Numerous people provided feedback on earlier drafts of this book. I am especially indebted to my editor at Simon & Schuster, Shannon Welch, and my editor-for-life, Samantha Martin, for their wisdom, guidance, and patience.
This book reflects the wisdom of the many people who have influenced my thinking over the years, starting, of course, with my family. My maternal grandmother, Clara (Neber) Snider, was a liberated woman way before her time, and had very strong views on many topics; but what she felt most strongly about was her family. My maternal grandfather, Herman Snider, taught me about resilience; his life had many ups and downs—he lost money about as readily as he made it, and he survived a fire—but he kept on keeping on. My paternal grandfather, Henry Greene, taught me the value of humor and not taking oneself too seriously. And my paternal grandmother, Lenore (Sigal) Greene, was tough as nails, an excellent judge of character, and called it like it is. They’re no longer among the living, but they’re all in this book.
My dad, Irving Greene, died twenty-five years ago; we weren’t aware that he was the glue holding the family together until he was gone. My mom is a tenderhearted free spirit who taught me how to care about those who are less fortunate and, later in life, how to overcome adversity. My close relationship with my two siblings, Jill Ammerman and Greg Greene—which might not have been predicted during our childhood—is proof that I’m a lucky brother. They’re always there when I need them. My wife, Melissa, is another tenderhearted soul whose courage and resilience in dealing with the struggles of life have been an inspiration.
My good fortune extends beyond my family. The model of parenting described in this book—now called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions—is a hybrid of many different influences, including social learning theory, family systems theory, transactional/reciprocal models of development, goodness-of-fit theory, neuropsychology, and developmental psychopathology. I’ve had some very good teachers over the years expose me to these models and the brilliant thinkers behind them. I’m a psychologist because, as an undergraduate at the University of Florida, Dr. Betsy Altmaier helped me find my way to the field. In graduate school at Virginia Tech, many others kept the ball rolling, including my mentor, Dr. Thomas Ollendick, and one of my clinical supervisors, Dr. George Clum. Tom taught me about transparency, fairness, and devotion, and about how to think critically. George taught me about people. Many other colleagues across the globe have had a powerful impact as well, just too many to mention here. But you know who you are.
I’ve also learned many things from the thousands of parents, teachers, and kids I’ve had the good fortune to work with over the years. What a distinct pleasure and honor it has been to work with you. Thank you for your trust.
But my own kids, Talia and Jacob, have been my best teachers. Being their dad has been the greatest thrill of my life. They’ve kept me laughing and learning for a very long time. Though I’m mentioning them last, they know they’re number one.