March 14, Sunday

The first light of dawn seeps in my bedroom window. Luiz went out Friday morning and hasn’t come home. He told me he’d be back in time for dinner. It’s silly, I know, but somehow I think if I act normal then everything will go back, time will re-spool and all the horrible things will go away, and if I don’t act normal it’s bad luck. I repeat silent prayers for his safe return home. I feel ready to snap, like the blood vessels in my neck are about to explode.

Carlos and Junior get up early and join me in the kitchen. They don’t say anything but I can feel their anguish. I make them tapioca with coconut as a special treat for breakfast but they just pick at it. I put the dishes in the sink and the boys sit at the table without moving.

“Why don’t you guys go play with your cousins?” I try to make my voice bright.

Carlos looks up from the table. “Mãe, I want to be here when Papai comes home.”

I hug him. “I’ll come get you immediately. Go ahead, I’ll stay here.”

I busy myself ferociously cleaning the kitchen, putting all the furniture on the veranda and scrubbing the floor. I take down the curtains and put them in the sink to wash, and wash the windows inside and out. I take everything out of the refrigerator and defrost the freezer, empty and re-stock all the cabinets, lining up the cans and jars in perfect order.

I dust everything in the living room and take the pillows from the sofa outside on to the front veranda to shake them. When I go to step back into the house I notice there’s something on the welcome mat, and I lean over to see what it is. At first I’m not certain, but then my blood runs cold. It is a wedding ring. I feel everything going black and my vision narrowing, and I hold on to the door jamb to steady myself, sliding down to sit on the mat.

I take deep breaths and run through explanations in my mind. Then I pick the ring up and examine it. Inside is etched “Eva”. It’s Luiz’s wedding ring. Mine has “Luiz” inscribed inside. A howl comes from somewhere I don’t recognize, along with an ocean of tears.

Chico comes running out his front door. “Eva, what is it?”

I hand him the ring, speaking between sobs. “Luiz’s wedding ring. I found it on the front doormat. Now there’s no doubt.”

Chico’s voice is trembling. “Oh my God, Eva.”

“This time I’m going to report him missing. I know they won’t do anything to help me but I want it on the record. The boys know Luiz hasn’t been home for two days and soon I will tell them he’s officially missing. But I won’t tell them about the ring.” I let out a deep breath. I can’t tell Chico about the shadowy figure’s warning in January, because I promised to keep it between me and Luiz.

“We can’t lose hope, Eva. I agree with your plan. Is there anyone besides the police who might be able to help?”

I shake my head, but he’s given me an idea.