August 17, Monday

Carlos, Kai and I sit in the living room waiting for Michael to arrive. Carlos’s bags are packed and waiting next to the front door.

“I wish I could go with you, Carlos.” Kai’s voice cracks.

“Mom, are you still determined to go back to Brazil next month?” Carlos looks to me for a response.

“Yes, querido. And please don’t say anything to Michael; I will tell him soon but I haven’t yet.”

Kai looks puzzled. “Mom, is Michael going to come with us to Brazil?”

I think for a moment before answering his question. “Michael and I have only known each other for three months. He has a well-established life here.”

Carlos gives me a serious look. “Mom, you love him. I can tell. You’ve been alone for ten years. Don’t worry about what people think.”

I smile. “I only care about what you guys think. I’m glad you approve. Life makes a lot of twists and turns, so who knows?”

Our conversation ends when Michael pulls into the driveway. Carlos puts his suitcases in the trunk and we all pile into the car for the trip to the airport. After seeing Carlos off at the gate and watching his plane take off, we stop at Italian Pizzeria in Chapel Hill and take a large pie home for a late lunch.

Kai and Michael finish putting away the dishes and I give Kai a hug. “Are you okay? It’s so hard for us to say goodbye to Carlos.”

He puts on a brave smile. “I’ll be okay. I’m gonna go shoot some hoops with the guys.”

“Will you be okay if I’m not here tonight?”

He scoffs. “Please, Mom. I’m gonna watch TV and eat the leftover pizza. I’m sixteen years old, Mom.”

“Okay, if you’re sure. If you need me I’ll be at Michael’s, you have the phone number.”

“Yeah, Mom. Have fun and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Michael and I open a bottle of wine at his place and sit on the sofa while he plays his guitar and sings. American jazz standards, folk songs, Beatles ballads. His mellow tenor is simple, with no vibrato, and it pulls me in every time, a perfect counterpoint to his artistry on the strings.

When he takes a break I get the courage to tell him about my plans. “Michael, I need to talk to you about something.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Oh?”

“I’ve been making plans to go back to Brazil for some time. Only Kai and Carlos know about it. I haven’t told Nora. I wanted to tell you first.”

He puts his guitar to the side and moves closer to me but doesn’t say anything.

“I didn’t tell you sooner because it felt like I would be pushing you into being serious about me. We’ve only known each other for three months.”

“It’s not a push, it’s a pull. Like gravity. Like the moon.”

“Michael, I do love you. But I can’t expect you to abandon your life and dreams here in the US. It would be too quick.”

He looks serious. “Eva, you’re forty-three years old. I’m thirty-six. We’re not kids. When you know something is good, you have to go for it. But I’m the one feeling like I’m pushing now. First, tell me about your plans.”

I take a breath. “I’ve always dreamed of having my own restaurant. Originally I planned to specialize in the traditional food of the Northeast of Brazil, which would be revolutionary in itself because it’s considered poor people’s food and never served in fine restaurants. But cooking at Alice has broadened my vision. So it will be a mix of the traditional and fresh local ingredients in season.”

“Does your restaurant have a name?”

“Jah-shee, spelled J-a-x-i, accent on the second syllable. It’s the word for moon in the indigenous language Guarani.”

“Very cool name. Where in Brazil?”

“A city on the coast, João Pessoa, the capital of the state of Paraíba, where I grew up. It’s a beautiful place on a shallow bay, seven degrees below the equator. Very green with lots of palm trees.”

Michael is very quiet. “So, when will you and Kai leave?”

This is hard. “The end of September. I’ll give Nora notice next week. I have to sell a lot of stuff, because Kai and I are going to travel light.”

Michael puts his hand on my cheek and looks deeply at me with his bottomless blue eyes. “Can I come visit?”

I start to cry. “Of course, I want you to! Just give me time to get settled and get the restaurant open.”

“Do you have enough money for such a big investment?”

I laugh. “The cruzeiro is worth almost nothing and the dollar is strong. I’ve been saving all these years, so this is the right time. Also, I made a promise to help bring to light the abuses people like my husband Luiz suffered under the military, and the time is right for that too.”

Michael is very quiet and we go to bed early, curled up together, each wrapped in our own thoughts.