his building and had enough cover to not be noticed, but we could see military and even some guys not in uniform patrolling the streets.”

“But Luiz, how did you get home? How could you know it was safe to go out on the streets?”

“Well, it really wasn’t safe. We had comrades out surveilling what was going on and coming back to the apartment to update us. A couple of them went to the prearranged meeting place outside the capital where they were supposed to be holding arms for us and it was completely deserted, just an empty warehouse.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m glad there wasn’t a stash of weapons available to you guys. Besides, how could you possibly have prevailed against the force of the military?”

“Well, you’re right about that, of course. I didn’t say anything to the rest of the guys, but I think there was someone on the inside who betrayed us, maybe sold the weapons and took the money.”

He takes a big drink of water and begins his story again. “They say Jango is still alive and that he fled to exile in Uruguay. That’s probably where a lot of resistance guys will end up, trying to wait things out.”

I lean over and reach up to hold his face between my hands. He turns to me and doesn’t look away. “Please, Luiz, I’m begging you. Please don’t try to fight against these people. I love you so much, and Carlos and I need you. Please don’t do anything to risk your life.”

He takes my hands in his. “Querida, the movement is going to lay low for a while, to see if the generals call for new elections and step down. But I can’t let this travesty of justice continue if they don’t. I need you to understand that I won’t tell you what is going on, for your own protection. And please don’t ask me.”

I look deep in his eyes and nod, unable to speak because of the lump in my throat. Tears don’t come because I will respect his passion and commitment and do my best to help us all survive this horrible time.

Luiz rises from his chair and lifts me toward him, and we are kissing like the very first night we spent together, desperate with love mixed with fear and uncertainty for the future, pulling and grasping and aching, and then falling asleep next to each other.