Seb stood on the top of the ridge, looking down over his father’s farm. He wiped his brow and felt the isolation and beauty of the land surrounding him. God, he’d missed this place.
His thoughts drifted to the countryside he’d just returned from. Afghanistan had mountains – lots of mountains, higher than anything they had around here. The brutality of the landscape, with its harsh extremes of searing heat and freezing cold, made it seem like the terrain was doing everything in its power to make itself uninhabitable, and yet people still managed to adapt and live there.
Winter had all but vanished here and the sweet, heady scent of spring was in the air, filling him with a renewed hope and optimism that he hadn’t experienced in what seemed like a lifetime.
He’d spent a long time working out his future while he’d been away. Something had changed since he’d faced Charles Green; he’d finally been able to confront the torment of his past, releasing the lock on his darkest memories and facing them. They were like most fears, he thought: once you stood up and faced them, they didn’t seem as terrifying as you imagined them to be. His fears had been the fears of a teenager – emotions he’d refused to address. Guilt and self-reproach had been like an infection, he saw that now. And an infection left untreated often festered and turned toxic, just like the guilt he’d been nurturing all this time. It had all but deadened his other emotions.
Did he still feel like he was responsible for Marty’s and Reggie’s deaths? Yes – to a certain degree. Did he still feel as though he should deny himself happiness because of it?
No. He’d done that for eighteen years, and it was time to let it go. Rebecca had been right when she’d thrown how Marty would feel about his attitude in his face. He knew his mate would have hated seeing him hurt the people who loved him – he’d be the first to tell him to stop playing the damn martyr and get on with living.
His gaze dropped to the small plastic box he held in his hand. First, he had to say goodbye to his father, one last time.
It was quiet up here on the ridge. The air was still and warm. He remembered coming here when he was small, before his teenage years, before the clashes with his dad had widened the gulf between them. He was grateful that he’d had the chance to put things right before it had been too late. If anything had given him the kick up his backside that he’d needed, it was the realisation that while he’d been busy shutting everyone out of his life, thinking he was doing them a favour, he’d been hurting those who loved him the most.
Removing the lid of the plastic box that contained his dad’s ashes, he shook them out, watching as a breeze came from nowhere, carrying with it the sweet-smelling wattle and eucalyptus scents of the bushland below them. It mixed with the ashes, taking them on one last flight out across the land Angus Taylor had worked and loved his entire life, returning him to the place where he belonged.
Rebecca took a deep breath when she heard Seb’s car pull up outside. Nerves ricocheted inside her stomach and she pressed her hand against her abdomen in an attempt to still them. She’d spent the few hours since reading Seb’s letter bouncing from one emotion to the next.
After the lump of raw emotion in her throat passed, she’d become angry – angry that he had to risk being killed before finally admitting how he felt about her, angry that he’d wasted so much time figuring it out. Then came relief that at least he had finally figured it out. Only after all these other emotions passed did a small bud of hope begin to unfurl inside as she dared to believe what he’d said in his letter: that he was shipping back to Australia and wanted to see her, to work out their future.
The knock at her door, even though she was expecting it, still made her jump. ‘Get a grip, Rebecca,’ she muttered under her breath. She would be cool, calm and collected. He was not going to shake up her world all over again and expect her to fall into his arms like some pathetic wimp. Feeling a little more in control, she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she opened the door.
He looked up, and she caught the heavy weight of uncertainty in his brown eyes. In that micro-second, her fate was sealed, sending every good intention she’d been practising all day out the window.
‘Bec, I’m sorry –’ he began, but the pain in his voice was too much for her to bear. She took a step forwards, closing the distance between them, and wrapped her arms around his waist.
‘Seb, don’t.’
She felt his surprise in the stiff set of his body, but she held on. Resting her head against his chest, the fabric of his T-shirt soft beneath her cheek, she felt his arms cautiously slip around her. Pulling her against him, he tightened his arms to hold her securely, as though he were afraid she might change her mind and pull away at any moment.
Rebecca closed her eyes to savour the warmth of his arms, breathing in the scent of the man she’d never been able to forget. Pulling back slightly, she looked up and tried to read his expression without much success.
‘Your letter arrived this morning, after you left.’
A twitch of his lips was the only movement on his unreadable face. ‘Typical army. Impeccable timing.’
A loud thumping of speakers distracted them as a P-plater drove past, and Rebecca moved back to allow Seb inside. Luckily, she wasn’t in a gossipy neighbourhood, or the neighbours would be having a field day with her private life.
In the kitchen, Rebecca automatically pulled down two coffee cups, gasping as she turned to find Seb standing closely behind her.
‘I didn’t come here for coffee, Bec,’ he told her softly, his face the same heavy-eyed, unreadable mask it was before.
‘Then what did you come here for?’ she asked, determined, this time, to make him say it.
‘I came here to apologise for being the biggest idiot known to mankind, not once, but twice,’ he said, ‘and to beg you, if I have to, for another chance at making this thing between us work.’
‘You? Beg?’ Rebecca hitch a brow. ‘Somehow I can’t picture you ever begging for anything, Seb.’
‘If that’s what it takes, I’ll get down on the floor right now and grovel at your feet,’ he offered quietly, and Rebecca realised he was serious.
‘When you started writing, I almost sent it back to you unopened.’ She thought she saw a glimmer of something in his eyes, but it was gone too fast for her to be sure. ‘But as much as I’d love to believe I’m completely immune to you, it appears I’m not. I walked past that damn letter on the table for all of two hours before it got to me and I had to open it.’ It hurt her pride to admit it, but it was the truth. ‘I didn’t want to forgive you – I wanted to stay angry at you. It was easier to stay mad than it was to miss you.’
‘I was expecting you to tell me to go to hell.’
‘I wish I was that strong.’ She frowned. ‘Your letters became something the kids and I looked forward to. They really loved getting their own little notes; that was very thoughtful of you.’ She allowed the faintest of smiles to pass between them.
‘I loved getting their letters – and yours. You don’t realise how much they came to mean to me, Bec.’
‘I think I do.’
His eyes darkened, and she felt the last of her reserve melt away.
‘I’ve had a long time to think about things. I didn’t handle the way I left after the funeral well. Coming back here – you, the kids, Dad – it did something to me, made me realise what things were important. I know what I want, Bec.’ He held her gaze.
‘And what’s that?’ His words were like a gentle caress to her bruised and battered heart.
‘I want you, and the girls.’
‘That’s a big responsibility, Seb. Are you sure you can take it on?’
He shrugged. ‘I know it’s no life without you. No doubt I’ll screw up from time to time, but I promise, I’ll never intentionally do anything to hurt you and those kids ever again.’
‘But how would we make it work?’
‘I have another twelve months before I can bail, but after I get out, I plan on coming back to work Dad’s place. I’m going to run cattle on it again. I’ve got the wind turbines approved and going up as we speak, and a whole bunch of other things I want to do with the place. I’ve got big plans, Bec.’
‘Are you sure you can give up the SAS? What if you realise you miss it and want to go back?’
‘Honestly, Bec,’ he said, ‘I really don’t know how I’ll handle not being in the service – it’s been my life for so long. Which is why I’m not ruling out private security work down the track. I’ve already contacted a few guys I’ve worked with in the past about the possibility, but if it comes to that, I promise I’ll talk to you before I make any decisions, and we’ll figure it out together.’
‘Security? I’m thinking it’s not driving around industrial estates at night kinda security work,’ she said dryly.
His lips tilted slightly. ‘Not exactly. More like bodyguarding businessmen in … certain environments.’
‘Environments like … the Middle East?’
‘And other places, yeah. It’s not as dangerous as it sounds,’ he added quickly when he saw her expression. ‘These jobs are all legit – handled by big security companies.’ He shook his head slightly. ‘Look – it’s just an option, and it would only be for a few months at a time, every now and then. I’d be a plain old boring farmer the rest of the time.’ He tried for a grin, but must have realised she wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea and gave a small shrug. ‘It’s just a thought.’
‘Well, it’s probably not as dangerous as what you’re going to have to do tonight.’
The look he sent her was almost comical, and she struggled to keep a straight face.
‘And what exactly am I going to do tonight?’
She smoothed the fabric of his T-shirt across his chest with her palms. ‘You’re going to face my mother and tell her that her daughter and grandchildren will be moving to Western Australia with you. ASAP.’
He stared at her speechlessly. ‘Bec, I really don’t expect you and the kids to pack up and move across to the other side of the country for twelve months.’
‘If you think, after missing you this much over the last few months, that we’re going to go through all that again for the next year, then you’ve lost your mind.’
‘But I could still get orders. I might not even be in town permanently. You could still end up spending most of the time alone.’
Rebecca shrugged. ‘I’ve always wanted to see Perth, and it’ll do the kids good to see the other side of the country. It’s only twelve months – besides, we’ll get to see you more if we’re over there than if we’re here.’
‘Your parents won’t be too keen on losing you and their grandkids after just getting you back,’ he warned.
Rebecca gave a chuckle. ‘Well, you’re the one who likes to live on the edge – if this doesn’t get your adrenaline pumping, nothing will.’
‘I think I might actually prefer facing the Taliban,’ he said with a wince.
‘Oh relax, Mum thinks you’re Mr Wonderful; you’ve got her eating out of your hand – it’s Dad you have to worry about.’
Seb gave a pained chuckle as he leant in close, placing his hands either side of the bench behind her, trapping her. ‘I love you, Bec. Thanks for not giving up on me after all this time.’
‘I love you, too.’ She lifted a hand to cradle the side of his face gently.
Buggalugs interrupted the moment by whining at the back door and Rebecca smiled.
‘The girls are about to come bursting through the front door.’
‘Do you think they’ll be okay with me moving into their lives?’ The uncertainty was back in his eyes again and Rebecca felt her heart swell once more.
‘Well, why don’t you ask them?’ she suggested.
The front door opened with a bang and two sets of feet came thundering down the hallway.
‘I don’t think it’s going to be a problem,’ she added, just as the two girls threw themselves at Seb, wrapping their arms around his waist and knees and almost knocking him off his feet.
Rebecca had to turn away from the sight to brush away the sudden tears that trickled down her face, her heart aching with the abundance of emotion inside her. Everything she loved was right here in this very room.
She could live with his job and she could watch him walk away from her again if she had to, because she knew he’d always come back to her. Wherever they ended up, he’d be coming home to her.