Rebecca couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept in past six a.m. on a weekend, although not for lack of trying. One of the girls was always awake and the TV on, and the thought of someone burning themselves in the kitchen (or burning down the house, for that matter) as they tried to cook breakfast by themselves always forced her from her nice, warm bed far too early.
Which is why, when someone knocked on her door this particular Saturday morning, she was already up and sitting at the kitchen table drinking her coffee and flipping through the junk-mail catalogues, checking out kids’ clothing she was very soon going to have to update.
Still in flannelette pyjamas dotted with black and white cows and a pair of large, fluffy, oversized cow slippers, she opened the door and groaned to find Seb on her doorstep, smirking at her.
‘Wow, Bec, You sure know how to whet a guy’s libido with that get up.’
‘I happen to love my cow PJs, and I haven’t had to worry about libidos for a long time now.’
‘Is that so?’ His deep drawl wiped the amused expression from her face and made her mouth go dry.
A loud ‘Uh-oh,’ from the kitchen interrupted, followed promptly by, ‘Muuuuuuum, Sarah spilt the milk!’
With a slow breath, Bec took a step away from temptation and smoothed down the front of her oversized pyjama shirt, trying for as much dignity and decorum as possible. ‘Come in, if you dare. But prepare yourself, this is going to get messy.’
In the kitchen, milk covered the counter, but thankfully the mess was not as bad as she’d feared. She reached for a paper towel to soak up the worst of the spill as she packed away cereal and took down a cup for Seb, flicking the switch on the kettle.
Seb stood against the bench and watched her, arms folded across his chest and wearing a bemused expression that made her pause as she spooned coffee into his cup.
‘What?’
Shaking his head slowly, Seb gave a small chuckle. ‘You’re like a mini tornado.’
‘Oh. It’s just habit. The kids usually clear out when I’m in a cleaning frenzy.’
‘I can see why. Here, sit down, you’re making me tired just watching you.’
‘Why are you here? It’s not even seven.’
‘Are you always this grumpy in the morning?’
‘I’m not grumpy, it just takes a while for the caffeine to kick in.’
‘Well, since you asked. I came by this early for a reason.’
Rebecca leaned back in her chair, folding her arms and arching an eyebrow as she waited for him to explain.
‘I thought we could go camping.’
Two small bodies all but tumbled through the doorway, squealing and jumping around Seb excitedly. ‘Mum, can we? Can we, please?’
‘Nothing like having a private conversation,’ Rebecca groaned, knowing she was outnumbered and had no real alternative but to agree, unless she wanted to face two sets of accusing eyes for the rest of the weekend.
‘Mum, please, please can we go camping?’ Sarah begged.
‘We don’t have any camping equipment,’ she protested weakly.
‘No problem – I’ve dug out my old stuff I found in the shed at Dad’s. We have everything we need. We’ll just stay one night,’ he said, looking every bit as anxious as the girls, who were staring up at her expectantly.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake,’ she muttered, realising she was defeated. ‘Fine. We’ll go camping for one night.’
‘Come on, Bec, it’ll be fun.’ Seb grinned at her across the table, sending her a wink that made her shake her head and give a sceptical chuckle.
She sent the girls to their rooms to fill a backpack each with warm clothes, and then had to spend a further twenty minutes unpacking most of their wardrobes from the bags and overruling Sarah’s stubborn resolution to take along her fairy wings and the sparkly, hot pink dress her grandmother had given her last Christmas. They compromised on the fairy wand for the sake of Rebecca’s sanity and finally made it out to where Seb had wisely decided to wait for them after the hysterical crying over leaving the hot pink dress at home had started.
Once they’d piled into the four-wheel drive – already full of camping gear, Rebecca noted, giving away Seb’s confidence in her saying yes – Seb headed back to the Taylor farm and down to the creek.
Why did people feel a need to disregard their comfortable, warm beds for a crazy urge to sleep on the hard ground inside a paper-thin triangle of fabric? Still, she’d grit her teeth and make the most of it; surely after this, the girls would have gotten it out of their system. Oh god, she hoped so.
Setting up the campfire, Seb bit back a smile as he recalled Bec’s face when he’d announced the camping trip. He knew she hated camping – she had never been the outdoorsy type – but he also knew that, deep down, if he gave her enough encouragement, she’d try anything; she just needed a little push sometimes to get her out of her comfort zone. They’d gone on regular bushwalks when they were younger and she’d accompanied him countless times when he’d gone out rabbit shooting. Obviously, her ex had never seen that spark of adventure in her eyes. It was there if you looked hard enough, and god knew, he’d spent enough time gazing deep into those brown, doe-like eyes in the past.
Whenever he allowed himself to think about her ex, his jaw clenched instinctively. He had absolutely no right whatsoever to feel betrayed or annoyed over the fact that she’d had a life with another man – he’d given up that right a long time ago. But in his defence, he’d been a stupid kid too caught up in his own grief to think about what he was losing. Didn’t stop it hurting any less, though.
He knew he shouldn’t feel glad that she was divorced – he saw how the girls missed their father, and it wasn’t something you ever wanted to see kids going through – but from a purely selfish perspective, he was relieved. It was like receiving a second chance at something he’d never dared to hope for again.
Watching her now as she helped her children gather sticks and bits of wood for their fire, he felt something shift inside him, something that had been blocking his ability to feel for a long, long time. She glanced up, catching him as he watched her, and he saw her tilt her head slightly, the small, hesitant smile touching her lips growing broader as he summoned a smile of his own to reassure her everything was fine. Right at this moment, everything was more than fine – everything was perfect.
And it scared the living hell out of him.
Rebecca had to admit she was enjoying herself more than she’d thought she would. Seb was easy to be around; he was patient with the girls as he let them help put up the tents and build the camp fire. The national park backed onto the Taylor property and they’d spent the day exploring the bush tracks and swimming holes along the way. As the sun sank behind the hills, they cooked a barbecue and huddled around the fire. The active day of hiking, swimming and excitement wore the girls out faster than anything she could have thought up, and they were struggling to keep their eyes open by seven o’clock.
‘Come on, sleepyheads, time for bed,’ Rebecca said, getting up from her warm spot by the fire and taking the torch Seb held out to her, before herding the kids towards the bigger of the two tents.
‘But we’re not tired.’ Sarah’s protest would have been a lot more convincing if she hadn’t let out a jaw-cracking yawn immediately afterwards.
Tucking the girls into the sleeping bags Seb had thoughtfully provided, Rebecca could see that it wouldn’t be long before they were both snoring and, for one insane moment, she considered waking them up so she wouldn’t be left out there alone with Seb. The warmth of the fire and its gentle pop and crackle would be a soothing backdrop, making it all too easy to let down her guard.
‘They all settled?’ he asked when she returned. The dancing flames of the fire made shadows move across his face, throwing his chiselled features into even starker relief.
‘I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re both fast asleep by now. They were exhausted.’
‘It’s been a great day.’
‘Yeah, it has,’ she said, then searched for something to talk about. ‘So how’s the physio going?’
He smiled. ‘I thought you could just look up my records and find out yourself.’
‘I actually have more to keep me busy at work than checking on your progress, you know.’
‘Really?’
Rebecca rolled her eyes as he raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘I only intervened for your own good.’
‘That sadist of a physiotherapist you have working at the hospital is either trying to kill me or she has a sick sense of humour, but you’ll be happy to hear she says I’m making progress.’
‘I’m sure you’ve survived worse.’ Rebecca leaned forwards and took a marshmallow from the almost empty packet. Taking it from her hands, Seb put it on the end of the long branch he’d used earlier and slowly turned it over the fire.
Mesmerised by the flicker of the flame around the stick, Rebecca watched as he withdrew the marshmallow and gently blew on it to cool it down, before passing the stick across to her.
When had he moved this close? Their gazes locked as her hand moved to cover his to steady the sticky offering. She saw his eyes darken as she slowly placed her lips around the marshmallow, drawing it from the end of the stick. The heat from the fire was nothing compared to the heat she felt radiating from his gaze.
He lowered the toasting stick and the glow from the fire was momentarily blocked from her view as he leaned closer, softly tracing her lips with tiny kisses. A moan, low and anguished, emerged from her throat and the sound seemed to break through the last reserves of his restraint. The hesitant, almost shy, kisses of a moment ago melted into a kiss so deep and searching that Rebecca found herself automatically responding, despite the annoying part of her that was silently shaking its head in disappointment.
A splash in the water nearby made Rebecca pull back in alarm. ‘What was that?’ she gasped, her gaze searching the dark ribbon of water that flowed beside them.
‘Probably just a turtle.’
‘Big turtle.’ Her voice came out sounding shaky and breathless, and her heart felt like it might actually burst through her chest at any moment.
‘I’ll go take a look around, if it makes you feel better.’
She gave a jerky nod, and watched as he picked up the torch and headed towards the water’s edge. By the time he came back to the fire, her heart rate had restored itself to within normal range and along with it came her common sense.
‘There’s nothing down there; it was probably a branch falling into the water from the bank or something; nothing to worry about,’ he assured her.
‘Well, I think I better get to bed. It’s getting late.’ She got to her feet and began inching her way towards the tent where her children were sleeping. She added a yawn for good measure.
‘Yeah, geez, it’s almost eight. Better hit the hay.’ His tone suggested he wasn’t fooled by her sudden exhaustion.
Rebecca turned away, but not before she saw that he sat again by the fire and was staring into the flames with an expression she couldn’t quite pin down. With a confused sigh, she forced herself to climb inside the tent and go to sleep. If she slept – and it was a big if – she wouldn’t have to lie there thinking about how desperately she wanted to return to him and pick up where they’d just left off.
Something cold hit her face. Rebecca brought up a hand to wipe her cheek while she was still half-asleep and was instantly awake as she registered that her hand was wet.
Sitting up, she looked around in the dark and saw that there was a jagged rip through the top of the tent – she could see the blanket of stars above her each time the flap blew in the wind. The precipitation that had been gathering on the tent through the night was now dripping inside and as she felt around, she realised everything was wet and cold.
Waking the girls up, she led them outside, then scratched on the outside of Seb’s tent.
The sound of the tent flap unzipping seemed to echo all around them in the stillness of the early hours, and Rebecca felt a surge of relief as she saw Seb’s head poke through the flap, his eyes wide awake and alert.
‘The tent has a rip in it and everything’s wet.’
He put out his hand and helped the sleepy girls inside, easing back when she squeezed in after them. His tent was smaller than the one they’d been in and it was a little squishy with all four of them inside.
Seb unzipped his sleeping bag, making it a large doona, then vanished outside, returning minutes later with a blanket he’d retrieved from the back of the four-wheel drive. Settling the two girls in the middle of the open sleeping bag, he pulled the spare blanket up to cover them and lay back down.
The sleeping bag beneath them was already warm from Seb’s body heat, and as Rebecca turned her head slightly, she breathed in the woodsy smell of campfire and of him – a combination that played havoc with her equilibrium. Natalie and Sarah fell back to sleep within minutes, but Rebecca was left lying awake within touching distance of Seb as she listened to the gentle sounds of her children’s breathing, feeling a jumble of conflicting emotions about the man who lay suspiciously silent on the other side of the tent.
She knew that he was probably as wide awake as she was, and she wondered what was running through his mind. Then again, if it were anything like what was running through hers, it was probably safer for both of them that he kept it to himself.
Seb lay awake, listening to the gentle, even breathing of the two children and feeling a funny glow of contentment trying to settle inside him. He heard Bec’s breathing eventually settle as she finally stopped thinking and gave up the battle to fall asleep. He wondered if she had tried to stay awake because she didn’t trust him, or because she was as emotionally messed up as he was. He knew for sure, though, that wasn’t the reason he was wide awake.
As he’d gone to the car to retrieve the spare blanket, he’d made his way past Bec’s tent and seen the long slice through the fabric. He surveyed the area as covertly as possible, before ducking back inside his own tent once more. The tear in the tent she’d been sleeping in hadn’t got there by itself – if he had to take an educated guess, he’d say it looked like someone had sliced through it with a knife. Morning couldn’t come soon enough, and until it did, he’d lie here, alert and listening for any sign of a return visitor.
Rebecca awoke to the smell of bacon cooking and sat up, instantly alarmed, forgetting where she was. She sighed in relief when she heard the low rumble of a voice and realised the girls hadn’t decided to cook her bacon and eggs by themselves. She’d been positive she’d never get back to sleep once they moved into Seb’s tent in the early hours of the morning, but she now discovered that not only had she managed to get back to sleep, she’d slept right through her two children waking up and sneaking outside to cook breakfast with Seb.
‘Mum! You were supposed to stay asleep until we finished cooking you breakfast.’ Sarah greeted her with a small pout and matching frown.
‘Good morning to you too,’ Rebecca mumbled as she crawled through the opening and came to sit on the chair by the fire.
‘She hasn’t had her coffee yet,’ Natalie said with a knowing nod at Seb, who stood guard over the sizzling bacon on the small hotplate.
She saw what she suspected might be a smirk crossing Seb’s face as he gave an answering nod and exchanged a roll of the eyes with her eldest daughter. ‘We better make her one then,’ he said, already spooning the coffee granules into the enamel camping mug and pouring in the steaming water that was simmering next to the bacon on the hotplate over the fire. The familiar, calming smell of the coffee reached her as she accepted the mug, and she sent him a grateful smile.
‘I’m sorry we disturbed your sleep last night.’
Seb gave a shrug. ‘Sleep’s overrated anyway.’ He winked at the girls as they watched him cook with wide eyes and big smiles.
Rebecca had to admit her heart might have melted just a little bit then. But she saw that her daughters seemed as smitten by him as she was and the thought sobered her. Was spending time with Seb going to do them more harm than good? After the afternoon at the beach, she’d explained to them that Seb was only here for a visit and he’d have to go back to his own home as soon as he was better. Of course, children weren’t quite as good at grasping the concept of time as adults, and watching them now, she wondered if it might have been safer to have said no from the very first day. Surely, though, the enjoyment the girls had received from spending a day at the beach and another few on the farm far outweighed any potential damage?
It was too late now to erase the happy memories, and she decided she didn’t want to try. She knew from experience, you couldn’t go back and start all over just to avoid the pain of saying goodbye.
Seb tried to mask the apprehension he’d been carrying since slipping out of the tent early to take a look at the camp area in daylight. He’d searched for signs to support his initial suspicion that the slice in Bec’s tent was too neat to be anything but man made, but he couldn’t find anything out of the ordinary: there were no footprints, nor tracks of any kind, and nothing missing.
He’d turned to scan the area behind him, hands on hips, and stood staring out across the creek to the other side of the riverbank, which led to the national park. He just hadn’t been able to shake the feeling that while they’d been sleeping, someone had come into their camp. But how? For that to have happened, he’d have to admit that somehow they’d got past him. Was this the first sign that he was losing his edge? He’d been about to cross the creek and take a look at the other side, when he’d heard a small voice behind him and looked back to see two sets of big eyes watching him expectantly. Unable to leave now the kids were awake, he’d sent one final searching glance towards the thick undergrowth of the national park before making a start on breakfast.
Maybe he was just overreacting. He had to be. He would have heard something. Or Bec would have awoken, surely? One thing was certain: if there had been an intruder, they were bloody lucky that he hadn’t heard them, because without a doubt, right now he’d probably be sitting in a jail cell, waiting for a murder charge to be read against him.
Back at Rebecca’s house late that afternoon, Seb followed the trio inside, helping to carry the bags while she sent the girls in for their bath. They all smelt like smoke from the campfire and once again, the girls were tired and cranky and ready for an early night.
Now and again through the day, Rebecca had caught Seb staring off into the bush, a frown on his face. As soon as he spotted her watching him, though, he’d shake it off and send her a reassuring grin or throw himself into something else. To say his behaviour was confusing was an understatement, but after packing up their campsite and heading home, she was beginning to suspect he’d got a little tired of having two active, inquisitive children jumping around his heels and begging him to play with them.
‘I hope you have a better night’s sleep tonight,’ Rebecca said, walking him to the front door.
‘I doubt it,’ he murmured and Rebecca bit her lip uncertainly. Something was definitely not right and she had a horrible feeling it was about the kiss they’d shared.
She didn’t see him turn to face her until it was too late. His hands went to her waist to steady her and she felt them tighten a fraction as her hands splayed across the front of his chest. She tried to move back but he held her firmly in place. Endeavouring to appear calm and unruffled while locked in this rather cosy position, Rebecca cleared her throat and summoned a weak smile.
‘The girls had a great time, and now I won’t feel like a bad parent for denying my children the experience of camping.’
‘You’re not a bad parent, Bec,’ Seb told her, his face completely serious. ‘You’re amazing with those kids.’
Blinking uncertainly at the solemn tone of his voice, Rebecca felt an unexpected rush of emotion at his words. His head lowered slowly and her traitorous mouth opened to accept his without any protest at all. Worse still, not only did she not protest, but she moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck, threading her fingers through the barely long enough hair on his scalp.
Longing, pain and pleasure exploded inside her, until she no longer knew what she should be feeling, just that she needed him to kiss and hold her and take away this ache that was throbbing deep inside her.
‘Muuuuuuum!’
Cold water from a bucket couldn’t have shocked her out of her moment of insanity any faster than one of her children calling from the bathroom.
Staggering back, she stared at Seb, her breathing ragged and harsh. She knew her face would be flushed. She took stock of the fact they’d just been making out like teenagers on the front doorstep of her house.
‘I … have to go.’
‘We need to deal with this, Bec – one way or the other,’ he told her, leaving no room for argument.
His words were enough to paint the picture for her: either they picked up where they left off and hoped that this thing, whatever it was, ran its course, or they walked away from it for good. Once she would have known without the slightest hesitation which would be the smarter choice. Right now though, she wasn’t sure she was willing to make the smartest decision … and that was something that was definitely not normal Rebecca Whiteman behaviour.