“Let perseverance be your engine and hope your fuel.”
—H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
I have come to believe, and believe powerfully, that when we are willing to take responsibility for changing ourselves, we become unlimited in potential. We have the ability to improve by gradual degrees in any direction we choose for as long as we live. And everything that happens can be something to grow us and evolve us and raise us to the next level of understanding and contentment and the next.
The trouble with notaccepting responsibility for ourselves is that we feel helpless, and that makes us grabby and greedy. It empowers the “more” mentality. We don’t realize our ability to be patient and trusting, so we push to the front and demand our share first, or demand more than our share. And the people we meet on this path are doing the same thing. We are all pushing and grabbing and trying to get there first, wherever “there” might be.
When we act this way, we have no faith in time, no faith in there being enough, and no faith in our being enough. We are empty and crazy with lust. Our wants are urgent, and we don’t care who we hurt in order to satisfy them. But by maintaining this mindset, we entirely miss the point, and our dissatisfaction becomes a vicious cycle. We grab for as much as we can get, and in so doing, we show no love and compassion for others. And maybe we spend money that we don’t have to try to change our internal feelings of isolation, or maybe we overeat, or maybe we bounce from one empty intimate relationship to another. All this because we refuse to own the divine spark within us and the power of our own light. As a result, our problems are largely the product of our not believing in our own wholeness and lacking faith in our ability to step up and take responsibility for the condition of our lives.
We are famously good at the blame game. We blame our parents, our upbringing, our jobs, and our bosses. We blame our financial condition. We blame our ex-husbands, ex-wives, current husbands, and current wives. We blame our third-grade teacher and our old friend. We blame our digestion, the traffic, the weather—anything will do as long as it takes the responsibility off of us. We point the finger and create imaginary distance. These are the things responsible for our dissatisfaction. If only they were different, we would be happy. Our unhappiness is their fault. Or is it?
Perhaps not. Perhaps, our unhappiness exists primarily inside of us—in our perspective, our attitude, and our system of beliefs. And if that’s the case, that’s good news, because these are things we have the power to change! This is the thinking behind this book. My hope is to empower you as the reader to claim your happiness by changing what’s not working in your life. It can be done by making adjustments in your habits and your point of view.
I have learned this from my own experience. As a young adult, I struggled with addictive and compulsive behaviors. I was “grabby” to the extreme. I turned to anything and everything to make me happy; sometimes I would get a burst of temporary euphoria, but nothing that I landed upon ever kept me happy. I was in a cycle of constantly seeking, and I was empty on the inside.
Eventually, I reached an emotional and physical bottom. My craving and grasping led me to bankruptcy on every level, and my life was out of control. I came to a point where I had to get honest and become willing to make changes, or self-destruct by default. I had a choice: a defining moment. I could step out of denial and take ownership of my mess and begin to climb out of the mire, or I could continue to spiral downward. With courage and guidance, I chose to get honest. And that has changed everything.
But honesty is uncomfortable. I had to look at my darkness. I had to look at my dysfunction, and dis-ease, and the layer upon layer of my self-limiting beliefs. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do because my ego could no longer protect me. I was completely undraped. No pretense was left and no pretense was possible. I was raw and vulnerable and willing to change. And in this tender state, I was unexpectedly set free from all falsehood. I was as I was: imperfect, but not alone. I came to understand that others who had gone before me and were a bit farther down the path could help me find my way. And just as others were there to guide me, I hope that this book may serve as a guide to you.
I believe that the process of self-discovery is the most important work that we have in this lifetime. Embarking on this journey can be unsettling and is no easy task, but I also believe that in the end, what we discover will not be some dark and scary apparition, but a being of pure light and pure love. That’s who we are. And yet, our fear of the unknown keeps us trapped behind a veil of our own making. We are shielded from our glory. We let our misperceptions, our coping mechanisms, and our unhealthy habits define us.
This book is for those who have the courage to look behind the veil, explore the depths of their own being, and live their best life—not some compromised, settled-for existence, but a shining and glorious vibrant life! This does not come without effort. It requires a mindset that believes in what’s possible, a willingness to be honest, and the courage to change. Enlightened living requires persistence, diligence, and self-reflection. If you want to be free from what limits you, I encourage you to make the decision now to do whatever it takes.
I have been a personal trainer and massage therapist for fifteen years, and I have worked with all kinds of people with all kinds of attitudes. I have worked with their bodies, their diets, and their challenges in life. I have both witnessed and experienced self-defeat, pride, false humility, and fear in every form. And equally so, I have witnessed and experienced absolute authenticity, courage, and the power of love. I have been privy to incredible change and growth in some of my clients, and stagnation and a kind of flatline maintenance of the status quo in others. The difference is in people’s attitudes, their beliefs, and their willingness to take action. This book and this journey are not for the skeptical and the cynical; they are for those who aren’t afraid to do the work that it takes to evolve.
The Art of Good Habits is built on the pillars of four spiritual principles: honesty, willingness, awareness, and appreciation.And while each of these has applications across the board in regard to our well-being, one more than the other is associated with each main topic. Developing good habits in relation to our health is primarily linked to our ability to be honest, our experience of love has to do with our level of willingness, our experience of presence is affiliated with awareness, and prosperity comes from appreciation.
The order of the main topics follows the same direction of each chapter and of the book’s larger purpose, making a kind of progression within a progression like a stack of Russian nesting dolls. To change habits, there is an evolutionary pathway that starts with honesty, moves through willingness and awareness, and ends in appreciation. You will notice that each exercise is connected to one of these principles and that the first one in each section is honesty, and the last one is appreciation. My thesis throughout is that by using these principles in the manner suggested, you can come to enjoy a sense of empowerment and control over challenging issues in your life.
Consequently, if you fully make this book your own, participate in the exercises, and actively involve yourself in the process of reading, considering, and self-reflecting, you will benefit the most. The Art of Good Habits is not designed as entertainment, although it may be entertaining. It is designed for guidance, a kind of road map to wellness and life satisfaction. But looking at a map is not the same thing as using one. Even a GPS system doesn’t do much good if we hear what’s being said but don’t follow the cue.
I encourage you to read with a pen in your hand. Underline, take notes, scribble in the columns, and do the exercises! Or, if you prefer, do all of that electronically, but involve yourself beyond the act of simply reading the words. The point is to find a way to integrate the suggested concepts into your actual life circumstances so that you can reap the benefits. This book has a purpose, and the purpose is for you as the reader to feel better than you ever thought possible. It’s simple, but not easy, to raise your awareness, overcome your limiting beliefs, and embrace the wealth that you carry within.
Ours is a vital role—the most vital role—in the level of happiness that we experience. It requires a particular attitude, and does not come from having the perfect body, the ideal lover, or a winning lottery ticket. Being happy or unhappy doesn’t depend on how effectively we race against time, or how much we accomplish. It is the result of having respect for what matters and demonstrating that effectively in our behavior and in our approach to life.
This is the beginning of a journey through health, love, presence, and prosperity. It involves the application of skill and creative imagination, the merging of the practical with the divine, and the reconciling of spiritual principles with concrete action steps. This is The Art of Good Habits. I invite you to turn the page, and open your mind.