CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR

 

Dana woke up from a nightmare, where he and his platoon were trapped, taking enemy fire, and falling like trees in a tornado, and there was nothing he could do. It was a vision of Hell. His heart was pounding in his chest.

He cracked open his eyelids just a fraction, and saw there was one of his corporals standing by. In order to think, Dana pretended to be still asleep. Nance was still on his mind, but sleep had allowed him some distance. He thought to himself that he could hardly be the only person in history who had ever had his heart broken. It must have been a common feature of life for nearly everyone who ever lived, and still was. He was nothing special. Everyone else got over it, and so would he. He couldn’t blame Nance for doing the best for herself that she could, anyway. It was just the way of the world.

Feeling a bit more clear-headed, he opened his eyes and greeted the corporal. The corporal asked if he needed anything, and Dana said he was hungry. The corporal left to find a nurse. After 20 minutes, an attendant entered with a tray of food.

When he had finished, a nurse came in and asked how his headache was. When Dana said it was gone, the nurse said doctor’s orders were for him to try to get up and walk a little. She produced a walker and helped him out of bed. He felt a little dizzy, but grabbed the handles of the walker and moved forward. His thigh wound hurt badly every time he moved. Dana asked the nurse, “My leg wound didn’t hurt during the fighting. Why does it hurt so much now?” The nurse explained that he was probably full of adrenaline during the fighting, and that this was a well-known phenomenon for soldiers during a battle. He began to feel a little sick, and it must have shown on his face, because the nurse had him sit on a bench, and fanned his face with her tablet viewscreen. Dana realized that his knees were far apart and remembered that this was a violation of the Rules, and started, painfully, to move them back together. Then he started laughing at himself. There were no more Rules! The nurse asked what was so funny, and he said, “Private joke.”

When he got back to the room and eased himself back into bed, the comm tech was waiting with her viewscreen. “Your party called back, sir, and I think there’s enough bandwidth to hold the line, now.” She sat him up in bed facing the viewscreen, and touched the lower left edge. Nance appeared, in her nightdress, obviously in her quarters. The corporal and the comm tech left the room.

Dana wasn’t entirely ready, but he knew what he was going to start out saying. “Nance, I’m happy that you found someone that is right for you. I hope that you and he will be very happy together. Please don’t worry about me. I’ll miss you, but I’ll get along…”

Nance looked puzzled as Dana talked, and then suddenly smiled and tilted her head sideways into her hand and started shaking her head. “Dana! Dana!” she shouted. Dana stopped talking. Nance was almost laughing. Dana wondered how she could be so cruel.

“Dana, you goof. Think back. Do you remember that afternoon in the shower before you left?” she asked.

“Yes …” said Dana, not sure what she was trying to say.

Nance continued, “Do you remember that we forgot something?”

Dana searched his memory. “Oh, my gosh,” he said.

“Yes, that’s right. My fault, too. You’re going to be a father, Dana. It’s a boy,” she said.

Dana’s brain once again went twenty directions at once. The shock must have shown on his face. Nance said, “Now, look, Dana, I love you and I want to spend my life with you and our children. But, if that’s not what you want, I will understand. I’d release you from all obligations.”

“Ah…um…” Dana stammered. Finally he pulled himself together. Nance seemed to be watching with a sense of both amusement and anxiety. Finally, he said, earnestly, “Nance, I don’t know how to say this, but I’m no longer sure what I want. I haven’t had time to think since I left. One part of me wants to scream ‘yes!’ and live with you forever. Another part of me isn’t sure that I’m ready to be a husband and father. I just … don’t know for sure …,” his voice trailed off. He watched her face to see if she was shocked or pained by what he had said. She didn’t seem to be.

Nance looked at him kindly, like a schoolteacher with a befuddled student. “You need to think about this, Dana. It’s a serious step. We will have little lives to care for. Our whole world will change. You need to know that this is right for you, or it won’t be any good for any of us. And, you will need to think about your future and what you want to do with it. You could probably pair up with thousands of women, now that the Rules no longer apply. There are probably five very nice women for any man who wants one. If you really mean what you said, I want to know that you mean it for sure. I never had any intention to trap you. I think we need to talk about this again in a month, after you have some time to think,” she paused. “After all, your thoughtfulness is one of the reasons I love you. Now, tell me about what you did in the war.”

Dana saw the wisdom in what she said, and put the matter into a box in his mind marked, “Later.” He told her about the actions he had been in, and, even though Dana minimized the danger, she knew enough to be impressed that he had come out alive. She said, with emotion in her voice, “I had no idea, Dana. You and your men were very brave. I always knew you were courageous, but now everyone else knows it, too. I’m sorry you lost half the men in your company. Another terrible thing about that is that there is no one to mourn them. Their mothers and fathers don’t know, they never met sisters or brothers, they never met their own children. I’m glad the evil government that created that … awfulness ... is gone.”

They began to talk about the future in vague terms. Nance said that she probably didn’t want to go back to the farm, which was now in Mexico. She said she thought she would sell it, and try to find a job as a history and civics teacher. She understood that there was going to be a great deal of adult education in history and civics, and she thought she could be a part of that. After all, there were very few, if any, people educated in both the version of history and civics that had been taught over the past decades, and the version that had been taught before. She figured that she might be able to write her own ticket, since she was a rare commodity.

Dana said he wasn’t sure what he wanted. He didn’t know what he could do in a civilian economy. He supposed he might be able to stay in the military, but he had had enough of killing. He said he thought he could go back to repairing appliances, although that didn’t excite him at all.

Nance said, again, very kindly, “Dana, I think you could do just about anything you set your mind to. You just need to decide. You may need education in some field. But, you can do it. Whatever it is, you can do it, Dana. You learn faster and have more insight than anyone I know. You could go a long way and be very important in the new world, Dana.”

Dana was moved by her kindness. “Thanks, Nance,” he said. “But, I don’t even know what the options are.”

“Neither do I, but I know where you can find out. Get yourself a viewscreen and learn how to search on it. There should be sources on there that will tell you about all sorts of jobs and businesses you could be in, and what it would take to get there,” Nance said. Dana agreed that would be a good idea.

Dana began to tire, and Nance detected it. “Let’s wind up and talk again in a month. You need time to think,” she said. Nance looked to the side. Someone was demanding her attention.

“Nance, I wish you were here with me,” Dana decided to speak directly from his heart. “I missed you every day. I tried to put you out of mind … but I couldn’t. I missed talking to you about everything under the sun. I missed your laughter. I missed watching movies with you. I missed your playfulness. I missed … well … you know what I missed. If you were here now, I’d lock the door and toss you in this bed, pregnant or not!”

Nance laughed, “And I would love that!” she said. “But I’m stuck here in Lawrence for a while yet. A month, Lover! Not before!” she said, and the viewscreen went blank.