DURING CLASS, TYLER RESPECTS my wishes and doesn’t sit next to me. He relaxes into his previous seat, four rows down, next to the shameless blonde. They whisper back and forth throughout the lesson, with the occasional suppressed giggle floating up to where I sit—alone—feeling more sorry for myself with each passing minute.
When class is finally over, I feel Tyler’s eyes watching my hurried escape. The familiar warmth of his stare penetrates my defensive walls and threatens my resolve against turning back.
It scares me how quickly I’ve become comfortable around him. Similar to a heated blanket or warm milk, he soothes away the cold of seclusion and heartbreak. He fills in the void that’s eroding away inside of me. And I’m envious of anyone who gets to take my place before I’ve even had the chance to truly enjoy it.
After I arrive home, I’m surprised to find Nick’s there, early again. I walk by his parked BMW and watch my elongated reflection skim across the gleaming black paint. When I reach the front door, I open it and step inside.
“Nick?” I call across the house to see where he is.
He doesn’t answer.
I move farther inside.
A faint murmuring hits my ears, and I’m suddenly moving faster in the direction of the noise. Each step, it becomes louder and clearer—more distinct. The grunts and moans that follow, sound of pure ecstasy. My feet stomp their way into my bedroom where Nick and the raven-haired hostess from the restaurant—from our first date—are vigorously having sex on our bed.
My hand covers the gasp on my inhale, but it doesn’t mute the sound. The girl must hear me because she turns in shock, covering her breasts modestly. She climbs off Nick to scramble for her clothes. Her silken sheets of intense black hair sway around her while she stammers words of apology. She insists she never knew he was married. And by the smirk on his face while he lies on the bed—unabashedly unaffected by my entrance—I’m willing to believe her.
I don’t see her leave. I can’t take my eyes off my husband as my anger dams my tears. I move to confront him. But before I can utter a word, he smugly says, “Now we’re even.”
I’m momentarily speechless. Though the words finally find their place on my tongue and I snap at him.
“How can we be even? I never cheated on you!”
My fury and hurt boil under my skin. After holding everything in for so long, I strongly need the release.
“I never slept with Tyler! But I did find you having sex with another woman. In. Our. Bed! What is wrong with you? Where is the man I married? I don’t even know who you are anymore…I’ve had enough! I’m done!…We’re done! I want a divorce!”
I grab a suitcase from the closet and start to gather my things. I have no idea where I’m going, but it has to be anywhere but here.
He’s across the room in a heartbeat. “You’re not going anywhere!” His crushing grip locks over my wrist to halt my departure.
“Let me go!” I forcibly tug at my arm. My attempt to free myself from his grasp is futile. He refuses to let go.
He tightens his hold.
He’s too strong for me to fight against, but I have no choice. I have to try.
My knee rises toward his stomach with force. He buckles over in pain, and I prepare to sprint. “YOU BITCH!” he roars. More unsavoury words spew from his mouth as he lunges for me. He’s too quick. His arm wraps around my middle, lifting me off the floor. My flailing body writhes to release itself from his control but is thrown roughly onto the bed.
The smell of sex and sweat permeates around me as he forces me to stay put. I retch on the memory. My disgust for him is immeasurable.
I continue to fight.
To claw.
That’s when his fist comes down.
I hear the crack in my cheek, followed by the shooting pain of fractured bone. Stars flit across my vision, and I can feel my eye swelling shut. Warm liquid streams over my cheek, and I know it has to be blood.
My hands and feet cycle in front of me to keep him from using his weight against me. One foot connects with his bare chest and pushes him back. I take advantage of the few seconds of reprieve to scramble off the bed for my phone before he rights himself.
I grasp tightly around my one link to the outside world. I try to unlock it, but my fingers feel like they’ve doubled in size. My panic is causing a tremble to flow down to my fingertips, and I can’t find the coordination needed to press three simple numbers.
Nick’s large hand rips the phone away and throws it across the room. By some miracle, it’s not broken, and it’s the one blessing I get to appreciate in this awful situation.
He bends over and snarls inches from my face, “You. Will. Not. Leave. Me! And you will tell no one about this! Do you hear me? No police! Because if you do, I will kill your poor attempt at replacing me. Then, I will come after you.”
I try to crawl away, once more, but he swings again, etching his threat into my broken skin. When it connects, the pain is immense—unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I collapse hard onto the floor. I’m feeling woozy and lightheaded, and I struggle to separate up from down. My fight leaves me. My strength is floating away with my consciousness. Barely visible from where I lie.
He rolls me back over, and the weight of his body presses into me, holding me in place. His unsatisfied arousal is hard against me. The muscles of his arms cage me in as he strokes my face. His anger has vanished, and he becomes tender and amiable. His moods seem to ping pong at random, and I never know when the other side will emerge.
“Why did you make me do this, Pixie? You knew I couldn’t let you leave. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Remember? We’ve both made mistakes. Let’s put this behind us. Together.”
He leans down to kiss me gently, at first, then moans as he applies more pressure. His lips move against my stationary ones as I try to process the roller coaster of his emotions. I’m frozen in fear and pain. Nausea churns in my stomach with loathing and disgust. He seems unfazed by my revulsion and continues to work over my mouth, expressing the love I’ve been longing for him to give me. But it’s damaged. It’s fractured beyond repair.
I don’t know how to move on from here. I’m on a path to hell, and there’s nowhere to get off. I’m not allowed to leave. He won’t allow it. So, I relinquish my soul to the devil above me and numbly return the kiss.