Six

Still half asleep, I reached out to put my arm around Annie, but missed. My eyes popped open and I pawed her half of the bed. The retching sounds coming from the bathroom solved the mystery.

In a flash, I was at the door. Annie was on her knees, heaving into the toilet bowl. My first aid training kicked in, so I went to the sink and ran cold water over a washcloth. Once it was good and soaked, I wrung it out and placed it on her neck. The heaving had stopped, but she was still taking in ragged, deep breaths.

After a few minutes, she flushed and sat back on her haunches. "Guess I should have taken the anti-nausea medication, huh?" She shuddered and leaned against the bathroom wall. "Can I get another washcloth, please?"

I soaked a fresh one and placed in on her forehead. A tear ran down her cheek from one closed eye. Once I was settled in next to her, she placed her hand on top of mine and leaned her head on my shoulder.

The clock on the wall above us kept up its steady tick-tock as we sat side by side for I don't know how long. Sleep had almost captured me again when Annie took a deep breath and squeezed my hand.

"I think the worst is over."

"Do you want to go back to bed?"

She ran her hand through her hair. "What time is it?"

"About four. Come on, let's get you comfortable, and I'll get you your medicine." It wasn't until I'd gotten her in bed and brought her the anti-nausea medicine that Annie finally opened her eyes.

They were the most bloodshot I'd ever seen.

She downed the pills with a drink of water, closed her eyes again and curled into the fetal position. "Will you stay with me?"

I slipped under the covers and gave her a light as a feather back massage. "This is day three after your treatment. Doctor Hill said this would be the worst day. From now on, we'll know to start the nausea meds sooner, okay?"

She gave a quick nod but didn't say anything. I lay there and watched her. I'd never seen my North Star in such pain before. What compounded my distress was the feeling that from here, it was going to get a whole lot worse before it started to get better.

It took a while, but Annie's breathing eventually smoothed out as she fell back asleep. Only then could I relax enough to drift off myself.

A poke to my stomach woke me back up. I opened my eyes to gaze right into Annie's. They were much clearer and accompanied by a smile.

"Hi. I'm a lot better now." She took a deep breath. "Sorry about—"

I put my finger to her lips. "Stop. Don't even think about apologizing. If you want to be sorry about something, you can be sorry the Lakers got beat last night."

"Oh lord, that was to the Clippers, too, wasn't it." She grimaced. "I think I'm going to be sick again."

"Yes, the Lakers tend to make me sick, too."

She slapped me on the arm and closed her eyes. "Can I have some toast?"

As the anti-nausea medication built up in her system, Annie's demeanor improved. It took a few days, but her appetite returned, too. The increased appetite led to more energy, so despite the late February cold, Annie agreed to get outside for a daily walk. Usually, we'd take the trail into Broad Ripple and hang out in The Monon Coffee Shop or browse the book store. Miranda texted Annie every day. I never saw what the messages said, but they always made Annie grin.

While perusing the "E" section of CD's at the record store the day before her second treatment, Annie froze with her hand in mid-air. I glanced over to see she was staring at a Melissa Etheridge disc. One of Annie's idols, the long-time rocker had been diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004. Our eyes met and Annie shrugged.

"I've read a few things about the hell she went through. I hope I don't have to go through that."

"But she survived and she's still making records. You will too."

She tugged on a lock of hair by her ear. When she opened her hand, few strands lay across her palm. "I hope so, E.J. I truly hope so."

* * * *

Our first stop back at the Cancer Center was the lab, where a technician took a sample of Annie's blood. When I asked if they'd do this every time, the tech nodded and told us they'd test it for signs of any infection as well as to monitor her platelet level. If her platelets dropped too low, she wouldn't be able to receive her chemo treatments.

She could get too sick to be able to get better. Just great.

Everything checked out, so we trudged toward the infusion area. Staci was seated in a corner and was waving her arm at us like she was lost at sea and we were a rescue plane. She was sporting a black sock cap with a red NC logo on it and a smile full of bright, white teeth. Her skin looked a little ashen, though.

"About time you got here, Annie. I saved you a seat."

Annie gave Staci a hug and kiss on the cheek before settling into the seat next to her. "Nice hat, girl. What's NC?"

"North Central High School. I'm a freshman there." She removed the hat to reveal a completely bald head. "Like my new 'do?"

"I think I'm going to be matching you soon." Annie pulled on her hair and dangled a few strands in front of her.

"Ooh, I could sell those on EBay." Staci made a grab for them, but Annie flicked them at me before Staci could get her hands on them.

"You don't want them now that they're contaminated with E.J. cooties." They both giggled while I brushed the hairs to the floor with as much dignity as I could muster.

Nurse Therese arrived with Annie's chemo bag and got her treatment going while the girls got caught up. Most of the kids at Staci's school were supportive, but a few had taunted her with names like Cue Ball and Benson, a round-headed character from the Cartoon Network's animated series The Regular Show.

"I think you look beautiful," Annie said. She turned to me. "You don't have to stick around. I'll text you when I'm finished and you can pick me up then, yes?"

With Annie settled in, I exchanged high fives with both of the ladies and headed out to run a few errands. I'd knocked a few things off my to-do list when my phone buzzed. By the time I returned, Annie was in the reception area studying a brochure of some sort.

"Interesting reading?"

"Hardly." She sighed and stood. "Wigs. Shall we?"

We were almost home when Annie turned the radio off. "I'm going to see if Randi's available this weekend to come over."

"Sure, we could order a couple of pizzas and hang out. I'm sure—"

"I'm going to ask her to help me cut my hair off." She reached up and pulled a few more strands out. "I can't stand the thought of shedding like a dog."

I didn't know how to respond, so I kept my hands on the wheel and my eyes on the road.

"I don't want a wig, though. And it's not like I need to maintain an appearance at the office." She let out an uneven laugh.

We pulled into the garage, the engine sputtering before growing silent. I put my hand on Annie's arm. "If you want, I could, you know..." I ran my hand through my hair and made a buzzing sound. "As a support kind of thing."

Annie stared at me, a half smile on her lips. She caressed my cheek. "You'd do that for me?"

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"Of course you would. But it's not necessary."

"You sure? I don't mind."

"I'm sure. One baldy in the house will be enough. Besides, even bald, I'm sure I'll look gorgeous. You, on the other hand..." She closed her eyes and shuddered. "The thought of you bald makes me more nauseous than the chemo."

With a peck on the cheek, she was out of the car and in the condo before I could fire off something in my defense.

The following afternoon, a smiling Miranda and a fidgety Ryan were at the door when I answered the bell. Annie was just waking from a nap on the couch. Miranda made a bee line for her, pausing only to give me a quick hug. Ryan stepped inside just enough to close the door behind him.

"So, um, Miranda thought you and me could go get a beer or something while they hang out."

I glanced at my fiancé and her best friend. Annie waved us away with a flick of her wrist.

"Go. You deserve to get away for a while. But we want you back by seven with a couple of pies from Bazbeaux."

I turned to Ryan. He was busy inspecting his fingernails. At that moment, it hit me just how little we knew each other. While Annie and Miranda had become as close as a couple on a tandem bike, Ryan and I got along well, but were hardly buddies. I got my coat and followed Ryan to his Honda Insight.

It wasn't until we got in the car and the engine was running that Ryan spoke again.

"So, uh, what sounds good?"

If I'd been on my own, I would've headed for Cycles Forever, and hung out at the bike shop with Paul and Dave. Ryan wasn't into cycling, so that was out. We couldn't very well go to the Bike Co-op either. Gloria had given me a key after she heard the news and told me to come by whenever I needed a little alone time. I couldn't see Ryan sorting tires with me.

"How about a beer?"

Ryan nodded while his grip on the steering wheel loosened a touch. "Sure, where to?"

We ended up at Dooley Flynn's, a pub that was a favorite of my friends with the Hurling Club. While it was a comfortable, family-friendly place, it was a little off the beaten path. That's what I was looking for though, because I wasn't in the mood to run into acquaintances with their inevitable questions about Annie.

A young lady led us to a wooden table in a corner with a view of the big screen TV showing Iowa battling Northwestern. Large, framed pictures of famous Ireland landmarks like the Cliffs of Moher, Blarney Castle and Trinity University were hung on the sand colored walls. When Ryan asked me about the golden trophy on the wall, I laughed.

"That's the Indy Hurling Club's league championship trophy. I was at the match when Flynn's won the title." We whiled away the afternoon as I spun yarns about the Hurling Club and the rivalries between some of the teams. Ryan refused to believe me when I told him about how the guys from the Mother Earth team had tried to steal the trophy from O'Conner's Pub a few years back. It wasn't until our waitress confirmed the story that Ryan finally gave in.

When the clock struck six, I phoned our dinner order into Bazbeaux's and raised my beer.

"Thanks man. It was nice to get away from it all for a few hours."

Ryan clinked his beer to mine. "Miranda thought it might do you some good. Glad it did."

My mouth was watering from the aroma of the pizzas as I turned my key in the front door lock and opened the door. "Dinner's here," I said after Ryan closed the door behind me. There was no response. I looked down the hall. The spare bedroom door was closed.

I knocked on the door, told the ladies the pizza had arrived and headed to the kitchen to get out plates and utensils. Ryan had just turned on the TV when Miranda appeared.

"E.J." She had her arms crossed and was chewing on her lower lip. After a glance from her, Ryan said he needed to use the bathroom. Once we were alone, Miranda motioned me to the couch.

"I tried to talk Annie into joining us but she refused. Losing her hair's proven to be harder on her than she thought it'd be." Miranda sighed. "I think, given that her hair's been such a big deal over the course of her career, she wasn't prepared for the aftermath. She's very vulnerable right now. She needs you."

I headed down the hall. Annie didn't respond when I knocked, so I opened the door just enough to pop my head in. She was seated in the center of the bed, Indian style. Where there had once been a dark mop of luxurious hair I loved to run my fingers through, there was now a barely visible stubble.

"Hey there. Mind if I join you?"

She looked up from the piece of fabric she was picking at and nodded. While there wasn't any evidence of tears, her slumped shoulders and frown said it all. I sat next to her and wrapped her in my arms. For the longest time, she didn't speak. When she did, despair filled her voice.

"I hate this E.J. I hate it." She pounded her fist into my thigh.

Once again, I got a sense I was dancing through a minefield with my words and the wrong one would lead to a massive explosion. I went for the obvious. "I know you do. I hate it, too. But we're going to beat this. You and me together."

"I'm not scaring you yet?"

I placed my hands on her cheeks. "Look at me and tell me what you see. I love you Annie, the person you are. When I gave you the Claddagh, it was my first promise to you. When I gave you the engagement ring, it was my permanent promise to you. Whatever we face, we face it together."

The corners of her mouth curved up a little as she kept her gaze on me. She blinked, put her hand on my neck and brought me to her. The kiss was brief and very soft, but when she pulled back, there was a little sparkle in her eyes.

"You got the pizza order right, yes?"

"Only one way to find out."

"Touché." Annie rolled off the bed and ran her hand over her almost bald scalp. "Just think of the time and money I'll save on hair styling products and shampoo. Come on. Let's eat. I'm starving."

We were almost to the door when Annie placed her hand on my arm. "You really are my lucky star, E.J."

Once we turned the corner from the hall to the dining area, Annie stopped, executed a little twirl and put her hands out to her sides. "Ta da, it's the new me. What do you think, Ryan?"

With wide eyes, Ryan glanced across the dining room table at Miranda, evidently for guidance. Miranda's smirk told me I'd done okay.

Ryan swallowed. "Um, you look great."

Miranda stuck her lower lip out. "You never tell me I look great."

"That's because you don't look great." Annie flipped a pizza box open and helped herself to a piece of her favorite Indianapolis indulgence. "You look fabulous, my dear. Am I right Ryan?"

"Yeah, yeah. You look fabulous." He and Annie grinned at each other while Miranda rolled her eyes.

Maybe we're going to be okay, after all.

Ryan and I made the carnivore special disappear in quick succession. Annie and Miranda were much more restrained, leaving half of their veggie pizza uneaten. Both Julia and Miranda had talked to Annie about the value of maintaining a healthy diet during her treatment. My North Star was following their advice with conviction.

We spent the rest of the evening watching Waking Ned Divine. We laughed. We cringed when the mean, old lady got what she had coming to her. Miranda and Annie even shared a couple of tissues at the end.

After our friends left, I joined Annie on the couch. She put her head on my shoulder and snuggled close. "Thanks for tonight, E.J., and for everything else."

With a quick squeeze, I kissed her head. The remaining stubble was a little sharp and tickled my lips. "Wouldn't want to be any other place in the world than right by your side."

We'd learned our lesson with the anti-nausea medication, so in the following days Annie managed to avoid another spell in the bathroom. She was able to maintain her energy too, so with high spirits she finally started responding to all of the well-wishes she'd been receiving.

Those spirits reached even higher one day when we received a phone call from Sue, the genetic counselor. The genetic test results had come back negative. We gave each other a little hug while we thanked Sue for the good news. After the call, Annie wrapped me up in a fierce embrace.

"It's such a relief having one less thing to worry about."

I kissed her on the top of her bald head. I couldn't agree with you more.

Once she got into a little groove, the decisive, assertive Annie returned for the first time since her diagnosis. The last month had been spent in constant react and roll with it mode. Now it seemed like Annie was finally catching the peloton after scrambling from miles behind due to a flat tire.

Samantha came to town for a few days, which we spent getting caught up on the business end of things. There had been an uptick in Annie's record sales since her cancer announcement. She told Samantha she wanted to capitalize on the situation by diverting a portion of the sales income toward cancer prevention and care programs.

After a day and a half of gentle insistence, Samantha finally got Annie to consent to an interview. It was conducted via Skype, so we didn't have to divulge Annie's whereabouts. We both knew it was just a matter of time before word leaked out that Cassandra was being treated in Indianapolis and the media started buzzing around, so we were thankful for each day spent anonymously.

"Aren't you worried about your young friend Staci spilling the beans about you?" I said the night before her third treatment.

Annie shook her head. "Staci's the least of my worries. It's hard to put into words, but there's a connection, a trust, between us. No, I'm more worried about whether the tumors are shrinking or not."