After the table was cleared of all but coffee, the moms each pulled out photos of their kids. As they proudly put their offspring on exhibit, Hattie shrank into herself. She’d not even thought about having kids, and now the others had crossed that line. Even Teresa would soon be on the other side of the gulf that separated her from them.
Another gulf. The things they used to share were no longer important to her friends. They have family now.
“So, Hattie,” Susan asked, “when are you going to thrill us by announcing you and Brad are getting married?”
“Say what?” She stared, unbelieving. “What makes you think I’d marry him?”
“Well, I remember how you always felt about him.” Susan raised an eyebrow. “And as far as I know, he’s still single.”
“Yeah. He’s single, all right. And likely to stay that way as far as I’m concerned.”
Beth said, “You’re not still crazy about him?”
“Crazy about him? In your dreams, Beth.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I mean, we all figured you two would get whatever problem you had worked out someday. Neither of you ever seemed right for anyone else.”
“Tell that to Mr. Big Shot Editor. He’s got all the women he can handle.”
Susan let out a shriek. “You don’t mean Sheila, do you? Are they an item now?”
Hattie realized she’d said too much. “Not really. I just meant he has other women he can rely on for what he needs.”
The look on their collective faces said they weren’t buying that little lie, but there was no way she could elaborate on it. She’d gone too far already.
Conversation reverted to the ‘good old days’ and how Hattie had once been their sparkplug. When one of them asked if she still had the cute mascot costume, she admitted she did. But when they began calling her Tigger, she knew it was time to get out of there.
“Hey, guys, it’s been great but I have to get back to the store. Lots to do. Maybe we can do this again.”
“Yeah,” Beth said. “Soon. How about once a month? That work for everyone?”
They agreed it would, so Beth volunteered to set a date and get back to them. Hattie left the group with hugs and kisses all around, and a wounded heart. Damn you, Brad.
* * *
Before the day was out, Brad had made arrangements to buy the Gazette and found a nice little apartment just a block from his new office. After stowing the few items he’d brought, he headed back to Leadburg to pack the rest of his belongings.
Amelia met him at the door. “Hi, dear. Ready for supper?”
“Yep. But I have to hurry. I’m moving my stuff to the new apartment tonight.”
“You have an apartment already?”
“Yes. I finalized the purchase of the Gazette today and managed to find an apartment nearby.”
“So you’re really going to live alone down there?”
“Actually there’ll be three of us. Me, myself, and I.”
“Cute, son. Real cute. What about Hattie?”
“What about her?”
“I thought you were going to fight for her.”
“It’s too late for that. She’s already found someone.”
“I don’t think so. You’re making a big mistake.”
“Maybe, but nothing like the mistake I made waiting all these years for her. I’m getting on with my life.”
He nibbled at the supper with the same lack of enthusiasm he’d displayed at breakfast. After a dozen bites, he jumped to his feet and hurried to his room. Within a half-hour he’d packed most of his things into the Jeep and was on his way back to Farmville.
Amelia cleared away the dishes and put her kitchen in order. Just as she was going upstairs, the phone rang. “Amelia, hi. Is Brad there?”
“No, Hattie. He’s gone.”
“Gone? What do you mean, gone?”
“For good, I think. He’s moved down to Farmville.”
“He moved away? Just like that?”
“Well, you know he sold the Express and bought the Gazette down there. Then he came home just long enough to pack his things. Said he had an apartment close to his new office.”
“I see. Well, I guess I won’t be able to talk to him.”
“I’m sorry, Hattie. I’d hoped...”
“Yeah. Me, too.”
Hattie hung up and stared out the store’s front window at the winter wonderland, wondering whether she’d ever have a chance to tell Brad what she’d been thinking. Just then, she glanced up into the old roll top desk that had been her dad’s. His Bible lay on an inner shelf, open and gathering dust. She’d never noticed it before.
She pulled it from its perch and dusted it off. There was a passage from Proverbs on the page highlighted. Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. Pride? Wasn’t that what Amelia accused her of?
Her eyes focused on the book again. There was a marker between the pages. On it, Harry had written — He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife.
More confirmation. Oh, no. Maybe she was guilty of pride and haughtiness. But what about Brad? She was about to head for home when the phone rang. She’d already started out the door but turned back and answered when it continued ringing.
“Hattie, Barry Goodnow here. Glad I caught you. Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Sure. I suppose. Why not?”
“Fine. We’ve discussed your latest counter offer and, despite some resistance from the home office, I’ve convinced them you’re serious. We can offer you the five-hundred-thousand.”
She was in no mood to dicker and groaned audibly. “I’m not interested in that figure, or any figure tonight. I may call you tomorrow.”
“Hattie? I thought you would be pleased.”
“Pleased? Me? You must be mistaking me for someone who really cares one way or the other, Mr. Goodnow. Now, if you have nothing more to say I’m going to hang up.”
“I wouldn’t do that, Miss McCall. You may think you have us over a barrel, but I can assure you that isn’t the case. I just gave you our final offer. We would like to build here in Leadburg, but it would be very easy for us to withdraw from your little town and build nearby, say in Farmville.
“If we did that, I can promise you we will put your—what did you call that dump? Podunk, right? We’ll put your little podunk store out of business.”
Taken aback, she froze. Was he serious? Was it the end of the line?
“Well, Miss McCall, what is it going to be?”
“I’ll have to think about it, Mr. Goodnow. I’ll call you back tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow at the latest, Hattie. I like you. I really do, but I have my limits, as I’m sure you can understand.”
“Tomorrow. I promise.” She hung up and headed outside.
Halfway to her car, the number registered. He’d met her original demand. She must have been out of her mind. I should just call him back and accept.
But she had to think this through.
* * *
Two hours later, Hattie was sitting at her kitchen table trying to get down a bowl of canned stew She’d hardly eaten anything for two days other than the luncheon at Neil’s with the girls. It was almost like chewing dirt as she swallowed another bite of the stew.
The image that played in her memory over and over was Brad walking away from her in the school corridor after she’d refused to go to the prom with him. Now she had a fresh image to go with the old one, this time, of him dashing down the stairs and out the door.
She couldn’t blame him for being angry. It was her fault. All her own darn fault. She’d been too proud to listen to him. Dried eyes that rained tears when she first arrived home suddenly spilled over with a fresh supply. Her heart seemed ready to burst from the longing inside. “Oh Brad, if only I’d known...”
Her body ached for the feel of his long arms around her, holding her close, his lips on hers—his voice saying softly that he loved her.
A touch of guilt stirred as she recalled Sheila in the back of that car. What made it more painful was that it had paralleled one of her fantasies with Brad. When she’d thought it was him with that blonde, it had been a stab to her heart. Even though it was kind of fast, she’d been jealous it wasn’t her in the car with him.
Hattie remembered the night she could have gone all the way with Tom. There had been times she’d thought she made a mistake by not going ahead and pleasing him. But, after today, she knew there was nobody in the world for her but Brad. And now she’d torpedoed that, big time.
Try as she might, she couldn’t get him out of her mind. Tiring of attempting to avoid it, she finally gave in. The image of him beating a rapid retreat slowly faded into an earlier one from their school days. Then, remarkably, her mind began to fill in details from even before that.
She remembered her first days in high school when everything about life had been so exciting. She could still recall the exhilaration of the moments when she first became aware of being more than a child. Of course, she’d had a much easier time of it than some of her classmates because of her diminutive size. Everyone acted like she was still a little kid; well, almost everyone. But not Brad.
From her first recollection of him, he’d treated her with respect. She still remembered those days in the high school band when they’d glance at each other from time to time. It was then that she’d been struck by his hazel eyes that seemed to smile even when his face was serious.
Her mind shuffled from memory to memory as the minutes ticked by. She sat with her eyes closed, almost afraid to breathe. A fleeting glimpse of her mother and father in church together teased her. Slowly, gradually, the image held and cleared until she could make out the details of Harry’s youthful face. He’d been so handsome with his dark wavy hair and bright blue eyes.
Before she could recall more details, the image faded. Hattie opened her eyes and stared around the office. Alone.
She was totally alone. But, for that one glorious moment, she’d not felt alone. Now, it was as though the room closed in around her.
The feeling of being totally isolated from the world was something she’d never had before and she didn’t like it one bit. A brief but chilling flash of imagination had her on her feet and headed for the door. For that instant, she’d seen herself as an old woman, shriveled and bent, living by herself; a kind of female, mid-American Scrooge. Hair stood out on her arms as she slipped into her jacket.
Without knowing where she was going, she started the car and put it in gear. As she moved slowly down the narrow street toward the business district, she passed the church. At this time of night it would be quiet in there. Probably locked tight.
She pulled to the curb and shut the engine off. After sitting there, looking at the dimly lit stained glass image of Christ for several minutes, she got out and went up to the door.
It was unlocked. She pushed it open and stepped inside. Feeling like an intruder, Hattie hesitated before going further. But something compelled her to move forward in spite of her reticence. A warm glow settled over her as she tiptoed across the foyer and into the sanctuary. She was alone in the church and yet...
She didn’t feel alone.
After staring at the window for several minutes, she moved to front and knelt at the altar rail. Dropping her head onto her arms, she rested. Those memories that were so fleeting earlier returned in full color. She could see her dad and mom clearly. Allene, with her lovely long strawberry blonde hair and such soft eyes, seemed to beckon to her.
“Oh, Mom, I miss you so much. Are you and Dad okay?”
Her voice echoed through the empty sanctuary. There was no answer, at least not an audible one. But in her heart, she was suddenly filled with a feeling of peace. Her question was answered. Without willing it, she began to pray.
Prayer had always been a daily routine in the McCall household. Even so, she hadn’t said a prayer in ten years. Not even on the day of Harry’s funeral did pray to the God she felt betrayed her. Now, her heart led the way. So full and yet so hurting, it could wait no longer to spill out what overwhelmed her.
“Oh, God, please hear my prayer. I haven’t been very faithful for all these years. Please forgive me. I’ve not given up on you or ceased believing in you. I guess I let my ego get in the way of my heart. And my pride, my dumb pride.
“Please take good care of Mom and Dad. I know you will. They always meant so much to me. And please watch over Amelia, too. She’s a wonderful lady and I love her like she’s my very own mother. About Brad, I need your help. I think you know how I feel about him, but I don’t know what to do. I think I may have lost him and I know it’s my own fault.
“I don’t know how to pray for you to help me overcome my stupid feelings. I know I shouldn’t be so impulsive, but I can’t seem to help myself. If it’s your will I go through life alone, or at least without Brad at my side, I guess I can accept that. But I pray that isn’t the case. Amen.”
Just as before, when the slight echo of her voice died away, there was no sound. She didn’t know whether to expect God to speak out in a physical voice. But the insidious pressure building inside for weeks seemed to be dissipating.
As she got to her feet, there was a lightness she hadn’t felt since she couldn’t remember when. And when she turned and headed for the outside door, something else was at work. An inner voice began to speak, something she wasn’t prepared for. Nevertheless, she stood still and listened as it reminded her of some of the wisdom Amelia shared. Then, there was something else.
Truth shall make you free. Find the truth and share it. Then you shall be truly free to live and love.
Still, there was silence in the church, but this time without the feeling of being alone. Somewhere deep inside, Hattie realized she would never be alone again. Secure in the knowledge she hadn’t been forsaken, she went back into the chill air and headed home with a song in her heart.
At home, she went to her closet and pulled out the bag with the old Leadburg Tigers mascot outfit. For long moments, she sat on the bed with the sealed bag beside her, her mind on those glorious days when she would become a tiger for a day. The teachers were good sports and didn’t complain when she wore it to class—so long as she refrained from wearing the head.
She unzipped the bag and carefully lifted the cloth tiger out. After laying it on the bed, she pulled the head out and placed it beside the body. Then she reached into the bottom of the bag and removed the paws, all four of them.
When Allene made something, anything, she did it right. This outfit, properly filled out, looked like a real tiger in every respect. Everybody had been impressed the first time Hattie wore it to school.
She turned on the vanity lamp and returned to the bedside. Would it still fit? That was the question Teresa had asked. She’d shrugged it off, changing the subject without answering. Because she was afraid it would remind her she was getting old? Or because it would bring back memories of Brad and his silly jokes about her being ‘Tigger’?
Hattie undressed slowly, not sure whether she was getting ready for bed or actually going to put the dumb thing on. When she was down to her undies, she lifted the costume and stepped into it. As she pulled the zipper up to her chin, she realized it still fit perfectly. Actually, better than it had when she’d been a giggly teenager. All the feminine curves of her more mature body made her look even more like a real tiger.
She sat down and worked the hind paws onto her feet. Made to look authentic, they were actually modified slippers. The front paws were made from a pair of cotton gloves, but when worn, looked just like feline paws. Right down to scary-looking claws.
Finally, she lifted the head and dropped it into place. Mom had had a time fabricating it so she could see out of it and move her head from side to side. When finished, it was quite realistic. She padded carefully back to the vanity and stared into the mirror.
“Rah! Rah! Sis boom bah!” she started the old cheer.
In the soft light, she gazed at the image of a petite animated tiger. There was no indication a human being occupied the fabric skin of the animal staring, glassy-eyed, back at her.
“Grrr!” she snarled, in her most tiger-like manner.
“Grrr!” the image snarled back at her.
“Are you a tiger or a Tigger?” she asked the image.
“I’m a tiger,” the image replied. “Don’t give me that Tigger business.”
“Right. Sorry.” She felt her face flaming inside the tiger’s head. Hattie yanked it off, mussing her hair badly. “This is stupid. Talking to myself like I’m crazy.”
Just before she unzipped and stepped out of the costume, she glanced back at the mirror to see the reflection of tears streaming down her cheeks. She repacked the outfit and closed the seal on the bag before putting it back where it had been for ten long years.
* * *
It was mid-morning before Hattie made her way to the store. By that time, Barry Goodnow had already called three times. Gerald was dying to know what was up. She invited him to her office and told him she was going to sell the lot and close the store.
“I’ll do my best to make sure all of you are given special consideration, Gerald. But I’m afraid that’s about the best I can do under the circumstances. I hope we won’t close until the new center is open. I feel so guilty about letting you guys down.”
“It’s okay, Miss Henrietta. Like I said before, we knew they had you between a rock and a hard place. We appreciate all you and your daddy have done for us through the years. How soon will this all take place?”
“Soon. Maybe today or tomorrow. At least I can see what they say about giving you first consideration for employment. Their reputation is good where employees are concerned.”
“Well, I guess this is it, then. Good luck, ma’am.”
“Thanks. I’ll need all the luck I can get.”
After he went back downstairs, she picked up the phone and dialed the number Goodnow had left. “Hello, Barry. It’s Henrietta McCall.”
“Good morning, Hattie. How are you today?”
“What?” Her mind had wandered, bringing up an image of the man she loved. “Oh, I’m feeling much better today.” She grimaced at her blatant lie.
“I’d like to finalize our position financially, Miss McCall, if you’re willing.”
She knew suddenly what she had to do. “Before we do that, I have one more question for you. Will it be possible for me to negotiate a favorable position for my employees here at the Mercantile? They’ve been with the store for a long time and I want to make sure they don’t lose their jobs.”
“Of course. We place a premium on good employees, as you may know. I’m confident we can include an employment clause in the sales contract, one you would find acceptable.”
“Good.” She’d been ready to tell him she’d sign on the dotted line. An image of Brad shaking his head and frowning clouded her mind. She had to talk to him before signing anything with Goodnow. “Now, before we get down to business, I need to talk to someone. It’s very important that I do that first.”
“I thought you were ready to proceed. Will it be today?”
“Yes. Today’s the day, one way or the other.”
“That would be good. I’m about to take up permanent residence here at the Inn.”
“Oh, I don’t think it calls for anything that drastic. I promise to talk to you later.”
She put down the phone and grabbed her jacket. It was time to find Brad and settle how she felt about him for once and for all. No matter how he felt, it was up to her to clear the air. And clear it, she would.
She’d started out of town when her stomach gurgled. With an impatient groan, she turned off at Neil’s and went inside. Chili would be good, but she knew it would take more than that today. She had a raging appetite and added a double cheeseburger and fries to the steaming bowl of chili, finishing it all in record time.
She was off to see the wizard. Or is he a lizard? No, definitely, a wizard. If anything, she was the lizard.
* * *
The office of the Gazette was neat enough, other than needing a good dusting off. Equipped with the cleaning tools he’d acquired at the local grocery store, Brad launched into the project with a vengeance.
The sun was just clearing the top of the building across the street when he decided it was time for coffee. He glanced at his watch. Eight-thirty. At the rate he was going he would have all but the presses clean and ready by nightfall.
He drove to a local café and picked up a large coffee and a breakfast sandwich. The cleaning made him hungrier than he’d been in a long time. Then he had a thought about the past few days. He’d hardly eaten. No wonder he was so hungry. After a second sandwich, he returned to the paper and the job at hand.
He’d been back at work for nearly two hours when a knock at the front door interrupted him. When he turned the corner from the pressroom, he was astonished to see Hattie standing there.
Oh no! What’s she doing down here?
He unlocked the door and held it open for the woman, who was shivering. “Better get in here out of the cold, Hattie. Welcome to the Gazette, though it’s not quite ready for prime time.”
“Brad, I need to talk to you.” Before he could respond, she launched into a diatribe, something she hadn’t even thought of saying. “What you’re doing makes no sense! Your mother is beside herself with worry, Leadburg is without a responsible editor—”
“Whoa! Hold on, Miss High and Mighty. Since when is it any of your business what I do?”
“It isn’t. I just—”
“You just what? Had to meddle again? Oh, sorry. I forgot. Henrietta takes her position in our community very seriously. And who is lowly Brad Trimble to think he can make an independent decision without Miss Henrietta McCall’s approval.”
Her face had gone from red to white as he spoke. She sputtered and turned toward the door. When it wouldn’t open, she turned back to him.
“Are you going to let me out of here or what? I came to tell you something, Brad, something important. But it’s clear you’re not interested.”
“You just told me plenty, lady. More than plenty. Enough to know I did the right thing leaving Leadburg. One thing you can do, though, if you don’t mind. Leave my mother out of this. She doesn’t need you stirring her up any more than you already have.”
“Me stirring her up! Just what do you call what you’re doing? You’re the one who chided me when I had a lingering thought about leaving Leadburg. You said I should stay where I belong. And now, you run from Leadburg like it’s the very devil coming to get you. I swear I never saw such a bull-headed man in my life! To think I came here to—”
“To what? What did you come here for? To bedevil me?”
“Never mind! It was obviously a mistake. Goodbye, Brad, and I do mean goodbye. I sincerely hope you enjoy Farmville. Have a good life.”
She slammed the door he’d opened while she raged and raced to her car. He watched while she spun off down the street. Something inside had him in a vice grip. He hurried to the restroom and gave up the remains of his breakfast.