FIVE

NO MORE MISSING OUT

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It can happen anywhere at any time: the moment when we see something we've never seen before—a breakthrough that changes our lives. Your moment could come as you look out over the ocean on a family vacation. It could happen as you stand over the kitchen sink, hands covered in dish soap. It could happen during a worship service or while reading a good book. For me, it happened at that Chicago conference.

Since that time, it seems like one spiritual light switch after another has flipped on for me, revealing all the good stuff God had waiting all along—everything He knew I would need to make it through this life. The Bible says that God has already given you and me everything we need to live our lives—physically, emotionally, and spiritually (2 Pet. 1:3). So, if we already have what we need, life really becomes a great “unpacking” of it all. Rather than asking God to give us more, our prayer changes instead to “Help me uncover what you've given me.”

For me, the uncovering began when I took a deeper look at something I thought I already had a pretty firm grasp on: Jesus and His relationship with His Father, Almighty God. I knew that Jesus and God had a close relationship. I knew that God couldn't have asked for a better Son (He was sinless after all), and that He was willing to sacrifice that perfect Son to pay the price for my sins. But there was something I had somehow missed, despite all my years of studying the Bible. Something Jesus was trying to show me—to show us—about the beauty and the full power found in that divine relationship.

WWJFO

From an early age, Jesus was aware of the special connection he had with his Dad. We all remember the scene in Luke's gospel in which Mary and Joseph realize after a three-day journey that they've left Jesus behind in Jerusalem. When they return to find Him, Jesus (twelve years old at the time) is sitting in the temple having deep conversations with the teachers. Mary essentially asks him, “Young man, what do you think you're doing?” and Jesus says, “Why did you seek Me? Did you not know that I must be about My Father's business?” (Luke 2:49). The business He's talking about here isn't Joseph's carpentry work. Jesus is talking about the work of His heavenly Father.

And Jesus went on from that time always living to do His heavenly Father's business and only His business. Look at what He says in John 8:28: “When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am He, and that I do nothing of Myself; but as My Father taught Me, I speak these things.”

Jesus did nothing but what His Father showed Him to do. His focus was constantly on His Father, and I believe it's important for us to see this. It makes me think of those WWJD (What Would Jesus Do?) bracelets. I almost wonder if there should be a different one: WWJFO (What Would Jesus Focus On?). After all, His focus is what led to everything He did. His actions all flowed out of His perfect relationship with His Father—a relationship He desperately wants us to have as well.

FOLLOW THE LEADER

Several times in the Bible we see Jesus saying, “Follow Me.” In the fourth chapter of Matthew, Jesus asks Peter, Andrew, James, and John all to drop what they are doing to follow Him. At this point, Jesus is asking them to come along on a physical journey—to witness His power and ministry on earth. (And boy, what an incredible eyeful they got!) But not much later, Jesus makes the same request with an interesting twist.

In John 21:19, Jesus is talking with Peter once again by the Sea of Galilee. He says to Peter, “Follow me.” He says it again in verse 22. Now remember, by this time Peter has already been following Jesus for quite some time. Why does Jesus keep saying this? I believe the answer can be found a few verses earlier (verse 14): “This is now the third time Jesus showed Himself to His disciples after He was raised from the dead.”

Look at the timing here. On this occasion, Jesus is asking Peter to follow him after He was raised from the dead. His earthly ministry is pretty much over. Jesus is about to go back to heaven. Why is He still asking Peter to follow? Where is Jesus going that He would continue to repeat this request? Well, here's what Jesus says:

“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also. And where I go you know, and the way you know.” Thomas said to Him, “Lord, we do not know where You are going, and how can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.” (John 14:1–6)

From these verses we can see that the journey has changed from the physical to the sacred. Jesus is now asking Peter (and us) to follow Him not just around town, but to the Father. And not only does Jesus ask us to follow, but He says He is the way. What is the use of a “way” if there is no destination? But there is a destination, and it appears that leading us to that place is a primary objective for Jesus. His hope was not simply that we would do what He did, but that we would go where He went—into the arms of His Father.

If we stop short by following Jesus only as far as salvation from hell, we are stopping far short of everything He died to accomplish.

MEET MY MIGHTY COUNSELOR

So, do you feel like you've followed Jesus all the way to the Father? When you get really honest, would you say that your relationship with God the Father is all it was meant to be? For many years I thought mine was. I was very aware that God loved me, and I wanted everyone else to know that He loved them too. In fact, I believed I was experiencing all the love God had to give me. But I wasn't, and chances are you're not either.

Here's a quick test for you. Without giving it much thought at all, what are the first few words that come to your mind when I say the name “Jesus”? For many years, my list would have looked like this: savior, humble, lover of sinners, sacrifice, healer, gentle, lover of children. Now, what words do you think of when I say “Holy Spirit”? My list would include such things as comforter, counselor, and loving teacher.

Okay, here's the big one. What words first come to your mind when I say “God the Father”? Honestly, my list would include words such as judge, ruler, holy, discipline, chastening, hater of sin, fear. Is your list similar?

The list of words I related to the Father was far different from those I used to describe Jesus and the Holy Spirit. It's quite obvious that my feelings toward the Father were a bit colder and less personal. Why? The answer started to come for me during one of my “sessions” with my Mighty Counselor (a.k.a. the Holy Spirit).

MIGHTY COUNSELOR: Teasi, I want you to think about your attitude.

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: Oh, yeah. I know it's bad. It always has been.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR: Tell me what you remember about your attitude as a young girl.

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: Well, I remember that I was always kind of negative—pouting about this and that—and I was really quite lazy.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR: What did your parents do about it?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: They were always trying to teach me the importance of having a good attitude. Almost any time I was grounded it was because of my attitude. In fact, I remember my mom saying this quite often: “You're grounded until your attitude changes or Christ returns—whichever comes first.” Of course I sat there waiting for the Rapture.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR: So, when your attitude was bad, you were sent away to be alone? You were separated from fellowship with your family for a while, and you purposely kept yourself away from them, right?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: Yep.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR: Tell me…do you think your heavenly Father is upset about your attitude?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: Of course. I can't ever seem to get it right.

MIGHTY COUNSELOR: So, do you think He has “grounded” you? And are you keeping yourself from Him because of it?

FAT CHRISTIAN WOMAN: (Long silence.) Well, yes…I guess I am.

This conversation may appear less than epic, but it was a major light-switch moment for me. The issue of my attitude was huge. I had been feeling guilty about it from my earliest years all the way into my adult life. Without being consciously aware, I was living my life like God the Father was disappointed with me—like I was constantly on restriction. My time with the Mighty Counselor showed me that under it all, I believed God was waiting on me to get my attitude right so He could finally bless me. And I didn't think it would ever happen because I was a hopeless case.

But, the Bible doesn't say that.

It doesn't say anywhere that God is waiting on us to get our attitude just right before He can bless us. His blessings are based on His goodness, not our own. This lie I believed—this misperception I had of the Father's heart—kept me from fully experiencing all the love He was desperately longing to give me. In effect, I was refusing it because I didn't believe I deserved it.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

In her book, Hurt People Hurt People, Dr. Sandra Wilson says it well: “We all read and interpret the Bible through the defective lens of personal experience.”6 And I would add that we also view our relationship with our heavenly Father through those glasses—glasses muddied by our experiences with our parents and other relationships here on earth.

As crazy as it may seem, even something as simple as my parents teaching me the importance of having a good attitude became a roadblock in my adult life. A good lesson became twisted into a lie I believed for years. Without knowing I had done so, I turned God into my heavenly Disciplinarian. And this kept me from experiencing Him as He really is.

Now, if this could happen to me, do you think it's possible it could have happened to you? Is there a personal experience you had as a child (or some other time in your life) that could be creating a roadblock today?

Think about this: What if as you were growing up, your father was the authoritarian type? Each day he came home from work tired and irritated. He wanted dinner on the table immediately, and he wanted his children to be seen and not heard. He expected immediate obedience and tolerated no silliness. If you were brave enough to discuss your life at the table, you'd better have been sure it was something worth listening to. It better have been good—good grades, awards won. After all, he worked hard to afford you all the privileges you had. If you didn't live up to it, you were not being very appreciative.

Fast forward to your adult life. How are things now? Can you look back and see that you've been living your entire life trying to please your earthly father because when you do well he is happy, and when you fail he withdraws his love. Are you doing that now for God? Do you volunteer for everything at church because you want to be a good girl? Do you feel like you should pray more, study more, or do more and more to please Him? Do you think you have to earn God's love through performance just like you did your earthly dad? If so, you are missing out.

Or maybe your father was passive. He was present at home and didn't demand much; in fact he didn't seem to want anything. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV for hours, eating dinner in the living room so he wouldn't miss the big game. When you walked in, he would give you a quick smile and a pat on the head, but would not have time to engage in conversation with you. Mom would do all of that. His job was to provide the money for necessities, nothing more. He was there, but he wasn't.

As an adult do you keep your relationship with Father God distant—logical and intellectual and only that? Do you keep your heart to yourself because you don't believe your heavenly Father cares about it just as your earthly father didn't? Do you believe in the Bible, but shy away from any emotional manifestations of God's love? Are you uncomfortable with others around you showing emotion in their relationship with Him? Are you uncomfortable with love in general? If so, you are missing out.

Or maybe your father was directly abusive to you in some way, and if so, you were definitely not alone. There are more than three million reports of child abuse in America each year with over 68 percent of those being sexual abuse by a family member.7 If this was your story, you were probably desperate for your daddy's love. When you heard his car pull up, your heart skipped a beat because you were excited to see him. Only when he came in the door he was drunk. He would immediately yell at your mom and push your little sister aside as if she were an annoying piece of furniture in his way. But sometimes he was sober, and you lived for those moments because he would hold you in his lap. You were so happy to have his attention that you chose to ignore where his hands traveled, and you would never tell anyone about that because you were afraid to make him mad.

So as an adult you are left with this strange mix of emotions. You want to love God, but how can you possibly call God your Father? How can you trust your heart to Him? Every time you trusted in your past, you were hurt. Daddy was unpredictable and became one to be feared, not held by. Do you resist God's touch now? Do you believe that He is someone everyone else can trust, but not you? Do you hold back your heart from Him because you just can't stand to be hurt again? If so, you are missing out.

FALSE ACCUSATIONS

The point of taking a look at our relationships with our parents, and even more specifically our fathers, is not to build a case for blame. Blaming others doesn't get us anywhere. The point is to begin to identify potential false accusations we've piled up against God. Have we given him a false rap sheet, of sorts? Does our list of adjectives describe the true nature and heart of our heavenly Father?

The only way we can find out is to look at what the Bible says about His heart. And one amazingly simple way to find out a ton about our heavenly Dad is to look at the life of Jesus.

Now, remember all those warm fuzzy feelings we had about Jesus when we made our list of descriptions for Him? We think of Jesus as someone we are very comfortable with. We might even see Him as our big brother who protects us from angry Dad when we've blown it.

But take a look at what Jesus had to say about Himself.

“If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.” Philip said to Him, “Lord, show us the Father, and it is sufficient for us.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you so long, and yet you have not known Me, Philip? He who has seen Me has seen the Father; so how can you say, ‘Show us the Father’?” (John 14:7–9)

On many other occasions, Jesus tells us that when we've seen Him, we've seen the Father. So, if we look at the character and heart of Jesus, we've actually seen the character and heart of the Father.

What do we see in Jesus? We see Him healing the hurting and the sick. We see Him giving sight to the blind. We see Him taking time to talk to harlots and tax collectors. We see Him angry at the self-righteous and religious folks who thought their actions were winning them heavenly brownie points.

And we see Him being a servant.

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. (John 13: 3–5)

Jesus got down on his knees and washed the filth off the feet of his disciples. He performed a job that was normally reserved for the lowliest of servants in those days—washing feet that would have been covered with dirt and potentially animal feces (remember the mode of transportation in that day). He humbled Himself before them, and when He did, He showed us the Father.

As you read this scene from the life of our Savior—the One who came to show us the heart of His Father and bring us into His arms—imagine something. Take the disciples out of that chair and put yourself in their place. Now, picture your heavenly Father at your feet. See His eyes filled with nothing but adoration looking up into yours. Hear Him asking, “My sweet, sweet girl. May I please wash your feet? May I wash away the filth and the pain of this world that has piled up on you and left you feeling dirty? May I serve you, My daughter? Please let Me.”

I don't know about you, but I can love a Daddy like that. In fact, I want nothing more than to love Him. And now I know in order to do that, I must first receive all that He's offering me. I must first allow Him to make right all the wrongs I have believed about Him. I must allow truth to tear down the wall of lies so that the good stuff can get in. It is as Scripture says, “We love Him because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19).

A PLEA TO KNOW YOU, FATHER

Precious Heavenly Father,

I can't believe how I have misjudged You. All these years, the lies I have believed about Your true heart have kept me from feeling the unconditional love You have desired to give. Please forgive me for that. I did not understand the truth, but now I am beginning to see.

Please continue to open my eyes to the ways I have misperceived You. I want to trust you completely and to experience Your love. Fill me from head to toe.

From this day forward, I put on new glasses. I want to see clearly. I want to know You more. When I read my Bible now, it won't be out of religious duty, but out of desire to find out about who You are—to read about how much You adore me. I want to know everything about You.

Please fill my heart so full of Your love that all other healing You want to do can occur. I understand that I cannot love myself or anyone else until I am first filled with Your love for me. I accept that and embrace that truth.

Thank you, precious Lord Jesus, for showing me the heart of the Father in all that You did while You were on earth. Thank You for being the Way to Him. Thank You for showing me how to climb back into my Daddy's lap. Thank You for dying for my sins—for all that You did to make this relationship possible for me.

I love You. I embrace the life You have for me. I embrace change. I embrace healing. I embrace Father God.

In Jesus' name,

Amen

WHAT ABOUT YOU? MISPERCEPTIONS UNMASKED

  1. List three adjectives that would describe your dad while you were growing up:

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    b. ______________________________________________________________

    c. ______________________________________________________________

  2. List three adjectives that would describe your mom while you were growing up:

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    b. ______________________________________________________________

    c. ______________________________________________________________

  3. Be honest here: How would you describe the way they felt about you when you were a child? For example, did you feel like they adored you, or did you feel like you were a bother, or somewhere in between? _________________________________________________________
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  4. Looking at your responses to the first three questions, how do you think the way you felt about your parents and perceived how they felt toward you has transferred over into your relationship with God? In other words, how has it affected the way you would describe Him, and the way you think He feels toward you?  ________________________
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  5. Pray and ask the Mighty Counselor (Holy Spirit) to bring to mind any potential stowaways you might have brought with you from childhood into your adult life. Are there attitudes or behaviors you've ascribed to your heavenly Father simply because they existed in your earthly parents? What is the Mighty Counselor hoping for you to see? What would you say to Him?

    a. MIGHTY COUNSELOR: ___________________________________________
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    b. YOU: _________________________________________________________
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  6. How could having a more correct understanding of the nature and heart of your heavenly Father change your life? _______________________
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PEP TALK: GET TO KNOW YOUK DADDY

It was so very important to Jesus that we know His Father (who happens to be our Father too). As Christians, it is essential that we see the Father for who He really is. No matter how good our earthly parents are, He is far better. We can't settle for seeing Father God as just a bigger (and more demanding) version of our parents. If we do, we'll miss out on parts of what He wants for us.

Even though it can be hard, we've got to take our hands out of our earthly parents’ hands, so to speak, and put them into God's. He wants to parent us now…His way. The Holy Spirit helps us make the full transition by showing us what's getting in the way, if we let Him.

FORWARD FOCUS: THE FATHER IS LOVE

God defines Himself as love. To see a bit more of the true nature of our heavenly Father, replace the word “love” with the words “the Father” in the following verses: