Chapter Twenty-Seven

Evelyn was sobbing fully by the time she returned to the solar. Kenna and Mari were quick to come to her and offer comfort. Not that she deserved it.

“What’s happened?”

She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand and sucked in an uneven breath to answer. “What’s happened is I’m a horrible person and an even more despicable wife.”

“That can’t be true. You’ve made Liam very happy,” Mari was quick to come to her defense.

She shook her head. “No. Liam would be happy with anyone, it’s the way he is. He would be so no matter who he called wife. And I just…” She moaned as she sunk to the floor. “I hurt him horribly.”

Kenna and Mari attempted to soothe her and get the whole story out of her, but Evelyn couldn’t tell them everything. She knew she’d see the disgust in their eyes, and worse, warranted their judgment.

She hadn’t been able to tell Liam the truth of why she didn’t want to take another child into her heart. It would already be enough to have to walk away from Gwennie and Liam. But to become a mother to Sheamus—a boy whom she already cared for—would be another piece of her heart left behind if she needed to return to her father and do her duty. How could she do it?

“I was rash and selfish.” She’d thought of nothing past protecting her already aching heart. “But I was wrong.”

Mari and Kenna said nothing but continued to sit by her. Their hands on her back offering support, despite her words.

“I’m a vile person,” she finally said.

“That’s not true,” Kenna said. “What you were was caught off guard. Your reaction may have been extreme, but Liam shouldn’t have presented it to you in such a way and not given you the time to think it through.”

Mari nodded in agreement. “You should think it through now. You know what Liam wants, but this is your family, too. You have to be sure. It will be much harder to bring the boy into your home and then realize you’re not comfortable with such an arrangement.”

“Yes. All right. I’ll think about it seriously.” She gathered herself and stood. “I’ll be back. Will you watch after Gwennie?”

They smiled without the judgment she’d expected. Perhaps they had more faith in her than she had in herself. “Of course, take your time.”

Evelyn left the castle, planning nothing more than to go for a walk by the loch to think, but instead she found herself in the village. It didn’t take but a few questions to locate the boy Liam had thought to make their son.

He was even skinnier than he’d been the last time she’d seen him. His large green eyes had shadows under them, and his wheat-colored hair was filthy. Evelyn smiled to herself when she thought of how he offered yet a different set of features to their motley group.

Liam didn’t seem to care what their children would look like as long as they were happy and there were plenty of them.

“Hello there. Do you remember me?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Would you mind walking with me for a bit?” she asked, feeling nervous. He was just a child, one she’d known before, yet she felt she might find herself lacking.

He agreed and followed along beside her, a silent companion as she talked about how lovely the day was. But, of course, it wouldn’t be lovely to him. He’d lost his parents today. She frowned at her mistake and went about asking him questions about himself. He answered politely with short answers.

She bought them each a meat pie and handed the rest of hers over when he finished his eagerly.

“Is it good?”

“Aye.” When he smiled, she noticed one of his teeth was missing; the new one was already growing in.

“I shall get you another pie. I know what it’s like to be hungry.” She brushed a piece of hair from his face so it didn’t get into his food. He needed a wash and his clothes didn’t fit properly. She imagined Madra had done her best and her heart squeezed to think of the woman Evelyn had assumed was safe.

She hadn’t lied to the lad. She did understand hunger. When she’d been a prisoner of the McCurdys, they’d not spared a lot of food for her. “Being hungry is a horrible thing.”

When he’d finished off the third, they continued on.

“I remember your mother called you Shea.” Evelyn stopped to look at him. “I’m sorry about your mother. It must’ve been horrible. I hate that you had to see it, and I know you will miss her.”

“My father beat her until she stopped moving.” He said it as if it were nothing more than fact. As if he wasn’t personally affected by this tragedy. Already he’d found a way to protect himself by distancing himself from what happened, much as she had done. He’d need someone to help him through this. Someone he could open up to so these memories would not haunt him the way hers did. “They hanged my da.”

Evelyn rested her hand on her chest, hoping to keep her heart from breaking for this poor child.

“I understand it may be difficult, but I must say I’m glad for it, for what he did to your mother was very wrong.”

“Aye.” He nodded. “I won’t miss him at all. A right bugger he was.”

While Evelyn didn’t approve of his language, she thought it was most likely the best description for the beast.

“I imagine he hurt you as well.”

Rather than answer, the boy shrugged and looked away. His voice dropped. “I tried to help my mum, but I was too little.”

Evelyn kneeled down to his level so she could look him in the eyes. “You shouldn’t have needed to protect her. And I am sorry I didn’t come back to check on you and your mother. I’ll always regret that I didn’t. But I am proud of you, that you tried to help. You’re a very brave lad.”

If any doubts remained about whether she could stop herself from loving this little boy, they were cast aside when his bottom lip quivered and his green eyes glistened with tears he was too proud to let fall.

Shea needed someone to tell him it was fine to cry when he needed to. And she wanted to be that person. She didn’t know what would happen if her father came for her, but having one more person binding her to this place wouldn’t matter. She couldn’t save herself from the pain.

Slowly, she held out her arms. He didn’t need a verbal invitation to take the two steps to slam into her so she could wrap him in her embrace.

“Liam and I would be honored to have a brave boy like you join our family. You could be a brother to Gwennie, if you would want such a thing.”

“I would have to share my food only with my new sister?” he asked.

She laughed with tears in her eyes. “We will see to it you’re not hungry.”

His eyes went wide with surprise. “Truly?”

“I promise.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Does the war chief drink much?”

She shook her head. “No. Not at all. He will see you have plenty of wooden rabbits.” Not to mention his love and protection.

Shea’s eyes lit up with recognition.

“Would you like to come live with us?”

“He doesna hit ye?”

Evelyn thought she might be ill to think what this child had lived with in his short life. The questions he asked made it clear he was worried of such a thing happening again.

“Never. He is kind and good.” So much kinder than she.

He nodded. “Can I get my things first?”

“Of course. We can stop on the way home.”

He put his hand in hers as they walked back to the Hardy’s modest cottage. They were good people, just filled to the rafters with their own children. Evelyn explained that she was going to take him. Mrs. Hardy seemed relieved to have one less mouth to feed.

Evelyn watched as Shea collected the small wooden rabbits Liam had given him. They were all he had, and it tightened her throat to see the care he took in gathering them.

After saying his farewells, he and Evelyn continued to the castle. She couldn’t stop telling him about his new home and the other children, reminding him of the short time he’d spent there as his mother had healed from her injuries. They’d stopped to give him a good bath in the bailey, and she’d gotten clothes from Kenna.

She couldn’t wait to find Liam and tell him the news, but he wasn’t at dinner.

When night fell, she began to worry about him. Lachlan told her he might stay out the night if he had a lot to think about.

After being captured by the McCurdys, she was much too afraid to go looking for him in the dark. Even on the MacKinlay lands, nasty things lurked in the darkness.

When she entered the chamber, she thanked the nurse for getting the children settled, but then she realized only Gwennie was in the small bed.

“Where’s Shea?” She spun to look for the boy.

“He’s there.” The woman pointed to the dark corner of the room before leaving.

Evelyn moved the candle so she could see. There on the floor on the scrap of fabric he’d brought with him lay Shea, fast asleep.

“That won’t do at all,” Evelyn said as she bent to scoop him into her arms. Despite being taller, he was not much heavier than Gwennie. They’d see he was fed so he’d grow strong.

She nudged Gwennie over a bit so there was room for Shea and covered them both with the blanket. After placing a kiss on each of their heads she climbed in bed.

She left the light burning and turned on her side so she could watch her children sleep.