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BITTER HATE
The setting sun woke Arara, its orange and pinks coming in through the open door to the balcony. She was curled up in the sleeping soil around Sels’s legs. Sesay sat nearby in a plush chair reading a book and looked up as Arara got up and stretched.
“We’re done,” Arara told her. Sels had been showing her through his memories for the better part of the day, and now he slept. Arara could feel his dreams tickling her mind, but now she knew better than to try to push them back, instead she embraced them. They overlay her own perceptions to the point of distraction, but she supposed it was something she’d get used to over time.
“There’s some food laid out for you in the receiving room,” Sesay pointed.
Arara took a few steps towards the door when Sesay held up a hand and beckoned her over.
“Before you go, how is he?” She looked so worried that Arara couldn’t help but go over, despite the dire rumbling from her tummy.
“He’s fine, Sesay,” Arara went to lay a paw on Sesay’s hand, but then thought better of it and pulled back. “Just tired.”
“But, you’re up and about, why not him?” Sesay bit her lower lip and looked towards Sels.
“My...tirade hit him hard, that’s all. I dumped everything on him at once, while he took the time to mentally hold my hand and guide me through his memores. He just needs time to rest and process.”
Sesay nodded, and turned her attention back to Sels. Arara considered herself dismissed.
As she wolfed down a plate of smoked meats and cheeses she wandered to the wrap-around balcony and looked down. The sun had set fully now, and the garden below them was dark except for a small circle of lit torches. The night’s lessons with Elric. He needed to be informed that Sels wouldn’t be attending tonight.
Arara considered sending one of the guards with a note to Elric until Sels’s memories told her that would be rude and that it had to be her or one of the other royals. Her legs were shaky, and even after devouring three helpings she still felt a bit light headed, but all she would have to do was make her way to the garden and back.
She went back to the sleeping room, only to find Sesay fast asleep next to Sels in the soil. Sesay stood about an arm’s length away from Sels, far enough to be proper, but she held his hand in hers as they swayed, dreaming. Arara backed away. Gold eyes flashed in the dark as Recka trotted up.
“I’m going to go tell Elric that Sels is indisposed tonight,” Arara told Recka as she passed him in the hall.
Recka fell in beside her. All she could see of him in the dark was his eyes flashing occasionally as they walked.
“You can barely walk straight,” Recka noted after the second time Arara stumbled into him. “I’ll go for you.”
“No,” Arara couldn’t help but growl a little as she bit off the word. “I may not have been a great sedyu so far, but I’m determined to make up for it. This is my duty and I will carry it out.”
His teeth flashed in the dark as he grinned. “Honorable. I will accompany you, then.”
It took Arara longer than she would have liked to get all the way downstairs. Her legs trembled at each step and she couldn’t manage even a slow trot. When they emerged into the ruined part of the garden Elric stamped his cane impatiently.
“Where is the Prince?” he demanded, hobbling towards them, leaning heavily on his cane. “He is very late.”
“I’m sorry, Sir Speaker.” Arara didn’t trust her back legs to hold her if she tried to stand upright in order to give him the required spreading of the arms, but she did twist her head to give him her throat. She paused, not sure what to say that the crotchety elder might consider a valid excuse.
“He is...weak, and too sick for any strenuous exercises. A Healer has confined him to the sleeping soil for tonight.” There. Sesay was a healer and would back up Arara’s assertions.
Elric harrumphed. “He was fine when I saw him yesterday morning. He missed last night’s lesson as well. What happened?”
“The riot,” Recka rumbled from behind Arara. “The garden party that he and Sesay attended yesterday was hit by a group of the rioters. Their carriage barely made it back to the palace.”
Nice one. Arara would have to remember that. Recka told nothing but the truth, implying that the brush with the rioters caused Sels’s illness merely by mentioning it when he did.
“Bah. The Prince and Princess left before the rioters reached the party and returned to the palace unscathed,” Elric spat. “Not only is he lying to get out of tonight’s lessons, he sends his pets to do his dirty work. If he is going to pander to me he shouldn’t send a Jegera to do the work of a Kin.”
Arara’s hackles rose. “We aren’t his pets and we aren’t lying. Sels is too exhausted to be able to come tonight.” Besides, how did Elric know that they’d come back unharmed? A memory of Sels’s hit her, the Queen admonishing Sels about something unkind he’d said within earshot of a servant; saying that servants gossip, and one should not give them things to gossip about. He’d probably gotten it from the palace grapevine, but just to be sure she cracked her shields and focused on Elric.
Recka too had bristled when Elric had called them pets. He pushed up to stand on two legs, his bulk towered almost two tail lengths over the small Kin. “Sedyu are not pets, nor are we servants. Do not forget that when we speak we do so with Royal Authority.”
Elric’s thoughts hit her like a rock to the side of the head. <Jegera will never speak as equal to Kin ever again, once the final step is complete.>
Arara staggered back, physically repulsed by the sheer enmity of Elric’s inner thoughts. <The Prince hides behind his fiancé. Next time I’ll have to make sure the Princess is out of the way before sending the rioters in his direction. He needs to a chance to learn what he can do.>
Elric was the one who told the rioters where to find the royal couple? She tried to pull more details from Elric’s mind. Suddenly she was reeling, back in her own body. Her head pounded and she fell over and convulsed.
“Never do that again,” Elric hissed at her. He gripped the head of his cane like a club and brought it down towards her head. A massive paw slapped it away and it thunked hard in the dirt just a finger’s breadth from Arara’s muzzle. The sound echoed wrong in Arara’s ears, but with her head pounding with a blossoming headache and her heart racing from adrenalin at the near miss, she couldn’t place what was off about it.
Recka growled and scooped up Arara while Elric backed up. “You will not lay a hand on the sedyu, Speaker.”
Elric sputtered something but Recka was already gone, carrying a trembling Arara back through the maze. He was silent for the entire trip back. Arara shut her eyes and hugged herself, trying to make sense of what she’d seen. When they got back Recka carried her past Sels’s suite and instead laid her out on Sesay’s couch. He wrapped her in a thick blanket and made her drink a glass of warm hukra milk. After she’d lapped up the last drop and flopped back into the cushions he sat next to her and gave her a long look.
“Why did Elric want to cane you for having a seizure?” He said finally.
“That’s not it. I saw some things in his head,” Arara clutched the blanket closer at the memory. “He hates Jegera, and by extension Yaka. He thinks we are less than human. Pets, like he said, there to follow orders and nothing more.”
“What?” Recka growled, his ears going back.
“Elric is the one who set the rioters on the garden party. But before I could find out more he pushed me out of his head.” Push wasn’t a strong enough word for what he’d done to her and how much it had hurt, but she couldn’t think of a better way to describe it. “He knew I was there, but, I think, not how much I heard, which is why he tried to bash my head in.”
“So by ‘never do that again’ he meant reading his thoughts.”
Arara nodded and lay back, closing her eyes. She was so tired and her head hurt so much. “But I don’t understand it. Up until now, the only people who have felt me in their heads have been other sedyu-bonded, like the Queen and Sesay.”
Recka’s lips pulled back and he snarled silently. “We must take this to the Queen.”
*****
SELS WOKE UP TO A GENTLE brush on his forehead and the tickle of moisture on his lips. Only when his tongue touched the water did he realize how parched he was. A strong paw on his back helped him sit up and he gulped water gratefully. Once he was done he opened his eyes to find that it was Sesay herself who held the glass and Recka who held him up.
“Shouldn’t healers be doing that?” Sels croaked.
Sesay turned away without answering, busying herself with placing the water on a tray to the side of the couch and smoothing the blanket that lay over his legs. “I didn’t call them.”
“Where’s Arara?” Sels asked even as he realized that as soon as he thought of her that he knew right where she was: curled up on the floor at the foot of the couch. Her continued shame and simmering anger were indistinguishable from his own feelings; only known as hers by the Jegeran sharpness of the emotions.
Arara’s head popped up into view at the end of the couch, her ears twitched sideways in contrition. She lifted the blanket and crawled partway under, hugging Sels’s ankles and feet. The touch of Arara’s fur on his legs tickled but at the same time he could feel his smooth skin through Arara’s perceptions. The conflicting sensations should have been confusing but, like before when he and Arara’s sedyu bond had twinned their perceptions, Sels had no trouble processing both.
“Sels, since you’re awake, we have to go to the Queen with what Arara found,” Sesay’s voice snapped with authority.
“Found what?” Sels didn’t look up from Arara’s lump under the blanket. He was wriggling the vestigial roots on his feet in Arara’s fur, delighting in the duel sensation of soft fur on roots and roots in fur.
“I know you are a bit overwhelmed by your first moments with a true sedyu- bond, but you need to concentrate.” Sesay snapped her fingers in his face until he looked over at her. “You know what Arara found out from Elric, that he told the rioters where to find us.”
Sels looked at Arara, the memory flooding through him in an instant. “Yes.”
“Arara convinced me of the truth of it. I tried to tell the Queen last night, but instead of listening she defended Elric. Then I had to talk her out of punishing Arara for eavesdropping.”
“And you think she’ll listen to me? You’ve always been her favorite, her golden bloom.” Sels crossed his arms and turned away, unable to stop the stab of jealousy that went through him.
“That has been true,” out of the corner of his eye Sels saw Sesay wince. “But just be honest with her about what happened. Tell her about the Yaka. She really didn’t want to have them executed, which is why the hunt for the escaped prisoner has been so lackluster.”
“You didn’t tell her about Ottont?”
Sesay shook her head. “As I said, that is your secret to tell. But without that piece of the puzzle, I can see why she is not concerned.”
“I still don’t think this is a good idea.” Sels muttered as Sesay shooed off Arara and pulled him to his feet. “Why did she defend Elric? If she didn’t believe you, what was there to defend?”
“I don’t know.” Sesay paused to tug his robe straight and smooth out his vines, like he was a sprout. But Sels let her fuss without protest. He could see how stressed Sesay was, now that he was paying attention and the action seemed to calm her. Once she was done she linked her arm in his and led him out of her room and out into the hallway. Arara and Recka followed along a few paces behind them. Sels had a preternatural awareness of Arara’s position as they walked and at times even caught glimpses of himself from the back through Arara’s eyes. This was going to take some getting used to.
“The moment I mentioned Speaker Elric she seemed on edge,” Sesay continued, glancing back at Arara. “And I think it has something to do with you.”
“Oh, what?” With all the new sensations going on in his head, Sels was having a hard time focusing on anything else and was barely following Sesay’s rushed conversation.
“I don’t know either, but she rushed me out of there as soon as she could.” Sesay gave a little sigh. “You know how methodical and meticulous your Mother is. Doesn’t it strike you as odd, too?”
Sels couldn’t help but nod in response. Even while trying to process two sets eyes that fact had caught his attention. A sharp rapping brought him out of his musings, then they were through the door into his mother’s private chambers.
The vines, portraits, and swirling wood grain became a jumble of color seen through two places at once and Sels had to fight down a sudden swirl of nausea. His tail curled between his legs and he tasted the roast venison he’d had for lunch fighting its way back up. Except he didn’t have a tail and he couldn’t eat meat. Then he was back to himself, leaning against the vines on the wall.
“Sels?” Sesay put his arm around her neck and pulled him up. Sels staggered, falling against Sesay and pushing them both up against the opposite wall. He sagged against her. Sesay struggled to keep him upright but couldn’t quite handle it.
They slid down the wall, dragging broken vine fragments and leaves with them as they went. A greenish goop trail was left on the polished wood wall behind them. They ended up lying on the floor, half propped against the wall with Sels awkwardly laying half on Sesay’s lap and chest.
“Ahahaha,” Recka howled with laughter behind them. He’d scooped up Arara by the scruff of her neck with one paw and held her now, tucked under his arm like a limp sack. Sels had to admit it was funny, but his half-hearted chuckle died away and his eyes slid closed of their own accord.
A high pitched command and the sudden cessation of Recka’s howling laugh woke Sels a moment later with a start.
“Get up, quick,” Sesay hissed at him, her mouth a hairs-breath from his ear. The whisper of wind from her words tickled the small vines at the base of his head and her soft scent surrounded him like a cloud, beckoning him back to sleep. Sels smiled and snuggled up to her.
“Sels. Sesay.” The Queen’s voice was sharp and angry. “I made it clear that being engaged does not give you permission to fondle each other on the floor like common posies.”
The warm glow building in Sels bosom snuffed like a blown out candle. Sesay stammered out something that sounded like an apology while simultaneously shoving and pushing at Sels’s limp form. Sels tried to help, but his arms refused to obey his thoughts and he ended up just flailing weakly until Sesay managed to roll him off of her and onto the floor.
“I’m sorry, your Majesty.” She straightened with a grimace at Sels, pulling her rumpled robes around and running her fingers through her bent and scattered petals. “Sels and I were coming to see you when he and his sedyu-bonded just collapsed.”
"Let us assist him, then."
Queen Seuan waved her hand and Tukura materialized next to her. With nothing more than a glance shared between them Tukura came over and crouched down next to Sels, slinging his arm around her neck. She lifted him up in her paws with no visible effort, while Sels struggled just to keep his arms and legs from trembling from the struggle to remain awake. Arara had already given up and now snored lightly from her position under Recka’s arm.
Tukura carried him over to where his mother stood at the foot of the sloping walkway leading up to her rooms at the very top of the grand tree palace. The Queen placed one hand on Sels’s arm, sending a shiver of magic cracking through his sap like a jolt of lightning. The energy forced his eyes open and his arms and legs. He grimaced and buried his face into Tukura’s neck for a moment until his limbs stopped jerking around out of his control.
“Thanks Mother,” he muttered into Tukura’s fur while he slid out of her arms, although he kept a grip on her shoulder as he did so. His legs wobbled under him, but the jolt the Queen had provided was enough to keep him upright under his own power.
“Sesay, you are dismissed.” The Queen ordered. “Sels, come.”
“Your Majesty,” Sesay didn’t move but her eyes flicked between him and the Queen. “I would hear what you and my fiancée would discuss.”
The Queen stared at Sesay in silence for several long moments. Sels shifted from foot to foot while casually trying to remain unnoticed next to Tukura’s lean form. He didn’t want to get in the middle of a battle of wills between his Mother and Sesay.
“That is up to my son,” the Queen finally said, and both of them turned to look at him.
Sels gulped and let go of Tukura’s arm. “Sesay is coming too.”
“As you wish,” the Queen turned and strode off down the hallway without looking back. Tukura did the same, her stride almost in lockstep with the Queen’s.
Sesay and Sels followed. The Queen and Tukura led them to the very end of the hall, to a small sitting room that Sels had been in a few times before. Sesay took a seat on the couch in the middle of the room and patted the cushion next to her, inviting Sels to sit close. While Sels settled uncomfortably onto the edge of the seat, Recka lay the sleeping form of Arara next to him. The Queen sat in a well-worn armchair to the side of the couch, the same seat she’d used the other times Sels had been here, while Tukura sat on her haunches on a pillow across from the couch.
Once they had all sat the Queen clasped her hands in her lap and leaned back to regard Sels with an intense look. “I know you and Sesay came here today in order to talk to me about the escaped Yaka and about the Speaker Elric.”
Sels fidgeted and nodded, unsure of what to say that Sesay wouldn’t have already said more eloquently than he ever could.
“Sels, I’ve known since the night of the breakout that you and Arara were responsible. However, there were more pressing matters of state to attend to and, in this matter at least, you were discreet.
“However, the Speaker Elric has pushed the council to look into this matter further, and it is only a matter of time before your names will come up in the investigation.”
“What?” Sels stammered. Elric had assured him he wouldn’t say anything. “But the Speaker already knows...”
The Queen gave him a hard look. “Ah, I had wondered. Elric is very astute and I would have been more surprised if he had not found out. But he also never does anything without a reason. I’m not sure what Elric has told you, and I fear I may have been too late to tell you this.”
“He did already tell me.”
Sesay looked at Sels curiously. “Told you what?”
The Queen held up a hand. “I’d like for you both to understand my hesitation in believing Arara’s accusations against Elric,” the Queen sighed deeply and dropped her gaze to her lap. “Elric and I used to be very close. I was very young when I took the Throne, younger than you are now Sels. I hadn’t even gotten my sedyu-bonded yet, although that happened very soon afterward.”
The Queen sighed again and gave a wistful smile in Tukura’s direction. Tukura cocked her head back at her and gave a little woof. “Even back then Elric led the council, although he wasn’t yet the Speaker. He was very charismatic and every member gave weight to his opinion. Without his help I doubt I could have lasted through the first few seasons of my rule.”
As his mother talked revealing her self-doubts and the challenges she faced as young leader of a vast empire, Sels had a hard time reconciling the tales of a meek and insecure girl to his powerful and commanding Queen-mother. In fact, thinking back on it this was the first time he’d ever heard his mother sound wistful.
“A few years after I’d taken the Throne, the council met to discuss the lack of a suitable heir.”
Sels had begun to slouch back as he listened but this phrase sent him shooting upright. He’d asked his mother many times while growing up about his father, the royal consort, and who he was, but she’d always deflected the conversation away from the topic. All of his attention was focused on his mother’s face, he barely felt Sesay slip her hand into his. While Elric had given him the facts, his mother was laying bare her soul. He wasn’t used to seeing this side of her.
“Oh, no,” Sesay gasped quietly under her breath and squeezed his hand. If she hadn’t been sitting right next to him he probably wouldn’t have noticed or heard her, and he was sure his mother hadn’t.
“I rejected the idea of marriage. I felt my position wasn’t yet stable enough to risk an alliance with one of our neighboring kingdoms and a marriage to any Sebaine Noble house would upset the balance of power within the city.” The Queen clasped her hands together and for the first time during her story looked up at Sels, meeting his eyes. “I took many consorts in order to muddy the waters while I took my time with my decision, but in the end my choice was clear.”
“Elric...” Sesay whispered and Sels nodded.
“But why keep it a secret?” he asked, but even as he said it his addled brain provided the answer. His mother had just told him; she couldn’t risk showing favor to one house over another.
“The purpose of my story here is not to discourage you, but to illustrate why I need hard evidence, not just hearsay.”