CHAPTER THREE

Values . . .

When I first met my wife—she was the girl Friday on this talk show in San Francisco. They brought me on this show to do 1,000 push-ups. And that’s where we first met . . . She didn’t fall in love with my muscle. She fell in love with my brain.

—JACK LALANNE, 20TH-CENTURY AMERICAN FITNESS AND NUTRITIONAL EXPERT

A heaven on earth I have won by wooing thee.

—WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE,
ALL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL

For thy sweet love remember’d such wealth brings,
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

—WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, SONNET XXIX

No matter how much money you have, you’ve got nothing if you can’t trust somebody as close to you as I am.

—LOUISE BROWN (JULIANNA MARGULIES),
NEWTON BOYS

In marriage do thou be wise: Prefer the person before money, virtue before beauty, the mind before the body; then thou hast a wife, a friend, a companion, a second self.

—WILLIAM PENN, 17TH-/18TH-CENTURY AMERICAN
QUAKER LEADER AND FOUNDER OF PENNSYLVANIA

Choose a wife by your ear than your eye.

—THOMAS FULLER, 17TH-CENTURY BRITISH AUTHOR

Look for a sweet person. Forget rich.

—ESTÉE LAUDER,
20TH-CENTURY AMERICAN COSMETICS TYCOON

No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before

marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first.

—CESARE PAVESE,
20TH-CENTURY ITALIAN WRITER

A wise lover values
not so much
the gift of the lover
as the love of the giver.

—THOMAS À KEMPIS, 14TH-/15TH-CENTURY
GERMAN ECCLESIASTICAL WRITER

You can’t appreciate h.ome till you’ve left it, money till it’s spent,

your wife till she’s joined a woman’s club.

—O. HENRY, 19TH-/20TH-CENTURY
AMERICAN WRITER, ROADS OF DESTINY

Whoever lives true life will love true life.

—ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING, 19TH-CENTURY
BRITISH POET, SONNETS FROM THE PORTUGUESE

In vain is that man born fortunate, if he be unfortunate in his marriage.

—ANNE DACIER, 18TH-CENTURY FRENCH POET

My boat is of ebony,
The holes in my flute are golden.

As a plant takes out stains from silk
So wine takes sadness from the heart.

When one has good wine,
A graceful boat,
And a maiden’s love
Why envy the immortal gods?

—LI TAI-PO, 8TH-CENTURY CHINESE POET,
“SONG ON THE RIVER”

If thou must love me, let it be for naught
Except for love’s sake only. Do not say,
“I love her for her smile—her look—her way—
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day”—
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may

Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity’s wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love’s sake, that evermore
Thou mayest love on, through love’s eternity.

—ELIZABETH BARRETT BROWNING, 19TH-CENTURY
BRITISH POET, SONNETS FROM THE PORTUGUESE

The moral man will find the moral law beginning in the relation between husband and wife, but ending only in the vast reaches of the universe.

—CONFUCIUS, ANCIENT CHINESE PHILOSOPHER AND
FOUNDER OF CONFUCIANISM

I don’t want to be worshipped. I want to be loved.

—TRACEY LORD (KATHARINE HEPBURN),
PHILADELPHIA STORY

. . . And Lack Thereof

I want a wedding at the Waldorf
With Champagne and caviar.
I want a wedding like the Vanderbilts’ had,
Everything big, not small.
If I can’t have that kind of wedding,
I don’t want to get married at all.

—AMERICAN FOLK SONG

It isn’t that I give a hoot about jewelry. Except diamonds, of course.

—HOLLY GOLIGHTLY (AUDREY HEPBURN),
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S

All my life, ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always had the same dream—to marry a zillionaire.

—LOCO (BETTY GRABLE),
HOW TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE

The only sort of man most women want to marry is the fella with a will of his own—made out in her favor.

—BRENDAN BEHAN, 20TH-CENTURY IRISH
PLAYWRIGHT AND AUTHOR

No longer will I play the field. The field stinks . . . both economically and socially.

—HOLLY GOLIGHTLY (AUDREY HEPBURN),
BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY’S

Sharing the Love

This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more they possess.

—RAINER MARIA RILKE,
20TH-CENTURY GERMAN POET

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle,

and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.

—BUDDHA

They do not love that do not show their love.

—WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE,
THE TWO GENTLEMEN OF VERONA

Love ever gives,
Forgives, outlives,
And ever stands
With open hands.

And, while it lives,
It gives.
For this is Love’s prerogative—
To give and give and give.

—JOHN OXENHAM,
20TH-CENTURY BRITISH POET

I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.

—MOTHER TERESA,
20TH-CENTURY CATHOLIC MISSIONARY

The love you take is equal to the love you make.

—THE BEATLES, “THE END,” ABBEY ROAD

Sharing the Wealth

Yet I would not have all yet.
He that hath all can have no more;
And since my love doth every day admit
New growth, thou shouldst have new rewards in store;
Thou canst not every day give me thy heart.
If thou canst give it, then thou never gavest it;
Love’s riddles are, that though thy heart depart,
It stays at home, and thou with losing savest it:
But we will have a way more liberal
Than changing hearts, to join them; so we shall
Be one, and one another’s all.

—JOHN DONNE, 17TH-CENTURY
BRITISH POET AND CLERGYMAN

A man who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

—GROUCHO MARX,
20TH-CENTURY AMERICAN ACTOR AND COMEDIAN

Ne’er take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.

—BENJAMIN FRANKLIN

Give all in love;
Obey thy heart;
Friends, kindred, days,
Estate, good fame,
Plans, credit, and the Muse,
Nothing refuse.
’Tis a brave master,
Let it have scope:
Follow it utterly,
Hope beyond hope:
High and more high
It dives into noon,
With wing unspent
Untold intent;
But it is a god,
Knows its own path
And the outlets of the sky.

It was never for the mean;
It requireth courage stout.
Souls above doubt,
Valor unbending. It will reward,
They shall return
More than they were,
And ever ascending . . .
Give all in love

—RALPH WALDO EMERSON,
19TH-CENTURY AMERICAN POET
AND ESSAYIST, “GIVE ALL IN LOVE”

If I were a king what would
I do?
I’d make you a queen, for I’d
Marry you.

—VERSE FROM A VICTORIAN CARD

The only gift is a portion of thyself.

—RALPH WALDO EMERSON, 19TH-CENTURY
AMERICAN POET AND ESSAYIST, ESSAY

Success

Success in marriage is much more than finding the right person; it is a matter of being the right person.

—B. R. BRICKNER, CONTEMPORARY AMERICAN RABBI

Every man who is happy is a successful man even if he has failed in everything else.

—WILLIAM LYON PHELPS, 20TH-CENTURY
AMERICAN WRITER, CRITIC AND EDUCATOR

Won 1880. One 1884.

—WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN, AMERICAN LAWYER AND
POLITICIAN, INSCRIBED ON A RING HE GAVE HIS WIFE

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.

—WINSTON CHURCHILL

The crowning glory of loving and being loved is that the pair make no real progress; however far they have advanced into the enchanted land during the day they must start again from the frontier the next morning.

—SIR JAMES BARRIE, 19TH-/20TH-CENTURY SCOTTISH
NOVELIST AND PLAYWRIGHT

One doesn’t have to get anywhere in marriage. It’s not a public conveyance.

—IRIS MURDOCH, 20TH-CENTURY BRITISH NOVELIST

I have enjoyed the happiness of this world; I have lived and loved.

—FRIEDRICH VON SCHILLER,
20TH-CENTURY GERMAN WRITER

An immature person may achieve great success in a career but never in marriage.

—BENJAMIN SPOCK, 20TH-CENTURY AMERICAN
PHYSICIAN AND WRITER

Every man who is high up loves to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. It’s only our joke. Every woman knows that.

—SIR JAMES BARRIE, 19TH-/20TH-CENTURY SCOTTISH
NOVELIST AND PLAYWRIGHT