| |
SARAH SWANSON CAME home on that cold day in February, eleven months too late. She couldn’t quite decipher how many sunrises she had missed in Hazel Creek, or how many sunsets there were since she had been gone. She returned home on that ghostly, overcast day, just as she once professed she would.
What turned out to be almost an entire existence ago, far removed from the days when she was still a bright-eyed teenager with a million dreams and a gazillion smiles in her heart, she swore diligently that she would come back to him, and back to her home in Hazel Creek.
She came home to the village she had left her soul behind in, just like she said she would come back to reclaim someday. Just as soon as she had found her wonderful, and just as soon as she had reached the stars she had aimed for, after her many conversations and negotiations with the moon, when she was just a little girl. She found her way home and back to the village that had kept her heart securely tucked away in its palms since she had left almost a thousand moons ago, and as it turned out, a promise too late.
She came home to the village that had unwearyingly sat on the sidelines and watched her dream, while carefully guiding her on all the roads she had walked on as a child. The same village that had ultimately led her to the crossroads she would come to, and the road she would end up choosing someday.
She had to run as fast as her legs could carry her as she tried to follow the storms that were raging underneath her feet. She came home to the little town that had kept her safe and shielded from the rest of the world for most of her life, before it had finally raised her. She came home on that gloomy, wretched day to the houses she once knew so well, and the trees she had found shade in on so many scorching days.
She bowed before the school she had found family in, to the people she had adored, and the children who had now all grown up. She came home on that cold and rainy day, to faces that had changed, and names that were no longer the same. She came home to a religion her little hometown had passed on to her, from the very moment she was born.
She was too young to understand, and not old enough to know that it would someday be the home, she would leave and when it was someday too late, she would return and leave all that she thought had mattered to her, behind.
A town she would run back to as she left the bright city lights behind her. A home she would return to, where the streets knew her trail and the skies recognized her shadow, only, it would be one promise too late.
She came home to the mountains that echoed the childlike laughter that once used to hang in the air as they climbed to the top, where they would sit together and watch the sun set over their little home town. It was almost as though a curtain to a stage was being drawn, and they, the audience.
She came home to the waves that continued to whisper their names as they crashed heartlessly onto the shore, as though to remind her that her soul had remained behind, yet, it continued to linger somewhere in between the stars and the oceans of Hazel Creek.
She came home to the paved streets and farm roads that would continue to lead her to the one place her heart had found a home in all those moons ago. She came home to the leafy branches of trees that once blew endless messages of love into her ears, as she walked through the dirt roads, and whispered to the clouds.
It was not that long ago that she had left her village, and her love behind. It was not that long ago that she swore to him she would return, just as soon as she had found and captured her radiance. She said that she would bring all her wonderful with her and she promised to share it with him someday. She vowed that she would never forget him, or the village that her roots were firmly planted in.
She asked him to wait for her, and she begged him to believe in her. She nervously whispered in his ear that she was sure the city streets might be paved in emerald stones, and that the morning sun might shine a little brighter over there.
She told him that she was afraid that the city lights and urban stars at night might perhaps blind her as she sets out in search of her magnificence. She told him that she thought the nights might be shorter, and that her days could perhaps, be a little warmer. She was sure that she could get lost in the crowds of a thousand strangers on the city streets, as she quietly and inconspicuously, searched for her glory.
She thought that she could become fabulous and be incredible before she came home again to the village that she knew, was keeping her heritage nourished and watered. She thought that she could grow up and earn her merit in the world, before she came home to win him, and conquer him forever.
But, as she lay rocking back and forth on the cold grave beneath her, she wondered how she never knew that her value was by no means at all, found in her search for wonderful. She continuously chastised herself as she questioned her motives over and over again.
But, how she was to know that her splendor would not mean much at all, and that her hunt would ultimately be all for nothing, without him? As she lay cradling her legs, she realized that her coming home had turned out to be a promise too late.
How was she to know that her glory was inside of her, all along? How could she ever have known that when she finally came home, she would come home to a worthlessness she never thought she would feel in the town that once filled her with butterflies and bubbles?
She came home today, just like she once swore she would, yet, nothing was as it once was. “I came home today, Danny ...” She whispered through the tears that continued to cruelly bucket from her eyes, as though she had an endless supply.
She had found her much desired wonderful and she became extraordinary for him, only it was not the kind she went in search of. It was in him. It was in her. It lay quiescent in them, in their love and in their togetherness. It was there, in their eyes and in their laughter. It was there, right in the midst of their childhood, and it followed them into their adulthood. She once thought that she had caught a glimpse of it, when they shared their very first kiss. She could have sworn that she once felt it in his touch and saw it in his eyes. “I came home today ...”
She swallowed back on an imprisoning knot in her throat and understood for the very first time that it was right there inside of her and inside of him, from the moment he had walked into her life. Without him, none of what she had set out to attain mattered anymore, and not much made sense to her. For all the books she had written, and all the adventures she had been on, none of it could compare to the value his love had found in her.
All her achievements and each of her so-called accomplishments seemed utterly inconsequential and highly insignificant, without him. She had left to find her extraordinary for him, and now he would never know.
She had found all she had ever searched for, and all she thought she would ever need, yet it was nothing like where she thought she would find her joy and importance in. She was wrong. She had searched for all the wrong things, in all the wrong places. It was in him. It had always been in him, and his unyielding love for her.
To come home, and miss out on the years that were, were never in any of her plans or her dreams. Yet, she constantly had one more step to take, and one more road to follow before she could return to Hazel Creek, and home to him. Year after year, she told him that she had one more conquest, and one more dream to pursue, and that she swore, she would be home soon.
She was never quite able to touch the stars she was so frantic to grab a hold of, and she stopped whispering to the moon nearly a thousand nights before. It was as though she could almost reach them, and with each attempt, and every effort she made, she was certain that they were only moments away from her grasp.
She never thought that he would leave. It did not once cross her mind that he would give up on her, or that he would relinquish his fight, and surrender to a darkness she could in no way at all, ever find him in. She never thought that his trail would be covered and disguised by the sands of time.
She never once imagined that all she would be left with someday would be his name written in stone, on an abandoned and forlorn spot in Hazel Creek, one she never thought she’d find him in. She never thought that her village would grow up just as they did and change just as they had.
She never thought that the faces she once knew so well would be gone from the only home they had ever known. She never thought that she would be welcomed by a whole lot of emptiness, and that nothing would be the same when she finally found her way home again.
She never thought that their little hometown would appear as a total stranger to her, with odd new people and unfamiliar, new buildings. She never thought that the trees that were once a part of their creed, would be cold-heartedly cut down, and that their mountain would be covered by brand-new houses.
She never thought that he would leave. She never thought that he could leave. She never once thought she would dwell in a world without him. She never once imagined that she would be compelled to exist in a world, he was no longer a part of. She never thought that she would be a promise too late.
