THE SUN IS TRYING to break through the dark clouds crawling across the sky. Its rays peak through a small opening in the fluff, while light rain falls around them. Nearby, a rainbow saturates the sky with colour. It’s absolutely beautiful how the light fights its way through the darkness. It’s inspirational.
This is what I love about Idaho. The natural beauty. The atmosphere that’s not manufactured or altered. Its mountainous landscape is breathtaking. And it’s easy to find yourself wandering in a place that looks untouched by pollution or industry. That’s why I chose to move here. The peace. It was a great place to start over, and I’ve come to love the people here, too.
When I moved to Ketchum, about ten and a half months ago, I didn’t have anything but the bag I haphazardly packed before I left. I used most of what was left of my tuition money to purchase a bus ticket. So when I arrived, I had to find a job quickly. Luckily, the local diner was desperately in need of a new waitress, and I was hired on the spot. The sweet woman who hired me passed me an apron and said, “There are customers waiting at table three in the corner,” and guided me in the right direction. I’m glad I’ve watched a lot of movies, or I would’ve stood there dumbfounded, making her reconsider her decision.
Shortly after, I was working full time and enjoying the generous tips of truck drivers passing through, a small apartment—that I share with my roommate, Christina—and a small group of people I can call my friends. They help to pass the time, but I miss my family and old friends very much. I considered going back to live with them, but I needed to put some space between me, and the ones I love, to ensure their safety. At least until I’m sure I’m officially divorced and Nick has forgotten about me.
I’m also sorry for the way I left Tyler with no explanation. His friendship helped me when I needed it the most. I miss it. I miss him. He’s someone that left a lasting impression. His humble smile, heartfelt eyes, and safe arms…they’re definitely hard to forget.
I’ve often tried to call him. But when I pick up the phone, I can’t bring myself to dial his number. I’m not sure why I can’t. Maybe it’s because I’m ashamed of how I left, with no goodbye. Or maybe I’m too scared to admit that I could feel something for him, someday.
The idea of any relationship now has me hyperventilating, and wishing I could hide from my thoughts. Nick proved to me that the rules of what to look for in a relationship are faulty. He was everything I could’ve asked for…until he wasn’t…and I became his temporary punching bag. Up became down. Down became up. My entire equilibrium became unbalanced. My world became flat, and I tumbled over the edge into the hell he created for me. I was broken. Broken on the inside where no amount of bandages or makeup can cover the damage.
I needed a place to hide. After changing my name, and forgetting about my previous life, I was a new woman. I am a new woman. Here, I’m known as Dawn, the young waitress at Meredith’s Diner. The one who refuses to talk about her past.
“Hey Dawn,” Christina calls on her way from table two. “I have to take a bathroom break. Can you keep an eye on my tables for me?”
“Yeah, go ahead,” I say as I wave her away.
Christina is one of the previously mentioned friends that helps me pass the time here. Her new single status—from a waste-of-space ex—opened up a lot of time for nights filled with ice cream and sappy movies. But since my friend—and roommate—is very much pregnant, I’m usually left with well picked-over salty ice cream, and a hit-and-miss shot at being able to use the bathroom.
By the time I’ve finished topping up a couple of coffees and distributing a few slices of pie, Christina returns from the ladies’ room and relieves me from my duties. My shift is over, and I’m looking forward to getting off my feet.
It’s been a long day.
As I sit my apron on the counter, I hear the jingle of the bell over the diner’s front door, alerting us to the arrival of another customer. Christina is busy with a table full of rowdy kids—looking like she’s reconsidering motherhood—so I decide to take on one more table before I leave, to help ease some of her stress.
With my pencil and notepad in hand, I walk over to our newest seated patron. From behind, I see he’s sitting comfortably, with his arm resting over the back of the booth’s seat. He looks to be muscular, and similar in shape and size to…I shake away the thought. My paranoia is obviously resurfacing.
When I first arrived here, I would constantly be looking over my shoulder, expecting to see Nick at any moment. I would experience the cliche hallucinations of seeing him everywhere I went. His face haunted me. It would occupy my days and nights relentlessly until I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s when Christina moved in, under the guise of me not being able to afford my apartment by myself, which, isn’t exactly false. Even with the tips, the pay from the diner is just enough to pay my bills, with not much left over.
I step up beside him, with my head momentarily tipped down, readying my paper to take notes.
“Welcome to Meredith’s Diner. My name is…” The words get trapped in my mouth when I look up at the man in front of me. It feels like my airways are constricting. My breath stutters as panic creeps in. My heart races and sweat beads on my forehead. The pencil in my trembling hand shakes sporadic lines across the paper, writing my fear in a language of its own.
“Hello, Pixie.” His smooth voice used to be soothing to me, but now it’s sharp against my ears.
An incessant ringing sounds in my head, just before everything muffles. The room starts to darken before it spins.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not now!
I focus on a scratch on the edge of the table until the wooziness subsides, but still teeter on the spot, slightly unbalanced.
Christina’s voice cuts through the chaos in my mind, “Dawn? Are you okay?”
Her hand falls on my shoulder and I jump, startled from the contact. I can’t move my lips. I try to convey my fear with my eyes, but she’s oblivious as Nick’s handsome face catches her eye.
“Hi, I’m Nick, Dawn’s husband,” he slyly introduces, not missing a beat.
Christina’s eyes bulge, and she looks at me in shock. “You never told me you were married. Why are you living with me, then?”
“I…”
“Because I did something really stupid, and she wanted to teach me a lesson,” he says with a practised endearing smile, not taking his eyes off of me.
“It’s been a long time to hold a grudge. Remind me not to piss you off, Dawn,” she chides, obviously accepting his fodder.
“Yes, it is. And now I’ve come to get my wife back. I miss her dearly.” Nick lays it on thick, and Christina eats it up with the hunger of two.
“I still don’t forgive you,” I aim back less confidently than I had hoped.
Christina’s eyes bounce back and forth between us, then bows out saying, “I’m going to leave you two alone. It looks like you have a lot to talk about.” She directs her gaze to me and says, “Give him a chance, Dawn. He looks like he’s really sorry,” then leaves me alone with the devil himself.
His hand reaches out to grasp mine, and I try to pull back. But his grip tightens, not willing to let go. He speaks to me with a sarcastic tone that morphs into a concealed warning.
“Yes, Dawn. Give me a chance. We have a lot to talk about…Now, go tell your friend, there, that you’re going to talk to me now, and you probably won’t be home until late.”
The threat in his words leaves no room for debate. Our game of hide-and-seek has ended, and he’s won. He’s found me. I’ve earned the title of the loser, and it’s time to receive my consolation prize.
I consider running away, but I know he’ll find me. He’s not done with me yet, and I know he’s waiting to punish me for my disobedience. I immediately decide that fighting him is futile, so I follow his directions and say goodbye to Christina, knowing it will probably be the last time I see her.