“I think the time apart will be good for you. You’ll find your way back to each other. Nine years is a big investment! There was a reason you were together. And sometimes, something that’s a little broken can be even more beautiful. Did you know in Japanese pottery there’s this thing—”
“Sorry, but he can’t get mad at you for being bitchy. He married you knowing you’re a bitch. It would be so unfair to divorce you over it. And it’s not official yet—legally speaking, you’re still his bitch wife who he loves. He’ll get over it. He’ll get over it, and he’ll come back, and you can figure out what to do with the posters or whatever, but eventually it’ll make you guys so much stronger. After I had that thing with that guy in college, I thought Greg would never forgive me, but we worked through it, and now we only fight about it, like, once a year, maybe twice if we get really drunk. I don’t even think I’d take it back. Going through all that made us as strong as we are now. We went to this exhibit at the AGO, and—”
“Have you thought about couples therapy? I know he can be difficult . . . and don’t take this the wrong way . . . but I feel like being with you is probably not a cakewalk either. I mean that as a compliment, like you know what you want. I think if anything, I’d love to be more that way, but I also think it would drive Ade bananas and honestly might do the same for me. I think you should call him. He might surprise you. The other day I went to this craft fair with my mom, and this woman selling these gorgeous earthenware centerpieces told us about—”
“He still hasn’t answered your email? Men are trash. Every single man alive is a pile of actual trash. Why don’t I set you up with someone? My cousin is single. He’s got a decent job and he’s a total sweetie, and the only downside is that he’s definitely one of those white guys who’s too obsessed with Japan. Always going on about . . . actually, you might find this interesting—”
“God, I had no idea it was so hard to get a divorce. When Sammy and I broke up she just, like, took her loom and was out of there. But I guess it gives you some time to get super-hot and show up to sign the papers like, Sorry, who are you? You should get some big earrings. Also remind me to send you a link to this video I saw somewhere, I’ll have to find it. It’s about the concept that you can embrace the cracks in things, like if you—”
“Man, sorry to hear that. I had no idea. I ran into him the other day. He looked pretty good, I’m sorry to say. He was with a wo— Hey, have you ever heard of k—”