How to Find a Therapist
It is brave, indeed, to decide that it’s time to start going to therapy! Because it is emotionally taxing enough to decide it’s time to ask for help, you at least want the task of finding a therapist to be an easy one. This appendix is intended to make your search as seamless as possible.
Finding a Therapist
There is more than one way to get to a first session. Here are some options for getting a referral:
- Ask your primary care physician for a few names.
- Talk to a friend or family member who is in therapy and find out whether that therapist will also see you or refer you to a colleague.
- Call your health insurance carrier and ask for a list of providers in your area. You can then look on providers’ websites or call them to learn about the services they offer.
- Search online using one of the websites listed below.
Choosing a Therapist
Creating a relationship with a therapist is a big deal, and in order to benefit from this trusting relationship, you will need to be vulnerable, honest, and accountable. Therefore, be discerning and careful in choosing someone with whom you can work. I suggest that you do the following:
- Identify a few possible candidates and then talk to each of them on the phone or do a first session. You and the therapist will both need to assess how the relationship feels. Even if a therapist is competent, there might not be great chemistry between the two of you, so it is okay to do more than one first session. Not unlike an intimate relationship, the way you feel about your therapist at session one will be different than the way you will feel at session ten, but you still will need to access your gut feelings during the first session: How safe do you feel? How listened to do you feel? How trusting do you feel?
- Remember, you are the consumer. It is appropriate to ask specific questions on the phone and in your initial session. Questions you might want to ask your therapist include:
- Can you tell me about your training?
- How would you describe your approach to therapy?
- Can you tell me about your experience working with clients like me?
- How will we create treatment goals, and how will we monitor my progress?
- Do you feel you can help me?
- Talk with your therapist about the reactions that you are having to your sessions. If you feel misunderstood or rushed, say so. If you have a question about how your therapist is viewing you or your situation, ask. Talking with your therapist about the relationship between the two of you will help you in your other relationships—including in your intimate relationship—so speak up!
- If you are hiring a couples therapist, ask about his or her training. Being a good therapist and being a good couples therapist are quite different, so either seek therapy from someone whose name is followed by the letters LMFT (licensed marriage and family therapist) or ensure that that clinician has extensive training in working with couples. The online resource list that follows includes some websites specifically for those seeking couples therapy.
Online Resources
Here are some online resources that you can use on your quest to find a therapist.
General Websites
Couples and Family Therapy
Sex Therapy