Does this book make my rear end look big?
You probably won't be able to answer that question until after you've turned the last page, but hopefully your answer is yes. If it is, more glory goes to that crazy good God of ours—the One who truly turns the most unlovely of things into treasure.
Here's the main gist of how it happened for me: even after giving my life to Jesus and becoming a “good Christian girl,” there was a lot of work left to be done in my life. It took me awhile to figure out that this is true for everyone. There isn't a person who stands up from the altar after saying one simple sinner's prayer and walks away perfected. Not you. Not me. Not anyone. It's just a beginning—the starting point of our Christian expedition.
It seems like an obvious truth. Logic would tell me that change takes time. But somehow, almost subconsciously, I thought that simply being a Christian meant that everything should be just fine. After all, the Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ and that we are more than conquerors—old things are gone and so on. The problem was I wasn't seeing all the evidence in my life, especially in the area of my weight. No matter what I tried, I could never seem to get thin, and that nearly ruined everything. Nearly.
My weight on the scale led to such an agonizing weight of emotional pain in my heart, which led to a total breakdown, which (ironically) led to the very adjustments that saved my life. As these adjustments were made, things started getting better. I know that statement sounds annoyingly simple. So, let me be clear: some of the adjustments were quick and easy, but some took lots of time and were quite painful.
Now, the reason I can't keep this story to myself isn't because I feel the need to share my pain. No one would want to read a story filled with only pain. No, I want to share the story because I love my life now, whereas I used to be miserable. Because I love my friends now, whereas I used to be jealous and bitter. And—perhaps most miraculously of all—I love my body now, whereas I used to hate with a capital H—Hate—myself beyond words.
I have a feeling the same can be said of you. And as you read this story, I hope you will discover that you are not alone in your pain, no matter how great or small. I hope that you can get healing for even the deepest wounds in your heart, and that you can learn to silence the community of voices/lies in your head as truth takes over.
As I tell you how it all happened for me in the pages to come, I'll also share a little of my poetry, a taste of my journal entries, a lot of my findings, and some heartfelt prayers. Oh, and along the way I'd like to introduce you to some of the characters who claim my head as their residence.
Welcome to my experience of the goodness of God.