AFTER SEVERAL ATTEMPTS TO unlock Tyler’s handcuffs—using a cliche bobby pin—I’m finally able to free him from his restraints. Red welts mark the chafed skin, reminding me of my own wounds that were forgotten in the chase. The burn of the pavement’s resistance, when I fell, still bites into the skin on my knee, and I know it’ll need to be tended to as soon as we find a safe place to stay.
“We need to keep moving,” he states, leaving no room for debate. Yet no contradictory words come to mind.
I know we can’t stay, but any option we come up with feels discouraging. He’ll find us, wherever we go. The knowledge of this makes the idea of leaving pointless, though I don’t have it in me to surrender. I’ve had enough of his domination. So, whether it’s from stupidity or brazenness, we decide to move farther north than my previous escape and settle on Montana, The Treasure State.
Following hours on the highway, the previous excitement of a new life has been tumbled beneath our wheels. The monotonous scenery fades into the background as I stare out the window. It blurs behind the sadness of recognition that our new home may not be safe either. With Nick’s shadow darkening its potential, it might not ever feel like home.
But when the same mountain scenery that I loved so much in Idaho comes into view, I find myself in awe and reconsidering my stance. The beauty of the small city of Lewistown is hard to put into words. With its land nestled between two mountain ranges, it feels safe, concealed inside the encircled centre. Here, we’re separate from the outside world. Sheltered.
Maybe we can build a life here, in its natural seclusion.
We find an affordable inn on the outskirts of the town-like centre. It’s quaint and has vacancies, therefore, it topped our list of choices of one. We plan to stay here until we can afford something more permanent, but for now, it’s perfect.
Once we have our keys, we find our room and begin unpacking. The cozy atmosphere of the earth-toned walls, and clean, crisp, white sheets of our king size bed, are calling to us to take advantage of their comfort. The long drive has taken every last drop of our energy, and we both collapse onto the soft mattress, relishing in the much-needed luxury.
My lids grow heavy, and it’s not long before I’m reliving the nightmare that brought me here.
Strong fingers grip my shoulders, pinning me down. I writhe beneath the grappling. My heart races. It pains. It hurts. He promised to love me, but he’s reneging his declaration in favour of angered hands.
They dig into my flesh with loathing and ill intent.
They strike.
They harm.
They hate.
They break what’s left of my spirit and leave me a hollow shell of the woman I used to be.
He steals my voice. It’s useless to cry for help. I’m alone. My need to scream will only fall on deaf ears. My only release lies in the waterfall of tears that tumbles over my cheeks. Only the sound of my whimpers is able to voice my disdain.
“Allie…Allie.” Tyler’s sweet voice breaks through the turbulence in my mind. It draws me far from the hell in my subconscious before it can pull me into its depths.
“You’re okay. I’ve got you now. No one can hurt you here,” he soothes, as he pulls me into a comforting embrace.
I dampen the shirt beneath my cheek when my emotions spill out. My reality has been brought to the surface. Though I’ve wanted to bury it beneath the new soil we’ve travelled on, it’s still able to crawl into my thoughts with its gritty nails and scratch its filth into my open wounds.
“Hey, everything’s going to be alright. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. I have no doubt that you’re going to get through this.”
Tyler provides me with unwarranted assurances. He’s wrong. I haven’t been strong. I’ve been weak for allowing Nick to control my every move. But it all stops now. I won’t allow him to own me anymore. He can no longer dictate my every move.
I won’t go back.
He can’t make me.
I refuse to submit to his domination any more, even if my rebellion initiates a battle that could take my last breath. Because living under his thumb is not living. It’s surrendering…waving the white flag. Wordlessly admitting that I’m not worth the respect.
Spending time with Tyler has shown me what it means to be valued—truly cared for. It’s opened my eyes and given me sight when I’ve hidden behind closed lids for so long. I never saw the signs as they presented themselves. They crept in stealthily, concealed by my blind love, and were enabled by my forgiveness. I can see that now. And I’m not willing to turn a blind eye to the abuse again.
I settle into the warmth of Tyler’s chest and let it calm me. My tears have since dried, and sleep, once again, takes me in its grasp. Though this time it handles me with care, keeping the things that terrify me locked away, unable to terrorize me.
When I finally wake, I’m still cocooned in Tyler’s arms, with his chin pressed against the top of my head. His warm breath blows a steady, quiet snore through the strands of my hair as he sleeps. The sound is tranquil. It purrs his contentment and expresses mine as well.
I snuggle my face into his neck and inhale the intoxicating scent. His smell represents home for me—shelter. It’s masculine—savoury and strong—with a hint of sweetness, like the man encasing me.
My inhalation must tickle the side of his neck because he lifts his shoulder, then stirs. His reaction makes me smile, and I make sure to set aside this knowledge for later use.
“Good morning.” My voice struggles to come out. It’s heavy with sleep, and I fight back a yawn.
He looks down over his chin. “Good morning.” His sexy rasp vibrates against my cheek.
I lean up on my elbow to look at him. A five o-clock shadow speckles along his jaw, tempting my fingers to play with the scruff. Every shade looks good on him, and the temptation becomes successful persuasion.
I reach for the side of his face, letting the prickles skim my fingertips. The roughness tickles the sensitive skin as I explore each and every contour. He licks his lips with purpose, and I instinctively satisfy their ambition. Leaning forward, I press against their softness, savouring the tingles that result from their touch.
My body warms, and my heart expands in my chest. It fills to bursting with the feelings he incites. The sincerity of his movements compel the broken parts of me to mend. It stitches together each piece, enforcing the bond with its honesty. It articulates the respect he has for me and the gentleness he’s capable of. He’s teaching me about the man he is, and I humbly accept his instruction.
His tongue skims the seam of my mouth, asking to enter. I eagerly part in anticipation of his entrance and join him in a dance. We both twirl our affection, tasting and prodding. We explore the newness of our discovery, learning each other’s rhythm. We move in unison, anticipating the next move.
Tyler’s hand travels over my side and stops on my hip. He squeezes gently before pulling me closer. My body is now flush with his, and I can feel the hardness of each muscle against my heated skin.
His hand splays across my lower back as he holds me to him. He’s not forceful, just firm. He makes his wants known, though allows for the possibility of my rejection. The consideration causes my attraction to him to expound, and a soft moan escapes me. He answers with one of his own as I nibble on his bottom lip. I move to the top and back again, thoroughly appreciating everything he gives me.
I’ve been starved of true affection for so long, I gobble it up in droves. The feeling of a gentle hand becomes like a drug. I can’t get enough. I move against him while my hands trace over the muscles in his back—only covered by the thin fabric of his shirt. The tendons fluidly flex beneath their touch, rolling gracefully beneath the taut skin. My boundaries are blurring with each passing second.
I pause.
Tyler must sense my brief hesitation, as he backs away slightly—just enough to allow for a tiny space to separate us. His forehead wrinkles with worry when he scans my face.
“Are you okay? We don’t have to do this.”
“I’m okay. I just…I feel so safe with you that I get lost in the moment…”
He gives me a knowing smile.
“If you feel things are moving too fast, you need to let me know, okay? I don’t want anything to jeopardize what we have—whatever this ends up being.”
I nod my head to let him know I understand, then clarify, “For what it’s worth, I think this is something pretty amazing.”
His grin grows with my confession. “It is, isn’t it?”
“It is,” I reaffirm, then stretch up to meet him with one more chaste kiss, feeling happiness bloom in my chest.
At least something good came out of all the bad that’s found its way into my life. Tyler’s presence has provided me with its warm light. It shines through all of the darkness that Nick has shadowed me in, and points its beam toward a brighter future. One free of violence and abuse, and filled with many more moments like this—with a man who would never hurt me.