God has such a great sense of humor, don't you think? His ways are often so contrary to our own, and I love that.
As I look back at my life, I see that the thing I wanted for so many years—the thing I thought would make my life worth living might have actually killed me. If I had been the skinny woman I was desperate to be, I would have had a beautiful body, but that's about all. I know myself, and I know that if I had always been satisfied with my looks, I would have found my full value in that. I would have happily strutted my stuff, enjoying the attention it brought me. But I wouldn't have known the goodness of God like I do today.
God wants us for Himself. He wants us to want Him above all else, and He wants to perform miracles in our lives. I love how Nancy DeMoss puts it. She says, “God specializes in the impossible, so that when the victory is won and the task is complete, we cannot take any credit.”18
I can almost hear the conversation that must have gone on in heaven when God was designing me. “This daughter of mine is going to love beauty, but I want her to love MY beauty, so I'm going to put a little extra padding on her to keep her from being vain. Vanity would kill her.”
I'm not sure if that's exactly how it happened, but I do know this: my padded body is one of the biggest blessings in my life. If I had not been so utterly desperate to get answers about my big rear, I don't know that I would have ever found out what I really needed. I don't know that I would have seen how very little of God's love I was really experiencing or how selfish my love for others had been. Chances are, I would have been a wounded skinny chick, pretty on the outside but broken on the inside.
Ironically, whatever it is that you despise most about yourself (it doesn't have to be weight) can become the catalyst for serious life change. Take that “thing” and drop it down at the feet of Jesus. Then ask Him to help you get to the bottom of it. But be willing to really get to the bottom of it. The answer you get might not be the one you've wanted or expected, but it will be the one you need.
I'm still “padded” today, but I love myself more than I ever have because I no longer let the devil define me. I let my doctors (not Vanity Fair or Cosmo) tell me if I'm physically healthy, and I let God alone assign my value. And truthfully, as long as I'm healthy, if I never lost a pound I'd be more than fine with that. In fact, if someone were to offer me a pill right now—one that would assure me a thin body for the rest of my life no matter what I ate, with only one stipulation: you must give up all the hope and healing you've gained on the inside—I would laugh and walk away. Being thinner is nothing compared to being free.
I believe it can happen for you too. Your pain can be turned into dancing as you stand under the waterfall of the Father's amazing love. And when it does, your testimony will be used as a powerful part of God's plan to overcome Satan. Look at this:
And they overcame him [the evil one] by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. (Revelation 12:11)
Let's stand together as daughters of the King and tell our stories to all who will listen. Once we carried a load of pain and shame and despair, but God knew exactly how to use that burden. He knew exactly how to bring beauty out of those ashes. He knew that in the end it would all be worth the weight.
Father God,
Thank YOU for my big bottom.
I love You. And I can't wait until I can tell You that face to face.
Amen